STARRING
Tony Pentin as The Limey
Frank J. as American Frank
Created by Stupiud Bastrad Productions
Broadcast by the BBC
Logo by Tom Bux of The Nap Room
Previous Episodes:
Episode I: The Limey
Episode II: Return of The Limey
Episode III: The Red Letter
Episode IV: Jokes and Murder
Episode V: The Lime Turns Sour
Episode VI: Bloody Fascism
Episode VII: Lime Another Day
Episode VIII: The Good, the Bad, and the Limey
Episode IX: Gone with the Lime
The Limey, in preparation for the glorious day of May 1st had written his longest e-mail yet and sent it to the ignorant backwoodsman, American Frank. American Frank was excited when he received the e-mail, but was intimidated by its size. So he decided to wait until after May 1st to see how prophetic the e-mail was. And May 1st did come, and, instead of bringing with it the prospects of summer, it laid the world waste with a bitter winter storm. Secure in his backwoods abode, American Frank typed his last e-mail to the one who knew only as The Limey:
The fool I am! I thought you were a savior, but now I know thee to be a harbinger of doom, limey. A pox on thee, and a pox on your four friends who obviously aren’t just you posting under different names using the same IP.
You were right, Capitalism fell on May 1st, but so did everything else as Capitalism had created them. There are no phones. There are no T.V.’s. The cities are rampant with chaos. What a fool I was to follow you instead of warn everyone of the date you specified, limey! Now the backwoods around my home burn, and all I have is my shotgun – made from Capitalism – to defend me against the roaming hordes of monkeys that have taken over now that society has collapsed.
Where is your socialism to save us, limey? No where! It brings nothing but despair, for all that was great was made by Capitalism, and only in its downfall have I seen its greatness. Well, as your home in Wales burns around you, limey, I hope you realize what a foolish child you are, that the machine you raged against was the hand that fed you. You are but a puppet of the sinister Fascist McFascist, and I hope you burn in Limey Hell, a place where there are never any crumpets to go with your tea.
I have not read your last e-mail; only bitterness would it bring now that America has fallen. I also have banned your four friends who aren’t you but use the same IP as I do not want to be disturbed by the mindless slaves of Fascist McFascist. Maybe there is some hope for you, though. Perhaps you could finally read the poem the Jabberwocky and see the beauty of Capitalism that I had temporarily forgotten, but I do no hold my breath, limey.
This will be the last you hear from me. I have no time for limeys as I try to rebuild Capitalism after you and your “revolutionaries” destroyed it. For I am American Frank, and an American never gives up. When my precious Capitalism is rebuilt, it will produce new and even better guns which me and my compatriots will use to hunt down all the socialists. When all the socialist are dead, we will drink whiskey (made from fermented capitalism) and play video games (also from capitalism). Then, in memory of you, I will throw a lime in the air and slice it in two with my katana (a type of sword invented by capitalistic Americans) and then stomp on one half and spit on the other. Then I will also stomp on the half I spit on. Then I will clean my shoes. Then I’ll play more video games.
Goodbye forever, limey. The destruction you have wrought is only temporary, but socialism will be a fool’s game forever.
Cordially,
American Frank
P.S. I really hope you didn’t believe any of that crap you spewed in all those e-mails you sent me, because you’d have to be the dumbest kid I ever encountered. Oh, and one more thing…
WANKER!
THE END
FIRST!
Oh, and where the hell is what he wrote?!
A fitting end to a rotten lime, I say.
It would have been interesting to see what he had written however. Oh well.
I dunno. I never read it.
Nicely done, Frank. Let him find someone else to rant pathetically to, we’ve got better things to do. Like go enjoy capitalism!! =)
Fermented capitalism? Hmm…
Great ending Frank. This had enough potential to be a book. A movie…imagine. Anyway I am kinda sad it’s over but hey, he was a wanker and wankers do’nt deserve that much attention.
Good stuff.
Fermented Capitalism and Coke (another Capitalist invention) on the rocks (yet ANOTHER Capitalist invention) for me, please.
I’ll take some fermented Capitalism as brewed by those genius Capitalists at the Guinness Brewry, please.
Wow – this is an extra-special Cinco de Mayo. Usually we just celebrate the French getting their asses kicked, but now limes will be stomped with glee (after all the juice is sucked out). Cheers!
Wow. I completely missed the last episode of the Limey (which might explain why my gums have been bleeding.) I went back and read it, and was amazed to see that he follows American culture also, that being the WWE. He notes that the champions are both foriegners. Point of order: Eddie Gurerro was born in El Paso, making him a TEXAN and Chris Beniot has rejected his French Canadian heritage and moved to Atlanta, Georgia.
Masterfully done, Frank.
You are an inspiration to us all, Frank. An excellent finale. 🙂
Double Wanker!! Take that!!
Thank God this is over.
Well done, Frank.
In celebration I will enjoy some of your so called “fermented capitalism”, which I’m sure will cause me to start a home based business while in my drunken stupor.
Frank,
Good ending to a great series. I always enjoyed your letters, but his were just the same thing over and over with different Rage against the wanker songs thrown in.
Good job, fitting end to an annoying child.
Thank christ this guy is gone. I was beginning to contemplate flying to Wales and strangling him. sigh I was beginning to enjoy that thought.
Very good ending. Now you should do a Know Thy Enemy piece on Ted Rall.
I agree with Camille… I want to kill that son of a bitch.
Oh, and Frank… whens our next mission? Im beginning to grow impatient.
speaking of Ted Rall… check out little green footballs today.. they have a nice cartoon.
http://www.littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/
Great ass-kicking finale! could we see you spilling some limey guts with the katana??
That’s a wrap!
Well done and good riddance! The guy is a poster boy for the need to reduce lead levels in Britian’s water supply.
It makes me glad that we have a large deep ocean in between us! I would strangle the little sh*t otherwise.
What the heck, it is cinco de mayo. Capitalist car bombs anyone?
–“Then I will also stomp on the half I spit on. Then I will clean my shoes. Then I’ll play more video games.”
…TOO FUNNY!!!! THAT WAS TOO FUNNY!!
–Yes, Frank… now we must turn our guns on Ted Rall. ALL GUNS!!
That was some fun stuff; it’s a true shame that it couldn’t have gone on longer. But, when half of a thing is fresh and new (yours) and half is the same thing over and over using different words (and not always even that; how many times exactly did he use the phrase ‘Fascist McFascist– he doesn’t exist’), it just can’t last. Perhaps if he wasn’t a stupid limey and was capable of forming thoughts he might have been able to keep his side entertaining for longer, but as my grandfather used to say, them’s the brakes. Thanks for it while it lasted.
sniff
kinda glad and kinda sad…
Hmmmmm. Instead of blocking them, isn’t there some way that you could generate an autoresponse to just keep sending an email with the single word “wanker” back to him/them?
Haha…That was a wonderful end to The Insane Limey problem. Just wonderful. I have money waged on the fact that this idiot still tries to write you and get his point across. Socialists seem to never get the point.
I agree with Cid; if the opponent had been more intelligent you probably could have gotten more mileage out him. The last few episodes were yawners not because of Frank’s responses but because of The Limey’s repetitive lack of originality.
Since I can’t seem to use trackback technology in Blogger (and if anyone knows different, please tell me!) I’ll let everyone know that I’ve commented on The Limey at http://the-zoo.blogspot.com/ … and I promise that’s the last time I shamelessly plug my blog in Frank’s comments.
Bring traffic to my site! Or I shall smite y … I mean please stop by The Zoo, I would be most appreciative.
S
…and I hope you burn in Limey Hell, a place where there are never any crumpets to go with your tea.(LMAO) LOVED IT, Frank! You’re too funny!
man h man it’s so easy to piss socialists off i wrote a post on that on my livejournal..all i said was i disagreed with her and she said “the media isn’t left wing i look at foreign media’s” and i replied oh that’s so much better even worse on the left side then i stated don’t get mad get glad…socialists can’t live with them and can live without them.
“Oh, and Frank… whens our next mission? Im beginning to grow impatient.”
Dviant, please refer to rules # 1 and 2
I am most upset that it is all over. I think the Limey will grow up in a few years though.
The best bit is the simple but clear “wanker” at the end of each letter. Class.
A eulogy worth more than the eulogised.
Poor Limey – he didn’t know to quit while he was ahead. (but then he never was ahead … the sap)
Of course, there never was a May Day parade, it was cancelled due to lack of interest.
Frank, as always i was going to skip to your letter then go back to read his drivel, but i scrolled right past it.
excellent end to the series.
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful Frank. Couldn’t imagine a better ending!
I don’t believe that the Limey believed everything he said. I don’t think anyone really could… at least I want to believe that nobody really could (but maybe I’m just giving socialists/liberals too much credit again). I think he just got off seeing his letters printed and figured the only way to see it continue was to be completely over the top.
Bravo Frank
I’m sad he’s gone, but on the other hand his lunacy was starting to wear thin. It’s good that you’ve quit before your material got stale, unlike several TV shows I could mention. ::cough::The SImpsons::cough::
Good job, as usual, Frank, but you’ll have to forgive me for not shouting “ENCORE!”–his demise couldn’t come fast enough for me. 🙂
STANDING OVATION
Wow, what a great ending – you spit on his lime half by not even reading his email!
If I wasn’t already grown up, I’d want to be Frank J!
This Limy guy isn’t for real right?
I mean, someone who formulates their worldview on Marxism combined with a generous helping of Rage Against the Machine, who thinks that they can start a proletariat revolution, and who dislikes every thing about Americans has got to have some screws loose right?
Right?
….man this world has all kinds of strange people. The second you find someone who you think is crazy, another one redefines the word.
Uhh, isn’t the katana a Japanese weapon, by definition? But huzzah on the final letter, death to annoyingly stupid kids with computers.
YOU F***ERS! F*** YOU! WHERE’S TONY’S EMAIL?
HA! So much for us being banned! Another lie from Frank Jackass’ bigoted mouth!
F*** FRANK JACKASS! F*** FRANK JACKASS! KILL THE F***ER!
F*** FRANK JACKASS!
Oh, look, he figured out how to mask his IP address. Or just re-booted his modem. If he can afford DSL. Yeah, right.
To all who arrive after this is posted, if it gets deleted, the four fools just posted again, probably from the same IP. The discourse from them has sunk from funny to pathetic. You haven’t missed a damn thing.
Frank, it was over, and you picked a good time to end the whole thing. It was getting way too repetitive from the limey’s end.
I was getting tired of it. I’ll leave the comments in memory of The Limey.
That dumbass just doesn’t know when to quit does he?
Wow. I sort of agree with cascade… can a person really be this stupid, bigoted, and uninformed? I mean, thinking socialism could work for an instant… And why can’t leftists communicate without swearing???
Anybody else get this morning’s e-mail from the limey about sandor?
noah–then their vocabulary would be severely limited. they’d be reduced to one sylable words and a series of grunts and hand motions.
Great stuff Frank, but I think you let him off to easy… especially after all his gloating over people dying in terrorist attacks.
Yeah, I got the e-mail about Sandor this morning. Not very well written. I agree with noah, many leftists often have trouble communicating without just being incredibly profane and offensive. It makes it very hard to have intelligent discussions with most of them.
I dunno, Denny, I think the Limey exceeded his 15 minutes of fame after the first 2 minutes. He’s not worth the energy needed to adequately recompense such vile beliefs. I’m just glad he’s gone! 🙂
But Pam, it’s Frank’s way! Don’t forget the Ode to Violence…
“Actually, violence, taken to certain extents, can solve any problem. Is someone annoying you with their idiotic opinion? Beat the hell out of ’em.” – Frank J.
Seek lithium limey. Goodbye. (wanker!)
Sixtieth!
Ah yes, Denny…the Ode. How could I forget the Ode… Fine then, maybe Frank will rewrite the finale with him unleashing Chomps on the limey. (I do hope he has all his shots–I’d hate to see the sweet little darling get sick. Chomps that is.) 😛
Aww….I love the smell of good, clean violence in the morning…
Well done, Frank. The Limey started getting boring a couple of posts back and wouldn’t have been worth the read had you not resuscitated him (which was beginning to look like a lot of work, given the material he was providing you.) You ended on a high note.
DNR and R.I.P., Stupiud Bastrad!
(Forgot to sign it.)
For some reason I was included on that email list. Must have just taken everyone’s email from this thread.
Does this mean that we’re better than everyone who didn’t get the email?
Frank, you have my respect even more now.. I could barely read through the limey’s email he sent out that hadn’t been through the Frank Limey Filter ™ but I was disappointed it didn’t have any rage lyrics..
I agree with EXTREME (wanker) ONE, where is Tonys e-mail?
And where is my new girlfriend Berkely Girl?
Great post Frank.
Just one suggestion though, I want to see the wanker’s letter itself.
Great blog thread, Frank. What a shallow, hated-filled blooming idiot ‘limey’ has proven himself to be. You’ve shown excellent hosting and communication skills in maintaining contact with him as long as you did.
For a completely different take on our friends across the pond – and we do have more there than ‘limey’s’ post would indicate – visit Iain Murray’s blog “The Edge of England’s Sword” at
http://www.iainmurray.org/MT/.
Most – but not all – of Iain’s correspondents are as conservative as I, and many have as delightful a grasp on reasoned discourse as has been displayed by you.
Thanks for the entertainment.
Why does it have to end?! Oh well. Very nicely done.
Ah, yes. The Limey will forever be in our fond remembrance. 🙂
-The Real Conservative Carl
aka The Half-Elven Commie Slayer
I personally will miss seeing four posts in a row from XTREME DUM, Spinich Militant, Curl, and Johnny Dope, each one patting himself on the back for the previous post. It was great fun, and I shall miss it. And I’ll miss the “editied for the children” method of replacing the f-word with “I challenge” and the other bad names with “ronin.” But most of all, I think I shall miss the phrase “stupiud bastrad.” To this end, I shall periodically use this phrase in fond memory of the now defunct Age of Capitalism, a.k.a. “the Pre-Mayday Era.”
So as we bid the coalition of the idiots a fond adieu, I salute you, Stupiud Bastrad. May you live a long, frustrating, and politically unfulfilled life. (Oh yeah, and see a psychiatrist about that MPD with your coalition friends. Is Cybil in your coalition too?)
Wanker.
The Wanker is Dead! Long live the Wanker!
The wanker is here.
I was half convinced this was a put-on – how could someone be that blind over and over who was being put on constantly? But from all the comments it looks like this guy is for real. Or something. Wow.
Asta la vista, Wanker.
Oh… my GOD! I can’t believe how much I laughed ever since reading The Limey.
The Limey episodes have become somewhat of an addiction… I have no doubts that I will read them again, and again, and again, then I’ll have to have a break, maybe play video games or something… But then I shall keep re-reading again and again, until I truely cannot read anymore.
Frank, you are truely a masterful mastermind of masterness.
“Masterness” is a word… right?
What the…
Why the crap are spam-vertisements appearing in a limey comment page?
Sir,
Without question, your initial response to “The Limey” is the funniest thing I have ever read on the Blogosphere… convulsively funny.
Brilliant work.
As an Australian Socialist who stumbled across this site accidentally, i have only one thing to say…
Go Limey!
Limey, if your reading this i would like to say to you congrats for being such a legend and trying to teach these capitalist pigs a lesson!
SOCIALISM ROCKS!@#!!!!
All the best,
Codie