Archive of entries posted by spacemonkey

Vote Or Diet

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Hmm, this Podcast thing is really taking off around here.
I’m guessing here that you are wondering right now how you can show some support for the IMAO podcast. No? Well you are now, right? RIGHT!
You know you want to show your support for the iMao podcast, don’t you?
Sure you do! That’s why you’ll vote for us at podcast alley and also at podcast pickle (tis on the right, scroll down a bit, brother) and show how you think the IMAO Podcast is extra super happy #1 fun show and how you love us Frank, you really, really love us Frank.

Voting is so totally cool*, everybody is doing it. So c’mon, vote! What are you, chicken?

Oh and the whole diet thing in the title was just an empty threat. I’m sure your personal body image has no bearing on whether you vote or not. Tubby.
*I was going to say ‘totally hitler‘ but you know, that would be so y’know, totally unhitler to say so.
Updates below the fold

Continue reading ‘Vote Or Diet’ »

Carnival of Comedy Reminder- Now With Improved Graphic!

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uncleimao.jpg
Don’t forget the Carnival of Comedy is coming up Thursday! Harvey is hosting this week while I’m at the beach with my family. Thanks Harvey! So, try not to send in a bunch of stinkers, everybody!
Thanks to RightWingDuck, last weeks Carnival of Comedy was a smashing success and the smashing was mostly around Duck’s head. So, thanks Ducky!
The observant among you will notice that cadet happy has dressed up Uncle Sam in some IMAO approved duds. MUUUCH more patriotic I think. Nice work cadet happy!
Want more info about the carnival? Go here.

Top 10 Almost Useless GREAT Things That I’ve Learned About Frank J.

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In light of his birthday and his prompting I have composed a Top 10 list of almost useless GREAT things that I’ve learned about Frank J.
10. Frank J. likes to release a t-shirt on every noteworthy occasion. Case in point, the “Know Thy Enemy: Inlaws” Pocket T that he plans to wear at his wedding so he can promote it using the wedding photos.
9 Frank owns, and uses guns for defense but prefers the ‘personal touch’ of an edged or blunt weapon for making attacks on his enemies. An elegant weapon from a more civilized time or something to that effect, plus a beat down takes a longer to apply than a simple shooting.
8. Frank J. has pants legs sewn onto some of his sleeves, so he can keep a katana or a long stick concealed. He says these are not ‘in case of attack’ rather they are ‘in case I attack’.
7 Frank J. was frightened by something smelly, hairy, stupid and dirty when he was just a little ronin. He isn’t sure if it was a Frenchman, a hippy or a monkey so… he’s devoted his life to eradicating all three.
6. Frank J. loves the smell of napalm – any time of day, not just in the morning. But he says it smells like money, which smells better than victory any day of the week.
5. When Frank J. is about to attack, he gets this eerily calm look about him and then he softly utters the word ‘pancakes.’
4. Frank J. doesn’t fear change, he embraces it. In fact he does this funny little dance/song while he embraces it whenever he finds some.
3. Frank J.’s idea of supporting multicutural diversity means mercilessly beating foreigners with a stick which was grown in their home country. He always asks and if he doesn’t have the appropriate stick up his large sleeves, he’ll calmly get their contact information and put them on his ‘To Beat’ list, till he has the stick and can beat them in a proper multicuturally diverse and supportive manner.
2. Frank J. has a large and growing collection of imported sticks.
And the number one almost useless GREAT thing that I’ve learned about Frank J…

Continue reading ‘Top 10 Almost Useless GREAT Things That I’ve Learned About Frank J.’ »

Carnival Of Comedy Reminder and News

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It’s almost Carnival of Comedy Time!
But that’s not the real news. The REAL News is that the two upcoming Carnivals of Comedy will have hosts whose name don’t rhyme with macebunky.
They rhyme with the following:
BrightBlingBuck
Marvey
Can you guess their names? Sure you can.
That’s right, comedy fans, RightWingDuck will be drawn and quartered hosting this week. And Harvey will be hung by the neck until dead hosting the following week. So lets give the two new hosts a great big IMAO welcome.
Yay! Don’t forget to submit entries for this weeks carnival before the end of Wednesday. After that, you’ll just have to wait till the following carnival.
Sorry to be such a hardnose but, who am I kidding? I love enforcing rules, POWER!

Carnival Of Comedy Five

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I was thinking about this weeks Carnival of Comedy (heh) and I thought ‘should I go through the effort to make a quasi-humorous lead-in for the fifth Carnival of Comedy? [ed note: There are actually somtimes html links in my thoughts] Or should I just let the funny speak for itself?”

After thinking about this for a while, I decided to let the funny speak for itself.

Then I decided that just a bunch of links would make me look stupid and lazy. Not wanting to look stupid and lazy any more than I already do, I decided to do what I’ve done here that you are now finished reading.

This Weeks Carnival of Comedy.

hatless in hattiesburg at hatless in hattiesburg presents Pop Culture Revisionism, Pt.1

Jason Pomerantz at Fiddle and Burn: A Daily Comic Strip in Prose presents The Can

The Evil Emperor Mindstation at Point Five presents Conservatives Develop Deadly Pie Throwing Techniques

Jess at Life…or something like it presents A LOSLI interview with Will of Will’s 4223 [L]

Kim Chong-il at Beloved Leader presents I Cannot Wait

Citizen Grim at Right Hand of God presents Hillary Clinton: Queen of Blades?

Korgmeister at Bullet Holed Messenger presents Photo Essay: [Bleep] Dirty Hippies at the VSU Protest [L]

Kid Various at The Idiom presents Overheard [L]

Doc Rampage at Doc Rampage presents French Movies

Will Franklin at WILLisms.com presents Joshua Fleming, Commenting Coward.

Dean (not my real name) at Stop The Neocon Death Machine presents Why Stop The Neocons

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents Newsweek Article Spurs Wave Of “Islamo-rappers”

John Hatch at Ideas Hatched presents love advice from hip-hop greats

chaika at chaikaroma presents New Food Pyramid

Jim McCarthy at Letter From California presents Come to the Dark Side…of the Sidewalk

Equuschick at The Common Room presents Equuschick and the Boy

Rory at What not to do in Asia presents Massacre on a bathroom floor. [L]

Josh Cohen at Multiple Mentality presents Not what I expected

Ferdinand T. Cat at Conservative Cat presents Cheerleaders

Mad House Madman at Chronicles of a Medical Mad House presents What an [bleep]hole [L]

Kelly at Time to Lean presents Actual places my demented patients wanted to go tonight

Chad Hamilton at PlaidBerry presents Bumper Sticker Ideology II

El Capitan at Baboon Pirates presents Ewww. This Is Just Some Funky [Bleeeipe].

Laura (IMAO Regular and prank afficianado) presents Great Droid

ManiaC Provost at Ether Mind presents The Adventures of Johnny American – Saison Finale

Dana at Northshore Politics presents What McCain was really thinking

David at third world county presents Secure Our Borders?

Tommy at Striving for Average presents My Conversation with a Best Buy Sales Rep

Yarbz (Cris) at Juggernuts presents My PhotoShop Humor [L, Some NSFW]

jimmyb at The Conservative UAW Guy presents Sic em’ (Communist China)

Jody at Steal the Bandwagon presents Think Sink Exposed!

armywifetoddlermom at ArmyWifeToddlerMom presents pink ninja training camp lesson 234

The confusing alert levels put into plain American.

Frank J. at IMAO presents A Frank Guide to Homeland Security Alert Levels

Hoodlumman at File it Under presents Forecasting Politics

Loren Kohl at Almanac of the Mundane presents New Humor Page

Kim at Ramble Strip presents Tom Cruise is on Oafra. And he loves Katie Holmes. No really, he DOES.

Bill C at Brain Droppings presents The Galloway Lecture Series

Bill C at The Daily Cause presents Wilbanks Indicted

Pete at The Daily Cause presents The Blog Name Change

Senator Walters at The Stall Street Journal presents The Walters World Factbook Guide to: Romania

Falco Jugger at JuggerBlog presents How Well Do You Know Your American Anthropormorphisms?

Patriot Xeno at Right Hand of God presents Dealing with Newsweek

Two Dogs at Mean Ol’ Meany presents Economics 101-The Two Dogs Way (Continued)

That does it for this week. Thanks for playing, reading, linking and laughing.

Compliments on the carnival are welcome in the comments.

Suggestions for making the Carnival better and recommendations for where to stick/shove/[bleep] the Carnival are welcome at spacemonkey.you.suck@gmail.com.

Next week’s Carnival of Comedy will be here again. Yay!

Questions on joining are answered here.

New Form Of US Government

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Today, with the so-called filibuster ‘compromise’, a new form of goverment is being ushered in. A form of government characterized by the majority party caving in to the whim of the minority party.
The mighty bowing to the will of the weak.
The many telling the few “We’ve got you outnumbered and surrounded… we’re coming out with our hands up.’
The lion telling the mouse ‘I’ve got an ouchie, you win.’
This hopefully shortlived age when those in the majority will kowtow to those in the minority will no doubt be known as the Age of the American Idiocracy.
One shudders in fear at what will transpire next in the Age of the Idiocrat.
Will Kerry be allowed to use the oval office while Bush fetches him a half-caf double mocha soy latte?
Only time will tell, if the Democrats allow it to that is.

Uthe the Fourth! Carnival of Comedy (Week 4)

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Hah! You thought I was going to go on
and on
and on
and on
about Star Wars again didn’t you? I’m not.

That well is, while maybe not gone dry, definitely starting to get a little muddy.

Or maybe you thought I was going to use ‘th”s instead of ‘s”s. Well maybe I did but just in the title.

So since it’s late, I’ll skip the usual spacemonkey blather. There is your 4th Carnival of Comedy. Now fortified with small bitesize spacemonkey nuggets!

A Top 10 List usually has, well, 10 items. This one has, um, well, less.

Chaika at Chaikaroma presents Top 10 inappropriate Marley Lyrics to recite in bed

Ever suspect your weather man is an idiot? Hatless has no such suspicions. He knows.

Hatless in Hattiesburg at Hatless in Hattiesburg presents weather report

I think the title is funny all by itself. But there’s more. A post even.

a4g at Point Five presents Huffington Post to Become HR Puffington Post

He’s definitely onto something there.

Citizen Grim at Right Hand of God presents “Fortress America” or “How to Effectively Seal Our Borders”

I can’t believe it’s not people!

Dana at Northshore Politics presents For those times that you absolutely crave humans

I always thought Sen. Boxer was more than a little off, the Therapist demonstrates how far off.

The Therapist at The Therapist presents Senator Boxer Decries “Abuses At Abby Grub”

Kim delivers what a folk was looking for.

Kim at Ramble Strip presents A Cute Thuggish Poem, by Request

Jackson legal loophole discovered.

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents Chimps & Drugs & Rock ‘n’ Roll

Anybody else notice the irony of the blog name and the post’s subject matter?

Doc, belts a few, shows of his stuff and it’s, um, not appreciated. It’s also not what you think.

Doc Rampage at Doc Rampage presents loss of innocence

Jim plays role of celebrity futurist.

Jim McCarthy at Letter From California presents We Won’t Always Have Paris

DHM’s kids give her lip on a road trip.

DeputyHeadmistress at The Common Room presents I Love My Family

Patriot Xeno, thinker.

Patriot Xeno at Right Hand of God presents Thoughts That Went Through My Head When I Saw That Good Looking Girl Wearing a Sweatshirt of My Alma Mater in the Parking Lot at Work

The sequel to Korangate is looking porktastic!

Robert at Site AyntRyte presents AyntNews Alert

Runaway Bride – Runaway Libido

Pete at The Chapin Nation presents Gratuitously Salacious Post About Jennifer Wilbanks. [grexual content]

Senator Walters has figured out how to run a restaurant on a low ad budget. Looks like the legal bills will, well you’ll see.

Senator Walters at The Stall Street Journal presents The Restaurant Roughly Around the Center of the Universe.

Self descriptive. Really.

jimmyb at The Conservative UAW Guy presents The Conservative UAW Guy disagrees with Ann Coulter!!

Kyle, social scientist of moving metal rooms.

Kyle at Welshmnky presents Elevator Etiquette

I didn’t count the words. 100 is a big number!

Elisson at Blog d’Elisson presents The Designer: A 100-Word Story

Frank J says “Hear it’s going to be another big hurricane season, so here is my old guide to hurricanes.”

Frank J. at IMAO presents Know Thy Enemy: Hurricanes

Rob B. at File it Under presents Stiffy Sack Strengthens Shaft Shape Sustaining Sexual Stimulation [PG-13 by Rob’s own admission]

Disclaimer: no Fish were harmed in the creation of this post. Nor were any apparently involved for that matter.

The Man at GOP and the City presents Gone Fishing With Karl Rove

I blame newsweek for the atrocity reported here.

David at third world county presents Secret Agent… man?

This probably applies to any scientfic conference.

Orac at Respectful Insolence presents A field guide to biomedical meeting creatures, part 1: Any questions?[Cursing – once]

With A [Censored] here.

GEBIV at There’s One, Only! presents Filthy Lie: Evil Glenn’s Farm

Twist their arm, did you?

Pluto’s Dad at Eyes On The Ball News presents Fine! We’ll Use the Word “Retract”! Happy Now?

Blogging tips for people who need really distructive advice..

Paul at soapgun presents Blogging Tips – The Real Deal

Really simple blogging advice.

Spacemonkey (your host) at The Flying Space Monkey Chrionicles presents Blogging Advice

Know the truth about Fireworks and fight the ignorance being spread by the pansy main stream media.

Bozark Manchew at Fireworks Rule presents The Attack On So-Called “Illeeegal” Fireworks Begins!

Just make sure they get your good side, assuming you have one. Full Motion Audio!

Uncle Jimbo at Military Matters- Uncle Jimbo presents The Secret Pictures of You (SPY) coalition

Written, apparently, especially for the Carnival of Comedy, a tribute/ripoff of IMW. Thief!

Damian G. at Conservathink presents The Carnival of Comedy: Good times inspired by IMAO’s In My World

Don’t stop at the vader/bush pic, keep scrolling!

Will Franklin at WILLisms.com presents Darth W. Bush, Neocon?

Not Herbie but apparently still a love bug. The evidence speaks for itself . . . .

J at TAotB at The Art of the Blog presents I’m In the Mood for Loooove

and also NewsWeak’s Other Blunders

Apparently working on the highway can really stink.

Tommy at Striving for Average presents MMMMM Road Kill [language]

Gwaypes pwobably tastes bettew than woadkill.

Lana at live from the guillotine presents Got Any Gwaypes?

That’s it. Lotsa good funny this time.

Want to be in the next Comedy of Carnival? Why would you want to? This is the Carnival of Comedy. An entirely different ordering of the words ‘of’ ‘carnival’ and ‘comedy’. I don’t even know what a comedy of carnival is. Sounds silly.

Go to the Carnival of Comedy FAQ page for more info on being part of the upcoming Carnival of COMEDY.

Humor Delayed is Humor Denied

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Top 10 Excuses the IMAO Carnival of Comedy will not be posted today.
10. Democratic filibustering in the Senate prevented an up or down posting.
9. Since Newsweak originally fact checked it, I had to have it all re-re-re-checked. Ended up just flushing it.
8. I had to be taped back together to repair Carnival related side-splittage.
7. I spent night in jail after threatening to Force choke the guy at the tiicket window who told me they were ‘sold out’ for the midnight showing of Episode III.
6. Out all night looking for my puppy only to find it was the vicitim of a drive by blending.
5. Was too devastated that Vonzell got sent home last night on AI.
4. Taken hostage by mimes, who in turn were unable to communicate their demands to the authorities, an hours long empasse ensued.
3. Holding “Laugh Out” and no Carnival of Comedy will be posted until Kerry signs his 180.
2. I was Visciously Attacked by Linda Ronstadt when she discovered I am a Christian, a Republican and not an actual monkey.
And the number one excuse the IMAO Carnival of Comedy will not be posted today.
1. My dog deleted it.
The Carnival of Comedy is not ready yet, I apologize for the delay.
I fell asleep last night when I was working on it and haven’t yet been able for redo what I lost when my laptop battery died during my peaceful, albeit unscheduled slumber.
Remember kids, saving your work frequently means never having to say your sorry. Well maybe not never, but it works in this case.
I could have redone it today at work, but I had to, how to put a fine point on this, work.
Again, I am sorry but I will have it posted first thing in the A.M.

Carnival of Comedy Submissions Are Due

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It’s almost Carnival of Comedy time again.
No!
Yes!
No, really?!
Yes, really!
Wow, it’s like we live in some sort of magical fantasy world where a bunch of funny arrives every Thurdsay
I KNOW! I can just barely believe it either.
Well, the simple fact that it wasn’t reported on CBS or in Newsweek makes it more believable.
Can’t argue with that.
Click here to help spread the funny.
Yes enter!
Won’t you do what the nice voice says? I always do.

Pure Dagnasty Evil

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I know the Force has been running though several of us here at IMAO like spicy Mexican food lately.
And I know I’ve linked to it before.
But if, on the off chance, you have’t seen it yet AND since it got mentioned in the MSM the other day, I thought I’d run a rerun of the Ultimate Star Wars Prequel Parody Trailer.
Now, with multiple size formats for those of you with slow/junk computers, you know who I’m talking to.
It is high-larious, in a dagnasty kind of way.