Hello, Aquafans!
Guess who called upon me for my help?
That’s right, Kofi Anan, the whatchamacallit of the U.N. and man of unimpeachable integrity. Apparently the Bush regime, under the tutelage of the fiend Karl Rove, wants to place the dangerous, psychotic John Bolton in the U.N. to destroy it from the inside. Any superhero is familiar with that man who has terrorized countless cities. What Kofi knew, though, is that I had taken him down before.
What he didn’t know is that I had significant help from Batman and Superman, but I think I learned enough to face The Bolton myself. After being questioned by the Senate, The Bolton had gone into hiding – most likely to plot more evil. Only I could find him!
So I jumped in the ocean (always seems a good way to start) and talked to a marlin (I can talk to fish) that thought he had seen some Republicanism happening somewhere in the Atlantic. I followed him only to find a SECRET UNDERWATER BASE!!!
Yes! Finally! Why can’t more villains have secret underwater bases?
So, I snuck up to the bases and found an entrance for submarines. Once inside, I saw none other than…

AFRICAN-AMERICAN MANTA!!!
My arch-nemesis!
“Call me Black Manta,” he said, “I’m not into that PC crap.”
“You would be working with the Republicans, you fiend!”
“What can I say; I’m into fiscal responsibility. Muh ha ha ha!”
I gave him my angry glare. You don’t want to see my angry glare. “You’re more evil than ever!”
“Because I’m a Republican? What is it with people thinking that a black man can’t be a Republican?” he asked irately, “That’s racism right there.”
“That’s now what I meant,” I answered defensively, “It’s just that… Well, anyway, I know you’re working with The Bolton!”
“Do you mean me?” came a booming voice. It was none other than The Bolton, now in his regular supervillain costume of a black cape and spiky helmet.
“What are your fiendish plans for the U.N., you… fiend?”
“That you’ll never know about, Aquamaroon,” Black Manta answered. He then looked to The Bolton. “Do you want me to handle him?”
“Ha! I’ll take on you both!” I yelled as I called dolphins. They came jumping out of the water and flopping their way towards Black Manta and The Bolton.
“‘Stache Strength!” The Bolton yelled as he placed his hands on his hips. His mustache then began glowing until the glow consumed his entire body. He then struck the dolphins, sending them flying back into the water. He then looked to me. “You’ll think the U.N. is lucky after I’m through with you!” he shouted as he bent a piece of steel for show.
I knew now it was time for an ACTIVE REVERSE-MOMENTUM ATTACK! Within minutes, I had miles of ocean between me and the secret GOP base. As I hid under some rocks, I realized I hadn’t yet uncovered the plot, but I vowed to try again soon… one my nerves calmed down.
This is Aquaman, signing off.