In the wake of the Virginia Tech shootings, I’ve seen a lot of people putting the blame on guns. “We need more gun control laws”, they say… “If we didn’t have so many guns in this country, this never would’ve happened”, they say… “Stupid Second Amendment! I’ll get you for this!” they say.
Slow down there, Sparky! The fact is, guns were already prohibited on the Virginia Tech campus. Having another anti-gun law would be as pointless as outlawing murder, and I don’t hear anybody calling for that.
The truth is that these anti-gun wackos are barking up the wrong constitutional doctrine. The problem lies with the First Amendment, not the Second.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with speeching and pressing and religioning and redressing. It’s that assembling thing that makes these killing sprees possible. When people get together in large groups, all they’re really doing is providing an irresistable target-rich environment, enticing psychopaths to start blasting away. It’s like wearing a short skirt and skimpy top while walking down a street – might as well hand out engraved invitations.
Oh, I know what you’re going to say. “We need the right of assembly. Groups of angry citizens mobbing together is one of the last lines of defense against a tyrannical government that oversteps it’s bounds”.
Feh.
Worked really good for the Chinese in Tiananmen Square, didn’t it? What are you going to do? Stop a tank by standing in front of it holding a couple shopping bags? That might’ve worked 200 years ago, but tanks were much smaller then.
The fact is, freedom of assembly is just an archaic holdover from a bygone era. In today’s modern age, people have NO REASON to physically get together in large groups. Technology has provided us with e-mail, and telephones, and blogs, and on-line shopping. Everything that used to require physical proximity can now be accomplished virtually. The problem is that our Consitution is just as archaic as the ridiculous “freedom” it enshrines. It needs to be updated to reflect modern realities.
However, Constitutional amendments are notoriously hard to pass (heck the last one took over 200 years), and the fact is, we don’t need to do away with public assembly COMPLETELY – be kinda hard to get laid that way – we just need to modify our outdated notions a bit, and live within a more reasonable framework of interpersonal gathering modalities. You know, pass a few prudent laws that sensibly restrict, rather than repeal.
For example, it’s tragically obvious at this point that allowing people to assemble for the purpose of education has – without exception – ended in mass murder every time it’s been tried. Why not have virtual classrooms? Each student and teacher securely locked away in their own homes, learning via some sort of Skype & Webcam arrangement? Can’t have a school shooting without a school, and no one’s ever been murdered in the safety of their own home. If only we as a nation had taken this logical and obvious approach earlier! How many lives would’ve been saved?
Of course, this is only a first step. The sad fact is that other forms of assembly would remain to be dealt with. Work places, malls, parks, orgies, Tupperware parties… all knowingly flaunting their tempting, shootable flesh, driving the disturbed among us mad with unquenchable desire… eventually something would have to be done about those, too. Maybe some judicious amendment-editing IS in order. Even a simple addition like “right of the people peaceably to assemble – one to a room” might be enough.
Anyway, thank you for reading, and please support this common sense approach to tragedy prevention.
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Get Out of Here! This Is MY Room!” and “Should the Right To Assemble Include C++?”.
If Harvey’s books come with a CD on the back flap, I’ll buy.
I guess I can stop writing my article on this exact same subject now. thanks Harvey.
This is a very poor effort, Harvey.
Not everything in the world validates your opinions. There are such things as unintended consequences. Allowing citizens to keep guns maintains our freedom from potentially oppressive governments. It also allows maniacs access to them. Sometimes those maniacs kill lots more people with guns than they would have otherwise.
You don’t seem to want to accept responsibility for the bad that comes along with the good.
Very poorly done.
I think the last commenter missed some of the satire…
I agree that more gun laws aren’t going to stop anyone from getting one illegally. Hello? McFly? THEY. BOUGHT. IT. ILLEGALLY! That means “not by lawful means” or something like that.
Great article, Harvey!
You all r be racist. Him was onli expressing he self. hiM kill u long time, richers and classmats. In the words of Rozy oDonell:
“Ching chong change chang.”
So ther.
It may have been satire …
… It was still not funny.
But if I can’t assemble in large groups I can’t play D&D or Serenity!!! What’ll I do with all these d20’s and other various sided dice now?!?!?!?
Just great, I’m already having a hard enough time finding people to hang out with me.
Jerk.
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Get Out of Here! This Is MY Room!” and “Should the Right To Assemble Include C++?”.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Hmmm….maybe I do read too many computer books.)
Hey, we already have the pricks on the left advocating disarming us further! Had just ONE student had a gun with which to fight back this might have been minimized…but NO…the left wants to make us bigger victims! When they can guarantee me that they have disarmed ALL the bad guys they can have my gun…until then FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!!!
Does anyone know why the VA tech shooting is being called the largest mass murder in U.S. History. More than twice as many were killed without a gun at the Happyland social club.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happyland_Fire
Makes perfect sense to me. Maybe we need to rethink the whole Bill of Rights. After all it was created by white male Christian heterosexuals. It has annoyed the French ever since. The jihadis are certainly offended by it. That should count. Maybe Ahmadinejad and Rosie could come up with something better. Dream Team!
Should the Right To Assemble Include C++?
I’m now having to explain to the largely computer-illiterate employers at my client what it was about that title that had me laughing so hard.
I agree wholeheartedly, which is why I rarely attend crowded movie theaters. It’s not that the movies turned out by Hollywood suck. No, I think the idea of watching a girl shoot people with a gun for a leg is brilliant – and Al Gore showing slides from his summer vacation? Fascinating.
It’s just too tempting for the terrorists. From what I can see, at huge personal sacrifice, plenty of others share my view and have also given up the incredible enjoyment of Hollywood’s movie brilliance in order to prevent a tragedy. Together we’ve sacrificed to make sure that movie theaters are rarely crowded. Take that terrorists!
Yeah, I knew that people would start making those stupid anti-gun arguments after this whole thing. Except that they are all blind and need to realize, that even if guns were outlawed, this still would have happened. People who use guns for crimes will find a way to get them, having a law making them illegal won’t stop them.
Take marajuana for example. Its illegal isn’t it? Do people still have it? Of course. The same with guns. But stripping law abiding citizens the right to carry guns just makes us more vulnerable and defenseless against those who will have them for crime purposes.
In the VT shooting case, no law would have protected those students, because guns were already banned, so anti gun activists using this event as a basis for their argument are just stupid airheads.
“I’m now having to explain to the largely computer-illiterate employers at my client what it was about that title that had me laughing so hard.”
I can relate. Only now, my co-workers are so used to my outbursts of laughter that they don’t even ask anymore.
“You don’t seem to want to accept responsibility for the bad that comes along with the good.”
I wonder if this cat drives as did Toonses the Driving Cat. You see driving has unintended consequences as well, fuel is often used to create bombs, I know I know, we need gas and deisel to outrun oppressive governments. It also allows maniacs access to it. Sometimes those maniacs kill lots more people with bombs than they would have otherwise. Recall any bombers named Tim?
After twenty years warming up the crowds, Harvey finally graduates to the big time.
Way to go, Harv! Took ya long enough too!
LOL funny. Thanks.
Julie,
I don’t think I said it was “funny” – I interpreted the piece as addressing the absurdity of infringing on our 2nd amendment rights by way of satire (re: abridging the rights of Americans to peaceably assemble).
I have to listen to statements like this all day at work. Unlike Harvey, these people are serious!
Good job! If you don’t think this is funny, you might need to get a life.
A ‘lanche!
Congrats!
Ed Colletta, I agree that this is definitely not the largest mass murder in US history. If I recall correctly, that particular incident took 100 times as many lives, and the 19 participants used box cutters rather than guns.
the left wants to make us bigger victims
The genius that is ussjimmycarter has hit upon the perfect solution. Pass a law that mass murderers have to kill the fat people first. Then the tall people. They won’t get around to shooting me for weeks. I’ll have time to go buy a gun for self defense even with the Brady bill waiting period. You go, ussjimmycarter!
s ban large assemblies.
Make it a ten year minimum sentence (twenty for MSM hacks) for gathering at a Democratic Convention.