Suites for the Sweet

(Because I know Walrus likes nothing better than worrying about Oppo whilst he, Walrus, is on vacation.)

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I always say, “It’s helpful to get them out the side door before the regular staff comes in for the day.”

“Oh, Oppo, I kind of dozed off. I thought that was you I was gripping. Oh. Whew! It’s only a tiny snake!! Still, . . . so similar . . . Oppo, do you have any further need for me or my straps this morning?”

“Perhaps.”

“You mean . . . ? Not again!!! Let’s at least change it up. But can you at get that snake out of here…”

“OK. Begone, Snake.”

“What the – – – ? Mmmmph! This . . . this is worse than the snake! Ahh! . . . How do you even . . ?”

“Look out!”

“In this tiny snug little green chair, I can’t really . . . Oh! Well, let’s . . . let’s talk about snug! I looks like I CAN!! [Sounds of pounding] {repeatedly} Effing wall! I’ll turn around because my head hurts, but, where are your hands going? . . . .Ah! Oh? Oh? Oh! I can’t speak! / &@% Exclamation Point! ! Caret! @ At Sign! # Pound Sign! Tilde!”

She starts signing Braille with her legs.

“What the hell? . . . Ahh!?” {Restaurant-like sound effects. Cutlery falling. Dishes in next room hit the floor. In the distance, a dog barks.}

Oppo: “By the way, what exactly did “Kiss Me With Bullets” mean?”

.

Now, in all fairness, the photo may have been taken on that day DamnCat was just wearing a sock on his tail.

“Oppo, are you sure that wasn’t you???”

“Why would you think that?

“Looks just like a freaking microphone! I know them! I use them all day long.”

“Oh, so you’re a news babe? What’s your name?”

“M . . .. mpph . . . . Shut up! . . . . . . .a . . . p. . . . ph! Ph . . . . ph! Just wait until I tell my girlfriends about this! You’ll never spend another single n . . . Oh, not again!!! Again? Gaah!! Fu — I’ve got to work in the morning, which is only five hours away!!!! I won’t be able to WALK by then! ! Ph! M! Tell Walrus I said hi. Got any muffins or coffee?”

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Friday Night Oppoin’ Thread

Open thread, that is. You must relate your week’s most worthless stray thoughts.

Why do so much peanut butter and jelly have to be abandoned in every jar of each?

Why is it so difficult to remove a belt from a pair of slacks you aren’t wearing? They both fight you every step of the way.

And I kinda hope Walrus didn’t book his flight to Vegas on the Day of Rage.

Fan Fiction Friday

I think I may have strayed from Bob B’s original concept, but I’m OK with that.

Dear Fan Fiction Friday:

There I was, jammed tightly in a space teacher’s locker room at Space Vegas, with Deanna Troi, who was getting out of her uniform for some reason, when some Klingon shoved Yeoman Rand roughly in with us as an evil pon farr test — little did he know, I’m not a Vulcan. But I’m only human.

And no, I don’t know why they make space teachers’ locker rooms so small.

The end.

What’s Walrus Building?

Just thought I come out with a new series. Since I’ve been retired I’ve had to occupy my time so I have been building Lego models. Almost all WWII related. So I have decided to share with you all what I am currently building and what I’ve already completed. Hope you like it.

Current build

Just got it. Probably open it up and start Friday or Saturday. I’ll take ongoing photos of my progress.

Just finished

Kubelwagen (PKW Typ 82)

It’s one of the larger ones. A 1:12 scale like the upcoming Tiger. Most of the others I’ve done are 1:28-1:35. The ships are much bigg so have scaling from 1:144 to 1:300. I’ve got to get more shelf space.

Aw, Hell — Now These Executives Are Probably Going To Apply To Work Here

Ad Firm Tied To Bud Light’s Dylan Mulvaney Fiasco Fires Top Execs in Shakeup
NYPost | 10/11/23 | Lisa Fickenscher

A California marketing firm linked to Bud Light’s disastrous tie-up with trans influencer Dylan Mulvaney has fired several top executives as part of a major restructuring, The Post has learned.

San Mateo-based Captiv8 — which canned 13 staffers in July after top brass returned from a lavish junket to the French Riviera, as The Post reported — axed 30 employees, roughly 20% of its workforce, in the latest round of layoffs, multiple sources told The Post.

If this author says it, you can be Fickenscher.

Aaaugh! Walrus, help me! They’re in the HR office now! aaauuuuggghhhhhhh! Augh!

Wait . . . there’s no liquor showing. This is not our HR office.

From the article this came from:

“Using terms like ‘bye, Felicia’, ‘woke’, ‘yass’, and ‘bae’ also holds a myriad of issues. While I could write an essay on these issues, the summary is this: these words are part of AAVE (African-American Vernacular English). Black people created these words, yet get no recognition for that.”

Hah! Hoist with their own retard! Now minorities don’t like them, and white guys won’t associate with them.

.

Well, this was a regrettable deep freaking dive into Hell. I want True Detective back. Hold onto your man-bun for this one, boys and girls: Cultural Appropriation time.

Yet he’s using a cellphone, drives a car, watches TV, and goes to Starbuck’s. Weird.

Hoist with the ol’ petard again!

First tell us how great it is to enjoy it, but then tell us not to use it.

. . . . Well, actually — that sounds a little like True Detective. That little root looks like a cover from that magazine, too.

GTFO!

Juxtaposition:

U.N. Issues ‘Urgent’ Call for $294 Million to Fund Gaza Strip Aid
breitbart | 10/23/23 | Simon Kent

The United Nations on Thursday rushed to issue an emergency appeal for $294 million to address “the most urgent needs” in the Gaza Strip as Israel fights for its very life against Hamas terrorists who call the region home.

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Israel Tells UN To Evacuate the Northern Gaza Strip Within 24 hours
AXIOS | 10/12/2023 | Barak Ravid

The Israeli Ministry of Defense and the IDF notified the UN just before midnight local time to evacuate its staff and notify Palestinians living north of Wadi Gaza that they should evacuate to the southern part of the Gaza Strip in the next 24 hours, [per] two sources with direct knowledge.

… But Human Shield fans say…

Hamas Tells Gaza Residents To Stay Put as Israel Ground Offensive Looms
REUTERS  | October 13, 2023

Mosques broadcast messages telling Gaza Strip residents to stay put on Friday, in defiance of an Israeli military call for more than a million civilians to move south within 24 hours in the build-up to its expected ground offensive.

And that moral equivalence stuff? You can’t spell “nuisance” without “nuance.”

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Similar stuff has been going on throughout all of human history:

Evil men evil treated is no evil.”

— Euripides

Déjà Vu

Here’s a recycled straight line from January, regarding how to solve these Speaker of the House impasses.

You don’t have to do anything. The jokes still hold up.

“Is this the Déjà Vu Speaker of the House post?”

Straight Line of the Day: A Good Person Suffering a Mental Health Episode Just…

Courtesy of Biscuit

Welcome to IMAO! Egad. Free to Anyone Who Wants Our Regional Office

I guess you could use it to collect some tornado insurance.

Friday Classic Funny

“Good morning Miss Cates, good news on the Far Side hunt front?”

“Mostly sir. Miss Derek bagged a few but we are a little short of our usual amount.”

“So what do we have filling out the card?”

“Classic Bugs Bunny.”

“Always brings a smile.”