So is anything going to get Hillary Clinton to finally drop out of the primary? It’s like Obama could just fire a shotgun point blank into her and she’d just stand right back up and keep coming, hacking away at Obama’s campaign staff with a machete. She once caused Jason Voorhees to exclaim in frustration, “Why won’t she die?!” Hillary even recently vowed, “The only thing Obama will be president of is his own grave… upon which I shall dance! Muh ha ha ha!”
I have an idea for the Obama campaign: Have Hillary chase you through a series of tunnels until you can trap her and pour molten lead on her. Then pour water on her to cause her to rapidly cool and shatter. Or if while she’s tearing you apart at on a campaign boat, see if you can get an oxygen tank caught in her mouth and shoot it, exploding her. Or back on her home turf, have her chase you onto the Brooklyn Bridge to get her entangled in the suspension cables and then hit her with an F-18 strike. Or you could poison her with lots of Head & Shoulders shampoo. Or get her to burrow after you and then use a stick of dynamite to trick her into flying off a cliff. And you can always try fire. Lots of fire. Or holy water.
But be careful if it looks like you finally got her, though. She’ll grab you and try to make you fall of the building with her. Get that Rolex watch off and let her fall before she can get off one last shot.
Though, honestly, Obama, I think a noose hanging from the ceiling may be your only escape from her. Sorry, dude.
Sadly for Barack, the only fool-proof way to stop the Hildebeast is to have Fred Thompson glare at her.
I would freeze her with liquid nitrogen and then shoot her so she shatters. Or maybe wounding her badly enough that she activates the self-destruct mechanism on her arm. Of course, if she were capable of pushing that button, she would have done it long ago.
I also wonder what a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to Hillary’s head would do.
Encase her in carbonite, it’s the only way.
Hillary would so kick Chuck Norris around like a large cat playing with a very helpless mouse! C’mon! Hillary needs competition here! Like coming at here with a fleet (at least 100) B-52’s loaded to the gills with MOAB’s. Once all these are dropped then a fleet of F-22 Raptors are sent in to unload everything they have on the spot…when they are done, a fleet of Wart-Hogs go in and unload their guns. When this is over, we send in 1,000 Abrams tanks to fire everything they have at once while at the same time the Army unloads from 30 miles away every thing their artillary has. When this is over, we send in a fleet of B2 Bombers to Super Saturate Nuclear Bomb the site…then we unleash ever chemical and germ agent we have and then and only then might Hillary be done in…maybe…maybe not though…
ok, I got most of these, but what movie does trapping her in suspension cables come from? And could not the shotgun blast also apply to T2 as well as Friday the 13th?
Immerse her body in LYE and desolve it. Then, feed the resulting liquid to a 2000 degree incinerator. Trap the hot gasses, evaporate the H2O and capture the precipitated remains in a tank to be launched into the Sun using the Space Shuttle and the Intertial Upper Stage. Equip it with a nuclear fail-safe on the final trajectory, just in case.
Watch for odd Sun behavior afterwards with flares and coronal mass ejections resembling spectral ‘cackles.’
Nice start, Jimmy. I actually felt a certain anatomical shrivel, thank you very much.
But you forgot the garlic and holy water.
Bah! My half-black rage will surely destroy her! Do you doubt the power of your messiah, you racist crackers?
Not yet Hillary, you hang in there and don’t let these crackers push you out prematurely.
The longer she stays in the race and keeps Dems fighting among themselves, the less time Dems have to smear our side.
Haven’t you all seen The Wizard of Oz?
It’s a documented fact – one bucket of water, and she’s toast.
JImmy! Are you nuts! Hillary would extinguish the SUN and the entire world would be doomed! Doomed I say! Don’t go messing with stuff that we need to survive like the Sun or gravitational fields or Quantum Physics…Hillary can defeat any of your feeble attempts at destruction and come back stronger than ever….Muh ha ha ha ha
“She’s is the song that never ends,
Yes she goes on and on my friend.
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
And they’ll continue singing it forever just because…
Now y’all will have that song stuck in your minds all day. Tee hee. Sorry couldn’t resist.
5 stars for the Evolution (Selinium is her Arsenic!) and Tremors reference. If only you had worked Deep Rising in there as well…
I used to sprinkle salt on slugs. Would that work, ussjimmycarter? Mayber that’s all it takes.
Or, how about the Large Hadron Collider at CERN? We put her in there and bombard her with relativistic protons. Of course, just our luck, she’d give off antiprotons, mini black holes and strangelets and the Earth would be destroyed.
Or, we cook her, and eat her, and have the best (beast?) Christmas feast ever!
Hmm… Socratesian garlic and holy water… Hmm… A good old-fashioned, Catholic exorcism? Followed by a silver bullet and a wooden stake while we all sing “Up the Lazy River” ?
I like the astro-chemical or nuclear stategy. In her case, nothing is off the table.
Sorry, USSJC, but if the US Military can’t fix it, it ain’t broken. Hillary may be a vicious, life-sucking Queen of the Harpies, but if she ever came up against a real enemy like, say, a 16 year old boy carrying a 2×4 with a nail in it, she’d run screaming like John Edwards. If she can’t put Obama in his place, she can’t win a thumb wrestling competition.
Brooklyn aint her home turf. It’s dirty enough. Trap IT on the Tapanzee Bridge and show IT a cross, then drive a stake through IT’s heart(if you can find it). Damn carpetbagging witch, she fits right in in Chicago, she should have stayed there.
I always imagine the DNC convention being somthing like the mines of Moria scene in FotR lots of unwasheed hippies climbing out of every crack and crevice of Colorado the HillROG chases Gandama to the bridge and Gandama shouts “YOU SHALL NOT BE THE NOMINEE!!!!!!”……and as she falls off of the broken bridge she drags him down with her whip of fire……..
but the DNC version would be much scarier with less CGI and much more horribly smelling/looking goblins…..
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Hillary outdoors at an event. Has anyone ever really seen her exposed to sunlight? I say someone shoot her with a crossbow through the heart with an arrow tied to a steel cable which is attached to an SUV. Hit the gas and drag her into the sunlight and watch her explode like a super nova! I think that might work…or it might not…
obama looks so cute in the pics!!!
\
http://japundit.com/archives/2008/05/23/8479/
Good Lord of the Rings reference earlier, but “drop her in the fires of Mount Doom” seems necessary to mention.
Frank, you watch more bad sci fi than I do. If you ever visit Chicagoland, there’s a beer and a spot on the couch with your name on it.
#5. The Brooklyn Bridge cable reference is to the Godzilla movie that starred that guy from Farris Buelers’ Day Off.
#18 & 21. Ron Paulidoc stabs the dark towering mace wielding figure in the back of her knee and Ann Coulterwen pulls off her helmet, smarls, “I am no man!”, and lets the Witch Queen, Lord of the Nazcrats have it right between the eyes. (You can’t expect the dems to deal with a menace like this).
I thought dropping a cometary fragment on her, AKA ‘Deep Impact’ might work but Maybe locking her and Bill in a closet after force feeding him Viagra might be enough to break her will to live.
You need to proofread this article better, Frank.
In the first paragraph, you used the word even too many times, and in the second, you said this:
“see if you can get oxygen tank caught in her mouth”
Kind of distracting to read when I’m tired anyway.
Does anybody else think that the end of Demolition Man where Stallone says ” Head’s Up!” then kicks off the frozen head of Wesey Snipes is the best f**cking movie line ever? . .
Get it? HEAD’S up?
Classic. . .
Sam,
For anyone that is voting for Obama their favorite movie quote is
“I wish I knew how to quit you” by Jake Gyllenhaal as Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain.
Democratic policy “Garbage in, Garbage out.”
Kent,
I thought about the dropping her in to Mount Doom….
But I figured I would have no success getting that fat ass past the mouth of the volcano….
Now I’m disappointed. I thought for sure someone was going to call FrankJ a racist for using the word “noose” in a post about a black man.
Only problem with the Head & Shoulders plan is where you gotta put it…
A stake through the heart wouldn’t be enough. You also have to cut off her head, fill her mouth with salt, and sew her eyes and mouth shut. If the body begins to move sans head, pump with an overdose of reanimation-agent until the body explodes.
If all else fails, fly over her with a B2, and drop Michael Moore from about 10,000 feet. True, the resulting hot air blast would take out a large portion of America, but nothing known that live could withstand such a blast. If it does, do the same, dropping Ted Kennedy.
Oh, almost forgot…for the last fail-safe, there’s always the solarminite bomb….
Snarl. Not Smarl. I wish I had spell check.
Well, Hillary finally said one of the two scenarios I have been predicting she would rely upon to become president. Here are the scenarios:
1) She sees that Obama is shot and guess what, there is only one man standing (yes, I wouldn’t quite qualify her as a woman- neither would Bill, it seems).
2) Obama is STUPID ENOUGH to make her the VP and she does what Bill Clinton’s REAL natural father did, eliminate the competition and take office (how to get Obama to Dallas and riding in an open, 1960’s Lincoln limousine, though?)
Variations on option 1: suggest it innocently and some crazy &/or bigoted person out there will do it, say that Obama has had a fling with Jody Foster and be sure Hinkley is not being monitored… and has had target practice, or arrange it.
R.E. item #2. A certain Texas politician used to hand out with mobsters in the resorts around Hot Springs, Arkansas… if you look at pictures of Linden Johnson when he was young and then look at pictures of Bill Clinton, the resemblance is uncanny. How to get DNA tests – and accurate samples? If only there were a White House Intern available!?!
I don’t know why she wont quite but I do know who will playher role in the movie – Arnold “the Terminator” or is it Jason with that awful mask in Halloween #76?