This was one I asked a while back before I had very many readers. I still wonder if this really is a legal loophole. I’ll just reprint the question in its entirety:
Let’s say you’re a supervillian, and you hatch some plot to block out the sun from the entire world – say by causing a nuclear winter using stolen nukes – is it then impossible to prosecute that supervillian? Blocking out the sun would affect everyone in the world, so everyone would have to excuse themselves from being a juror or a judge since everyone was personally affected by the crime. So have I found a “supervillian loophole” to our legal system that we need to correct?
Yes. We’d have to just shoot him.
Hey, I don’t think there is a law strictly forbiding the blockage of the sun anyway. And if it wasn’t part of a war all the UN would do would be to fine you anyway.
Don’t they have professional Juries for situations like that? Not that it would matter if it were prosecuted by the UN. You could just deny you did it and they’d prolly believe you.
No, Frank. He could be tried in Belgium. If memory serves Belgium has passed a law making it the trier, in last resort, of various war crimes and crimes against humanity. And so, Lex Luther could always be tried in Belgium for a “Crime Against Humanity” as depriving the world of sunlight could be so construed.
Actually, since this is causing property damage and pain and suffering on a global scale, they would just turn the Personal Injury Lawyers on him in a massive class-action suit. I’m pretty sure that a deal would be reached–very quickly.
Though it begs the question who is the bigger villain…
What was the question again? Oh yes.
Realize that if said villain were absolutely effective at blocking out the sun, plants and alga would be unable to perform photosynthesis and most life above the fungus would probably cease. I guess we’ll assume he was only partially effected, so life will go on.
If that’s the case- surely SOME jurors could be found to be impartial and disinterested. So you see- there IS an answer.
Somewhat unrelated…The Soviets had a plan to destroy the surface of the Earth. Really! It involved a cargo ship loaded with nuclear weapons and if it seemed the Soviets would lose a Nuclear War, the ship would automatically go off, radiating the entire Earth’s surface (the if we can’t win, why should anyone else theory). I think stopped the project at the planning stage, thank God
God, I hate those Soviets! We should of killed them all while we had a chance.
JimServo is correct the Soviets had a plan to build a coblat salted bomb in the order of 1000 megatons, yes 1000 megatons. The plan was to put it aboaurd a ice breaker onthe Soviat nothren coast, to conceal it.
Oh BTW the super-Villian, once you got him,……kill him. It saves so much trouble later.
Imagien Saddam being captured and then put on tiral.
As Big Brother said, blocking out the sun isn’t really illegal. The only problem is that legality rarely matters to many courts and/or juries and nearly all international organizations that would inevitably butt in.
The question is the standard for jury selection. As far as I know, being affected isn’t a disqualifier as much as already having an opinion on the matter. Having an opinion (usually) requires some knowledge of the subject matter at hand. There are easily enough uninformed wastes of flesh to find 12 to sit on a jury.
Besides, you know there would be defenders of the evil villian that would be able to convince many that he was really no threat at all, and that Bush is the real (Nazi) threat to the world.
They could always find qualified jurors from the weasel countries (and from amongst the US anti-liberation crowd). They have had their heads so far up their asses, they wouldn’t even know the sun was obscurred.
Since blocking out the sun would effect every nation on Earth the right of jurisdiction would be eagerly sought.
Assuming the super-villain were an American then he could be brought on various legitimate charges:
a) homocide, since plant-life would cease the food chain would break down (aside from fishies we pretty much eat only vegetarians, but fishies need food, too);
b) killing of protected/endangered species (by virtue of above criteria);
c) treason, since laser guided munitions need some light source to locate a target. (this only works in wartime)
d) breach of peace, since the blotting out of the sun would no doubt send doomed hordes into angry riotous apoplexy.
e) destruction of private property, as innumerable garden tomatoes and peppers would wilt.
f) “Crimes against Humanity”; vague enough charge to cover all ill effects of blocking out the sun.
g) Conspiracy to commit J-walking, as the loss of daylight would result in billions of people ambling blindly through their city’s streets.
h) copyright infringement, as Matt Greinig’s Simpsons would sue the shite out of said super-villain.
Let’s call this the nanny state fallacy: You are forbidden from resolving your own problems. There must always be an appeal to a higher nanny.
Hypothetically, if we had a supervillain powerful enough to do such a thing as block the sun then we would very likely have a super hero or two as well. It would then be the super hero’s job to handle the villain. That way our legal system would only have to worry about prosecuting the vigilante super hero for his use of excessive force when he illegally assaulted the super villain.
I’m going to have to agree with Brian about finding jurors. There are easily a large quantity of simpletons in any jurisdiction who would be completely oblivious to the whole thing. If you don’t believe me, just look at the results of any election. Moron-O-Rama!
Seems like we recently answered the question of the “Supervillain exemption.” The answer, according to Runsfeld, is “No.”
Recusal is a voluntary action. Maybe our soldiers should have recused themselves, but they didn’t. So their verdict stands.
On another note, I was reading that the intellectual founder of the Ba’ath party was a Sorbonne graduate (surprised?) named Michel Aflaq. So, it seems only fitting that convicted regime members should be made to parade around Firdos Square quacking like ducks.
Or take it a step further… we could make them all march past in line, while we sell tickets to the locals like it was a county fair shooting arcade. Hit a minister, win a refrigerator. We could use the proceeds to pay for reconstruction.
Actually, we would all be dead from the cold nuclear winter, radiation, or the nukes, so we can leave it to God as judge. The super-villian would live an eternity in hell as punishment. However, there’s no jury to prosecute him there, unless you consider God both judge and jury.
Looks like nobody knows for sure. Try it out and let us know. I think it’d be fun to nuke the sun.
Err.. I mean.. Seeing as everyone would die eventually because plants couldn’t carry out photosynthesis and create oxygen for us vile humans (and other organisms with respiratory systems) to breathe, everyone would be effected – even the professional juries, so everyone would be f***ed and the supervillian would be off the hook. (Assuming he/she has a supply of oxygen for whatever amount of time they desire to live.) Even if SuperVillian does get thrown in the pokey or slapped with a fine, after everyone dies he/she can take free reign of the barren earth and steal the money back from Dominique de Villepin-I-Have-A-Girl-Name’s cold dead hands, along with Saddam’s 2 billion in cash. (If you get the nukes and chicken out of pushing the button, let me know. I’ll do it.)
In an American jury trial, jurors don’t recuse themselves. The lawyers or judges kick them out, and they can’t kick out all of the jurors (or at least, they sure as hell won’t) so It would not really be a problem
I think Joe is right. He would probably be tried in Belgium. The chief prosecution witness, Hans Blix, would be unable to produce any evidence. He would not have been able to find any because of the darkness. The court would order the Master Switch returned to the SuperVillain because the Delta Force team had obtained it by force without proper authorization or even a search warrant. The French judge said that this was proper because he would not have signed such a warrant under any circumstance. The British judge would then issue an arrest warrant for the Delta Force team because they used guns in the taking of the Master Switch.
Although the earth was plunged into darkness, everyone agreed that the outcome was satisfactory, because the Rule of International Law was upheld.
We should start a list of bigtime villains (a French word, natch) who were nurtured at the breats of La France before launching themselves on a hapless foreign country.
In addition to Baathist founder M. Aflaq mentioned by Pierre above, I can think of
– Ho Chi Minh, co-founder of French Communist Party, subsequently bigwig of the Vietminh
– Pol Pot, killer of a million Cambodians, introduced to Communism in Paris
– …
And let us not forget the arch-villan Lenin who also hatched his plans for Russian Communist Revolution in Paris cafe’s.
What is this with the French?
Of course, the EPA had “covered” this loophole as far back as 1982:
Established in 1982, the Environmental Crimes Section of the United States Justice Department has been very successful in its first nine years of operation. Not surprising, given the relative ease of proving their case. In order to be successful in a wetlands prosecution, all the government need show is that the wetlands were filled and that the individual knew it was a crime to fill wetlands-any wetland. Over the past nine years this Section has indicted 838 individuals, levied $74.5 million in fines and penalties, and imposed more than 173 years of jail time for all types of environmental violations. At least 47 people have been indicted for wetlands violations, and five people have been sentenced to prison. According to former EPA Administrator William K. Reilly, “Environmental crime is today no less a crime than theft or blackmail or assault. And more and more assuredly, if you do the crime, you’ll do the time.”
Ergo, No sun = wetlands turn to ice = Greybar Hotel. Sneaky bastards, those EPA fellas…
Source: http://www.nwi.org/ResourceArticles/DoingTime.html
That is why I spend all my time underground and never see the light of day — so that I can serve on the jury in case something like that should happen.
I think the point is moot, because attacking the whole world with weapons of mass destruction (even indirectly) tends to get you on the wrong side of a shooting war.
“Whoops, those guys aren’t the cops…”
I can’t believe that no one else has thought about this! We would just call on the aid of the trusty mole people. They are the only ones that would be truly uneffected by the blocking out of the sun.
Simple, the jury will have to comprise of people suffering from xeroderma pigmentosum.
Pick the jury from people on the night side.
Or just shoot him. There are few problems which cannot be solved with the application of sufficient force.
Reminds me of another imponderable question…
If I get so drunk that I think my wife is someone else, is it cheating?
You’d probably get a hung jury anyway because the defense attorney would argue that his client was a hero for providing a true solution to global warming. And there would be at least one confused envirohippie on the jury.
I realize your post was a joke, but when I became an attorney I sold my sense of humor to the devil. Thus, I will answer your question frankly.
No, you’ve not found a loophole. Actually, you’d be looking at hard time. Prosecution could rightfully go forth six ways to Sunday, but let me just pick one track that would successfully bypass your (non-existant) loophole.
Conspiracy & Solicitation: Crimes Independant of the Commission of the Act
I assume your dastardly plan to nuke the sun would require partners, e.g., some Boris the Belarusian Bad-Ass who can get you the nukes. Your discussions with him are gonna be your downfall regardless of whether you actually nuke the sun. In your plans simply to ascertain the nukes, you’ll commit “solicitation” (to commit a a crime), and “conspiracy” (to commit a crime).
1. Conspiracy.
Once any “overt act” is made in the direction to ascertain the nukes (assuming that the plan to do so involved more than one person) you are guilty of conspiracy. Simply renting a truck for the purposes of transporting the nukes (even if nukes are not yet aquired) is “overt” enough to confirm the conspiracy. Apply this same principle to the planning of each and every factor of the plan, if that factor would be an in-and-of-itself criminal act (traffic of the contraband, unlawful access to state secrets, the necessary bribes, etc.) and the amount of time you’ll be given in the state prison’s library to study “conspiracy” will really add up.
2. Solicitation
Even absent an overt act — or even if the prosecutors are too lazy to draw up the conspiracy indictments — you can go down on a dozen or more “soliciting” counts. Soliciting basically means that you ask another person to commit a criminal act. Did you ask Boris to get the nukes; did you ask the border guard to look the other way as you took out the materials; did you ask Shotgun Harry to get you a few blackmarket firearms so you are “packing” in the “delicate” negotiations with those oh-so-refined dudes whose territory you’ll run across in furtherance of your goals? If you asked, then for each in-and-of-itself unlawful factor, you can get a solicitation charge. Again, these add up.
The Clincher: Those crimes can be prosecuted without evidence that the final deed (nuking the sun) happened.
So, let’s assume (wrongly) that you can’t get a fair trial for nuking the sun. Fine, let’s prosecute you on 100 Conspiracy & Solicitation counts instead. I think this bypasses your (non-existant) fair-trial loophole, because even if all evidence of the nuked sun is supressed and non-mentionable, we can charge you with Consp & Solicitation in all of the factor crimes.
You’re gonna fry no matter what.
Are you responsible for a dept that occurred over 13+ years ago. The spouse has been deceased for 7 years. And I have been remarried for 10 years
Mary