Neil Young can’t remember much of anything, let alone what some Southern man thinks … although, come to think of it, I’ve never seen Neil and Joe together…
Favorite 60s song titles, according to detectives:
Brandon: “I’m Your Puppet”
Newsom: “They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha”
KJP: “Lies”
Pelosi: “Psychotic Reaction”
AOC: “Nobody But Me”
Obama: “Worst That Could Happen”
Harris: “I Will Follow Him”
Brandon: “Little Children”
Nadler: “Grazing in the Grass”
FBI: “I Fought the Law”
Sharpton: “Harlem Shuffle”
MSM, Waters, Jackson-Lee: “Black Is Black”
Levine: “Judy in Disguise (With Glasses)”
Milley: “What Kind of Fool (Do You Think I Am)”
Obama: “My Boyfriend’s Back”
Hunter: “Money, That’s What I Want”
Yellen: “Eve of Destruction” (but it’s transitory)
Melania: “Angel of the Morning”
That is, of course, contingent on the use of “heart” to be metaphorical. If meant to be literal, ninety-six definitely is too many, as hearts are not designed to be crying any teardrops whatsoever.
Musical Detective: We’re going to be here till midnight, it looks like, Missy! {Hits desk}
Where is your John Wayne? {No answer}
Where is your prairie song?
Where is your happy ending? Where have all the cowboys gone?
Where is your {Consults notes} Marlboro Man?
Regular Detective: Where is your shiny gun??!?
Musical Detective: Where is your lonely ranger? Where have all the cowboys gone?
Who let the dogs out? This investigation has dragged on for years!
You love funny entries? Prepare to be disappointed…
… and can you turn this way a little more?
Neil Young can’t remember much of anything, let alone what some Southern man thinks … although, come to think of it, I’ve never seen Neil and Joe together…
Townsend and Co. outsourced their question to the NSA…
In the Year 2525 is the answer to “When will the California High-speed Rail project be finished?”…
Musical Detectives (Reprise)
Did they find anything when they dragged the lake?
Hey wait a minute she looks just like my ex next door neighbor!
Did you own a telephoto lens?
No, none of that I just camcorded us POV Style.
sunova…
Mick Jagger did could get some satisfaction with the assistance of Daddys little blue helper.
Mr. Rogers was the black sheep of the McCartney family.
Oppo has been issued a restraining order, named Travis Kelce.
The detectives have finally figured out if your chewing gum loses it’s flavor on the bedpost overnight.
(Answer being withheld due to privacy concerns.)
Stupid autocorrect. I usually know the difference between “it’s” and “its.”
That copy editor is in for an asterisk whoopin’.
Favorite 60s song titles, according to detectives:
Brandon: “I’m Your Puppet”
Newsom: “They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha Ha”
KJP: “Lies”
Pelosi: “Psychotic Reaction”
AOC: “Nobody But Me”
Obama: “Worst That Could Happen”
Harris: “I Will Follow Him”
Brandon: “Little Children”
Nadler: “Grazing in the Grass”
FBI: “I Fought the Law”
Sharpton: “Harlem Shuffle”
MSM, Waters, Jackson-Lee: “Black Is Black”
Levine: “Judy in Disguise (With Glasses)”
Milley: “What Kind of Fool (Do You Think I Am)”
Obama: “My Boyfriend’s Back”
Hunter: “Money, That’s What I Want”
Yellen: “Eve of Destruction” (but it’s transitory)
Melania: “Angel of the Morning”
I’m watching you.
What else have Musical Detectives uncovered?
Ninety-six is not actually too many teardrops for one heart to be crying.
That is, of course, contingent on the use of “heart” to be metaphorical. If meant to be literal, ninety-six definitely is too many, as hearts are not designed to be crying any teardrops whatsoever.
It is not the Land of 999 dances.
Musical Detective: “Do you come from a land down under?”
Aussie: “Yes.”
Musical Detective: “OK. Then just a few more follow-up questions.”
Musical Detective: We’re going to be here till midnight, it looks like, Missy!
{Hits desk}
Where is your John Wayne?
{No answer}
Where is your prairie song?
Where is your happy ending?
Where have all the cowboys gone?
Where is your {Consults notes} Marlboro Man?
Regular Detective: Where is your shiny gun??!?
Musical Detective: Where is your lonely ranger?
Where have all the cowboys gone?
Will there be any confessions at midnight?
Musical Detective: “Tell me, soldier, how you know so much about Eskimos?”
Army Grunt: “I don’t know, but I’ve been told.”
“Let’s go over this one more time, just so I’m sure I have your story correct. Why did she have to go?”
McCartney: “I don’t know. She wouldn’t say.”
“And do you have any theory?”
McCartney: “I said something wrong?”
“Well, I’ve got to be honest: there’s a shadow hanging over you.”
Musical Detective: So, it was early in the evening, just about supper time? Over by the courthouse?
CCR: They were starting to unwind. Four kids on the corner …
Musical Detective: Four?
CCR: Yes, I believe so. Willy, Poor Boy, Rooster, Blinky … I only had a nickel, that’s the craziest thing, but they made me lay it down.
You won’t like the answer when I tell you why she cried, and why she lied to you…
Musical Detective {in gentle tones, turning on recorder}: Tell me why.
“I – I – I don’t know…”
Well stick around now it may show.