Some stupid story on MSN had this waitress talking about how she got extra tips based on what she wore to work.

There were some other words in the article, but I didn’t read them. Just as you are not reading these.

Later I recognized my handwriting on the tab, and my pseudonym, too.

Because:

1. Does he never look at what he’s doing and saying?

2. Every hilarious story that he tells he kills with “I’m not joking.”

3. He married the babysitter and calls her “doctor.”

4. He doesn’t comment at IMAO.

On the other hand:

1. He called Hunter “the smartest man I know.”

(I know this hasn’t worked out well in the past, but we have a new agent who wants to give it a try.)

We’re going to totally stick it to the government! Yay! Post your own self-incriminating statement here:

I wanna __________________________________________________________________________ .