D-hour is coming tomorrow, and, while people are talking about momentum now favoring Republicans, the Democrats are going to have to suck extra super bad to not at least get the House. So, what then?
First off, while having the Democrats back in charge of something will suck, we’re a strong county and we’ve dealt with plenty worse. It’s important to note that we spent pretty much the entire Cold War with a Democrat controlled Congress, and, while Democrats now merely sympathize with the po’ wittle terrorists, back then they actually loved Communism. They still do. Yet, we won the Cold War, because we’re just that awesome.
Think of the Democrats as a handicap. America is so glorious and powerful and that our dealings with other nations would be way too easy if we didn’t at least have some handicap to make things harder. Thus we got the Democrats, and, without their dead weight, international affairs would be simple and boring.
So, how do we win with the Democrats trying to hold us back? That’s where strategery comes into play. Now, terrorists will see a Democrat victory as evidence they successfully intimidated. Fine. If they think we’re retreating, maybe they’ll let their guard down a little. They might even dance in the street in celebration. Then we spray them with acid… or whatever it is we usually do with dancing crowds of terrorists.
And what will the Democrats do? They’ll probably be confused at first, not having held the House in so long. But you know what they want to do. They claim they don’t want to do it, they try to resist the urge, but I don’t think they can stop themselves. Monkeys fling poo – it’s in their nature. In the same vein, Democrats are going to call for the impeachment of George W. Bush.
And we need that. Is there a better way to discredit the Democrats than to have them try and uselessly impeach the president during a time of war?
“I support impeaching Bush!”
“Why?”
“He lied and… uh… destroyed civil liberties!”
“What did he lie about? What civil liberties did he take away?”
“You know… uh… stuff! Just… uh… ask the people in Gitmo! They’re not happy!”
The Democrats will be so beat down by public opinion after this spectacle, they’ll do whatever we tell them. They’ll dance for our amusement just so everyone doesn’t hate them anymore. So, impeachment will be great. Some may say it will be a big distraction, but that’s a stupid argument. Everything in DC is a big distraction. This should be a fun one at least.
So how do we make sure the Democrats rush to impeach President Bush? The nutroots. They’ll think it’s owed to them. They’ll probably be quiet at first, expecting the Democrats to get to it eventually. That’s why we’ll need to goad them. We’ll tell the KosKids, “The Democrats aren’t going to listen to you about impeaching Bush because they think you’re all a bunch of wieners who are dumb and smell.”
And they’ll be like, “No! We not wieners! We not dumb! We no smell! We show you!” Then they’ll bang their highchairs until the Democrats are unable to ignore them. And we all know how Democrats respond to intimidation.
Thus we get our lovely spectacle and a clear path to trouncing the Democrats in 2008, filling our government with cold-blooded terrorist killers.
Impeachment: It’s a strategy for the future.
Hmmmm, now hold on a minute there Frank. Impeach Bush? I expect you are referrng to this Bush, not muh daddy, right? How about trying to get Jeb impeached instead. He’sj ust president of one state, I’m president of an entire country, made up of lotsa states, like thirty or more. If the democrats try to impeach me, then I’ll be all distracted and everything from my main goal: killing terrorists. Think about it Frank.
Don’t forget, there’s an added bonus to this plan. The Democrats will be so distracted with impeaching Bush that Bush will be able to order oh, let’s say the slaughter of thousands of terrorists without catching the D’s attention.
Hey, if it worked for Clinton…
I am John Kerry and I’m reporting for duty! I read your article Frank J from IMAO and I don’t get it. Someone once told me you are funny but I John Kerry know funny–funny is a friend of mine–and you Frank J are no Funny! If you weren’t as dumb and lazy as our troops–oops–my staff wrote that for me–ha ha ha–now that was funny– and I won’t apologize to anyone for anything because I am a hero war veteran decorated rich–um–I’m sorry if you losers misunderstood me–Impeach Bush!!!
John Kerry
Sounds like… a new mission!
D’oh! I never wrapped up the old one; too busy with the book.
Who dumped a whole truck-load of fizzies into the Reflection Pond? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the Congressional dinner? Every Halloween, the cherry trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets in the Capitol Building explode. You’re damn right we are going to impeach that asshole! And believeme, the American people are right behind us because we are mainstream! Eeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggghhh!
There’s something wrong with us! Something very, very wrong with us! Something seriously wrong with us!
frank, as a person of the crippled persuasion I have to compete with folks in chairs and so on for parking spaces, now I have to compete with democrats for those same spaces. d’oh! Will they get crippled signs on thier plates or will it just be a donkey? Will Sen Kennedy need two spaces? bid you peace love and understanding
ceann rua
Letting the Dems clear some big-spending Republican dead wood from the House to make it a more target-rich environment for stone-cold killers in 2008 could be a good plan if it weren’t for one thing: we’d have to have 40 good senators to filibuster the illegal alien amnesty. Lots of senators are old and may have forgotten they still have to run for reelection, finding 40 of ’em to stay awake with Harry Reid running the show may be too much to ask. Now, I like the President a lot, except on immigration and compassion, but is there something we could agree with the Koskids to impeach him on? And could we do it in time to give Cheney a chance to turn the White House upside down looking for that lost veto pen?
I agree. He’s too compassionate.