Our old pal Speakerof the House Dennis Hastert (R?) is demanding the FBI return documents from a search of a allegedly, though y’know probably, actually, since they caught him on video oand all, corrupt congressman’s office and take the agents involved off the case. Well, poop be upon you, and your demands Mr. Speaker, because I have a demand or two, maybe three of my own.
* I demand the FBI KEEP (that’s right I said it, keep) the documents! Do whatever you want with them. Read them, copy them. See if there’s any reference of any speakers of any houses getting any those tinfoil wrapped lettuce leftovers for his freezer.
* I demand the FBI KEEP (that’s right I said it twice, keep) the agents ON the case! Why take them off? What a waste of time. They’re keeping the documents, didn’t you read my other demand? The one where I demanded they KEEP them? We want some new agents to have to go over them and find out about his other probable alleged activity?
* I demand that Dennis Hastert tell the American taxpayers the real reaaon why he’s acting like such a cover-uppity dingus instead of acting like he supports truth, justice and the American way.
Those are my demands and they trump any Speaker’s demands because I’m ******
[We interrupt this post to tell you]

TAYLOR HICKS WON AMERICAN IDOL!

Sorry McPhan’s, the McPheever has broken.

ROVE indicted! What? You haven’t heard, possibly due to the Bush regime’s ordered news blackout??
Well, it’s so completely and absolutely TRUE!
Read this for proof!
Doubtful? Wizbang has the photoshopic truth! See? You just can’t fake that. That’s his FACE, man! Those are the police! I thought the story couldn’t get any truer but it has.
Also now we’re all getting our very own unicorn!!!!
****THIS JUST IN!!!!! ***

Bush to be impeached then convicted and finally deported ALL LIVE tonight during his immigration speech!!!!!

THIS ALSO JUST IN!!!!!

Al Gore to be INSTALLED AS PRESIDENT!!!! Right after he invents a car that runs on rainbows, moonbeams and failed cable TV programming.

Set your Tivo!

Coffee.
It’s what’s for breakfast.
Speaking of coffee. I’m going for another cup.
What gets YOU going in the morning?
Coffee?
Mt Dew?
An unflinching desire to stamp out liberalism?
Update: The comments have degraded into a Mt Dew vs Coffee flame war. Join now!

The NSA is wiretapping illegal aliens who are trying to cover up Patrick Kennedy’s failed attempt to run over and thus end Barry Bonds run at the HR record because it’s an illegal war for high oil prices, but he supports the troops.
Your thoughts?
Speak truth to power right here!

RWD: Hello, I’m Rightwingduck and I’m bringing you the news.
SM: Hello, I’m spacemonkey and I’m bringing you some doodles.
RWD: News
SM: Doodles
Together: Newdles!

Yay, It’s magic. It’s magic.
Magician David Blaine stunned the world by staying submerged underwater for seven days.
All that time underwater left Mr. Blaine wrinkled, withered and pruny. People say, “How can that be magic?” I disagree. It’s not easy going in looking like David Blaine and coming out looking like Helen Thomas.

A person can stay underwater for seven days? Wow, if Ted Kennedy had known that, he might have stood a chance at becoming president.

Speaking of the Kennedy clan. Representavie Patrick Kennedy checked himself into a rehab program. We are at the point where rehab programs have what’s called the Kennedy Plan. It features courses in proper nutrition, stress management, and driver’s ed.
Future Kennedy cars will have a standard safety feature: A chauffeur.
Why can’t cars drive themselves? Like the K.I.T.T. on Knight Rider. Did you hear about this? They are going to make the movie version of Knight Rider, a TV show from the eighties that featured dangerous crime fighting. It will star David Hasselhoff and feature less violence than his last marriage.
Bwuhahaha.
David’s got more attitude for this movie. In fact, there’s this one scene where he gives Kitt a good washing, using SpongeBob Squarepants.
Times have changed. In the movie, Hasselhoff doesn’t get the girl, but KITT does makes out with the GPS system.
The original proposed title was; “Old guy with a really cool car.”
Heh. Heh. Old guys.
President Bush is in Florida promoting the new Medicare Prescription Drug benefit.
Maybe if he could get more seniors on drugs, he’d get them to approve of him.
Dubya’s playing dirty pool. Every person he meets he hugs yelling, “Grandpa I love you.”
Even the ladies.

In other Hollywood news, we’re hearing talk that Ashlee Simpson had a nose job. True. They’re saying that she had a bump removed from her nose. I think it’s a good decision. That bump on her nose was starting to distract from her lip synching.
Star Jones might be leaving her morning slot at The View. Rumor has it the chatty talk show will try to replace her with Rosie O’ Donnell. That’s what the show needs — another loud mouthed, opinionated talker involved in a homosexual relationship. Why did they even bother to make a change? I could simply take the picture on the screen and adjust the brightness level.
RWD: (Playing with contrast knobs). “White chick. Dark chick. White chick. Dark chick.”

Barry Bonds is now closing in on the homerun record held by Babe Ruth. 714!
Some people say he’s using ‘roids to help him get the record, i say if the burning and itching help him hit it better, who cares?
If he DOES break the record, he’ll be assured a spot in the Baseball Hall of Fame, provided they ever build a Pharmacology wing.
Barry’s been a pro for a long, long time. But, I can still remember back when he was playing in the pharma leagues.
Hey, Barry and Dubya have something in common: They’re both selling the benefits of a good drug plan.

Ok, that’s the newdles, it’s spacemonkey’s name for it. Spacemonkey and I want to know what you liked but really we want to know what you loved!

The liberals might be a bunch of stupid monkey faces, but I, the very conservative spacemonkey, am a smart monkey. Whatever my face might look like.
See?