Archive of entries posted by spacemonkey

Walmart: We think less.

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Walmart seems to be taking cues from the Democratic underground playbook which actually has only one play by the way, namely calling people NAZI’s if they don’t like them.
For those to lazy to read the article. Walmart makes an ad saying lawmakers are acting like NAZI bookburners for attempting to change the zoning laws.
A few people got, shall we say, a little upset. Now Walmart says they plan to apologise.
Its a good thing they didn’t jump right out and apologise, because the last thing they need to do now is act a manner that some might consider brash or hasty.
Telling is the last line, a quote from a consultant who was responsible for creating the ad.

“People make mistakes. They move on,” he said.

The ‘.org’ is silent I guess.

Episode III: Revenge Carnival of the Sith Comedy

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Welcome to Episode III of the Carnival of Comedy.
The carnival this week is very powerful in the Funny. It could well be the ‘chosen one’ who’ll bring balance to the Funny as foretold in prophecy by the little muppety green guy with the big muppety green ears. Talked funny. Yo-Yo, I think it was. Yoga, Yogi, Yodel, Yosoyamericano. Something.
Seems like a good idea to have a pic relative to the theme. So here’s an eery looking close up of Annie ‘big daddy’ Cane Skywalker looking like he’s about to go completely apesith.
Yellow
As is well known, yellow eyes are a symptom of liver problems. Could Anakin Skywalker actually have been an alcoholic and could his turn to the dark side merely have been a 20 year-long telekinesis-enhanced bender? Could DV have been helped by AA? Maybe so. Perhaps he’s related to Data. We’ll find out all in good time.
Personally, I think his being saddled with the nickname ‘Annie’ finally got to him. After he became an orphan things probably only went from bad to worse. The fact he was raised on Tatooine, a very sandy world. [ackkkk>]…[aaaackkkk]. Ok enough funmaking with the girlie name. Those Force chokes sure are a pain in the neck!
Also dropping with the Star Wars references as best I can now so we can move on to the well, you know. Thing.
As you read it, the Funny will be with you. Always.
jimmyb at The Conservative UAW Guy presents Whole State of Florida Killed Today
Hatless in Hattiesburg at Hatless in Hattiesburg presents Sympathy for the Green Bean
David Burge at Iowahawk presents My United States [language]
John at Locusts & Honey presents Wycliffe Bible Translation Project: Smurf
D. Vader at The Darth Side presents Parenting 101
Ironman at Political Calculations presents The Classic Cow Model
ManiaC Provost at Ether Mind presents The Aventures of Johnny American… Johnny Come Lately
Frank at varifrank presents Countdown: 15 things to think about Before Star Wars III
Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face presents Chlamydia Outbreak At Zoo Kills Penguins, Paris Hilton Wanted For Questioning
Doc Rampage at Doc Rampage presents my day in crunchy underwear
Kid Various at The Idiom presents With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility
a4g at Point Five presents Laura To World Leaders, ‘Give me back my Bushy’
Kevin at The Loudest Cricket presents Time Travel
Elyas Bakhtiari at Ablogistan presents The Torture Debate
Kim at Ramble Strip presents Places that molasses should not be made, ever.
Paul at soapgun presents Famous Director Exposed as Unmanly
jimmyb at The Conservative UAW Guy presents Lunch Musings – Peter Jennings
Laurence Simon at This Blog Is Full Of Crap presents Let’s ask the cats about the Huffington Post! [Language, for real]
Senator Walters at The Stall Street Journal presents Will Work for Money
phin at phin’s blog presents The winds of change
J. Fielek at Quibbles-n-Bits presents Why I’d never make it as a Jedi Knight….
Bruce the Human Pet at Conservative Cat presents Dating
Bill C at Brain Droppings presents A Brain Droppings Exclusive: Ridley Scott’s next projects
BEULAH MAE!!!! at My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy presents Reparations
Editor at Editors in Pajamas presents Cutest baby, uh, ever?
Spencer at Egodaily.com presents Blogger Press Corps [Language]
John Hatch at Ideas Hatched presents Full Bodied Charmer
Bozark Manchew at Fireworks Rule presents Ask Arson Man
TTN at Threading the Needle presents A Little Inside (Blog-)Baseball [Language]
Citizen Grim at Right Hand of God presents A Haiku about eating at a KFC in the ghetto
The Man at GOP and the City presents Anti-Shrubbery Exclusive
Mr. Scriblerus at The Idiom presents This Is Art? – Redux
Patriot Xeno at Right Hand of God presents What are the next steps that America should take in dealing with Iran? A Precision Guided Humor Assignment
Pete at The Chapin Nation presents Travelling Just Got a Whole Lot Easier.
Turbostud at Misogy-Pundit presents Women and Politics [Language]
Brian J. at Musings from Brian J. Noggle presents All the News I Can Imagine (I)
Elisson at Blog d’Elisson presents Useless Endeavors
Frank J of IMAO presents A Frank Guide to a Cordial Political Discussion
That’s the end of the Carnival. Thanks to all for clicking, linking and/or submitting.
Remember,
Sometimes the menace is a phantom.
Sometimes clones, they attack.
Sometimes Sith do revenge ’em,
Sometimes Empires strike back
But when a new hope is found,
The Jedi will return.
Tye-ins will abound.
StarWars:TV gets it’s turn.
Not the Carnival of Comedy, next time it’ll still be here on IMAO. See you all Thursday for the next one and at the theatre for the last one.

Spacemonkey Perspective: Imus, Blogs, and Losers

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So what if Imus says bloggers and those who read blogs are losers. If he did say that, well, he’s probably about half right.
My perspective on this is as follows.
I won’t argue that bloggers aren’t losers. I do own a mirror. And even the cool bloggers are still a bit geeky. I won’t name any names.
But blog readers are of a different sort. They don’t deserve this ‘loser’ status. Blog readers have an educational requirement that radio listeners simply don’t have. You see, since they are blog readers, by definition, they have to, y’know, know how to read. Radio listeners only need one functioning ear and access to a functioning radio.
To call blog readers losers is, simply put, to do them a grave injustice or more simply put as a radio listener might say, ‘mean, bad, me smash’.
So, if a radio listener calls you a loser because Mr. Imus said so, have them read this blog post or if necessary, read it to them.

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00000101 00000101 00000101 Carnival Of Comedy (Week 2)

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Welcome to the 00000101 00000101 00000101 Edition of the Carnival of Comedy!
I know, I know it’s the second week and maybe I COULD have named it the 2nd Carnival of Comedy but the other carnivals are all way up there on their numbers. Since there’s really no set rules ( I checked) to what number you have to put on a carnival. So I figure why not put a message in binary? Binary things are collections of 2 things, commonly called pairs of things, a couple. It may actually be twice as funny as last week.
The Carnival of Comedy this week, I think, has something for everyone whether you’re a fan of off-the-wall cheap-production math rock or not. I know I am.
I’d like to think I did a somewhat decent job reviewing the entries for content. But let me know in the comments if I missed something that should be warned about. Be sure to leave the funnymakers some comments on their blogs too, if you likey their funny.
With no further ado about nothing, here’s the 00000101 00000101 00000101 Edition of the Carnival of Comedy. A Carnival so nice, Something Something (that’s twice).
ProfShade at ProfShade presents a comedy cut-away diagram of the A380 titled European A380 Airbus Lifts Off
Kyle Dunham at Guns and Glory sits down for a one-on-one dinner date with Michael Moore before the release of F9/11. His (assuming the name Kyle indicates a male individual) account of said dinner date is entitled “Dinner Date With Michael Moore”
J. Fielek at Quibbles-n-Bits says “The King has come! And you can get fries with that!” as he presents The King Has Come
bob at 667 tells how Ed gets a motocycle and in the process discovers Varied and sundry uses for Vaseline [L, S]
Grant Reichert at Creative Destruction presents an idea to make the new Pope more Pope-ular in “New pope can appease reformists by supporting complicated food ”
EquusChick at The Common Room gets a new skirt and has an adventure totally unrelated to aforementioned new skirt. EquusChick presents Going to the City, Or Why You Shouldn’t
Matt offers a post by Justin at A Beard Neglected titled “On Balding”
Did you miss “The Apprentice” when the “job applicants” had the task of “designing” office supply products? Ironman at Political Calculations watches this reality show so you don’t have to! After he did he wrote some stuff so he could give us ‘Designing “The Apprentice”‘
Dana at Northshore Politics presents a sports related post called “This would never happen in New Orleans”
Two Dogs at Mean Ol’ Meany is reading and responding to SPAM and that’s why he (Two Dogs is his native american name, Not two actual dogs) presents BIG-TIME Part II, Oh Yeah, I’m Loaded Now!
Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face has a list of Bush’s Top 9 Ted Kennedy Nicknames [L]
Laurence Simon at IFOC News presents a game you play at home or the ballpark, Roger Clemens Bingo
Uncle Jimbo at Military Matters- Uncle Jimbo presents Most enjoyable brawls I have watched
jimmyb at The Conservative UAW Guy presents his take on Castle Doctrine “Whole State of Florida Killed Today”
Chess Hazlett at chessandlena.comsays “A flat tire, a fast thinker, and the Mysteries of Science… and a legend is born.” when describing Cincinnati Air
Prof. Stephen Hawking at Point Five presents On the Appreciation of Human Beauty [L]
Dan Lovejoy at Dan & Angi have something to say presents But I just want the pizza
Pluto’s Dad at Eyes On The Ball News presents FBI Cracks Down On Octagenarians And about time too, I might add.
Jim McCarthy at Letter From California presents [Bleep], No, We Won’t…What was it Again?
Kid Various at The Idiom pokes fun at a hunger striker in Fish…Barrel…BANG!
Citizen Grim at Right Hand of God presents Michael Moore’s Favorite Red State
David at third world county presents What a deplorable little… meme
Tom McMahon at 4-Block World presents Left Vs Right and at Tom McMahon presents The Movie Jaws On Different TV Channels
Bozark Manchew at Fireworks Rule! presents Finally! Out of Jail!
Sam Johnson at I am abused mentally by my colon presents You Got The Dog Pregnant
James Wigderson at Wigderson Library & Pub presents Mom’s Day and Dante’s Inferno
Jeff Miller at The Curt Jester presents Self Defense for Bureaucrats
Ferdinand T. Cat at Conservative Cat presents Bias
Lana at live from the guillotine presents Mawage and gets bonus points for the ‘Princess Bride’ reference.
Unknown Blogger Frank J. at IMAO presents his luckily incorrect prediction as to what he would post May 3rd, 2005 – In My Possible Future World: The Howard Dean Presidency Shudder
Patriot Xeno at Right Hand of God presents A List of Things the Good Looking Girl Working in the Bank Downstairs is Probably Not Saying to Her Coworkers About Me
John Hatch at Ideas Hatched presents Clinton Takes on Obesity
The Man at GOP and the City presents Macho Macho Man Caption Contest
Gus Van Horn at Gus Van Horn presents Chinese Leader Accepts Olive Branch
Pete at The Chapin Nation presents a tragic account of what happens when the “U.S. Mint Sells Out.”
Lee Zanello at See The Donkey says he had a band, yada yada yada and then tells us “funny stuff is in the music downloads at the bottom of the page.” as he presents The Comedic Wunderband: Yodacock [couldn’t preview all the songs but he ones I did were clean-ish]
The Babaganoosh at The Baba Gannouj gives us ten quick facts about something called the “Committee on Committees”. He calls it “Again With The Bureaucracy”
Spacemonkey, your host, enters some foolishness about Coca Cola Zero – The Binary Cola
Thanks for submitting funny, reading funny, linking funny, commenting funny or just plain looking funny. Thanks for whatever role you played in this 00000101 00000101 00000101 Edition of the Carnival of Comedy!
Want to enter next week’s Carnival Of Comedy? Go here. Take part in the roundup.

Carnival of Comedy Submissions Due

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Carnival of Comedy submissions are due today tonight. Be sure to use Conservative Cat’s carnival submission page, it’s way cool, for a cat, who’s conversative as well as conservative.
Keep those submissions coming kids! Who says we couldn’t top last week’s First! Carnival of Comedy ? (actually somebody did say it. They’ve been dealt with.)
We are a scant few submissions away from topping the number we had last week. And there is some high quality funny here too folks. So strap your sides in tight it’s gonna be a funny ride.

Time Traveler Convention

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time machine for rent, rates are by the hour.I have a couple of small beefs with the time traveler convention that some crazy kids at M.I.T. are cooking up. The ‘M’ as I understand it, stands for Massachusetts. But that’s not my beef.
A little info about the convention. They are having the one and only time traveler convention because

Time travelers from all eras could meet at a specific place at a specific time, and they could make as many repeat visits as they wanted.

Beef Number 1: Why would real time travelers bother coming to an event to meet with people from our era that don’t have time travel? “Whoa, so you guys don’t have time travel? What’s that like?” Wouldn’t seeing the great battles of history, documenting the real story of the JFK assasination, witnessing the life of Jesus or trading stocks with foreknowledge of market fluxuations be a more interesting/lucrative use of the time travel mechanism?
I certainly think so. Then again I guess even those things would get old and stale if time travel were possible, so a boring convention with the temporal displacement challenged from our era would seem exciting. So would watching carpet rot in accelerated time I guess.

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Postponed?

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The news reports are saying the runaway bride is quoted as saying her wedding is not canceled, rather the wedding is postponed.
When her fiance was told this he responded in which way?
A. “Well, we obviously need to sort some things out.”
B. “This whole thing is sort of my fault. The other day I asked her ‘do you want to forget all this big wedding mess and just run off?’, I forgot to add ‘together’ and I guess this is what happens when you assume.”
C. “Postponed? POSTPONED?, Yeah postponed, until pigs fly, out of my butt, over a frozen Hell.”

Upcoming Carnival Of Comedy

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Seems like all I’ve been doing here lately is yabbing on about the Carnival. So why stop now?
The First! Carnival of Comedy was by several accounts an unequivacable success. And entries are already pouring in for the next one, which will also be hosted here at IMAO on 5/5/2005.
So, got some funny? Yes? Send it in today, details of how to do that can be found here.

The First! Carnival of Comedy

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First!
That’s right, first.
Welcome, one and all to the……
first,
the prime,
the initial,
the primordial,
the instigational,
the premier,
the maiden,
the earliest,
the original,
the pioneer,
the primary,
the beginning,
the inaugural,
Carnival of Comedy.
Don’t all those synonyms for ‘first’ line up look a lot like the numeral one? Well, who cares what you think? I think they do and I am your host, spacemonkey.
This carnival of comedy is going to be more fun than a barrel full of… submissions. You thought I was going to say more fun than a barrel full of monkeys, didn’t you? Admit it, you did. Well, hah! I’m proud to say I resisted the urge.
What? I said it anyway? Well, crap. I told myself and TOLD myself I wasn’t going to bring up monkeys. Frank J. hates them (monkeys) so. Then what do I do? I bring up monkeys. Great.
Man.
But I can’t let my failures as host stop me. I must move on, there’s a Carnival of Comedy to start.
Speaking of submissions (remember? I was talking about the submissions a while back, before I got on the monkey bent) we do have a barrelful. Not a literal barrel, of course. As that would just be silly. I suppose I could print them out, I guess and they might fill a notebook. But saying a notebook-full of submissions isn’t as nearly as funny as a barrel full of, not monkeys, but submissions. Is it? I don’t think so.
A notebook-full of monkeys might actually be funnier than both of the other sayings, but it would be inaccurate seeing as I have Carnival of Comedy submissions and not, in fact, monkeys. I always strive for accuracy. That was why I admitted to not actually having a barrel.
We do have a record number of submissions for a Carnival of Comedy on IMAO if memory serves and it being the first one and all. You’ll have to count them though, the number gets so high I have to take my shoes off to count them and I’m not allowed to do that at work any more. For a few reasons that I won’t go into here.
That said, the number of submissions is, like, WAAAAY more than 10 as you can see for yourself. Unless, of couse, you are a total moron, then I suppose you’ll just have to take my word for it. Even I can tell its more than 10. I wouldn’t need to take my shoes off otherwise.
Of course, I don’t think there are any total morons who read this site regularly. But it is a special day after all and there might be some who were brought in by bus for the occasion.
As hoped, the submissions range all over the comedy spectrum from funny pictures to essays to lists to howtos, there’s even an ebay auction.
Enough lead in I suppose so lets all take our shoes off (if we are allowed), kick back, put the drinks away and on the count of one, start the carnival.
All Ready? All together.

Continue reading ‘The First! Carnival of Comedy’ »

Announcement Coming Up

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An announcement is coming up.
Is it a big announcement? Well, big enough to merit a pre-announcement announcement. So THAT should tell you something.
We’ll be announcing it soon. But untill then…the shroud of darkness will continue to distort your perceptions.
And no, it’s not what you’re thinking. And it’s not the other thing you are thinking either. The thing you started thinking after I told you it wasn’t the first OR the second? The third thing.
That’s it! You got it! How’d you know? Amazing! …Nahhh spacemonkey’s just kidding. It’s not that either.
It’s the thing you’re NOT thinking. Ok? All clear?
Spacemonkey hates to leave you with nothing to do while you’re waiting for the announcement, almost as much as he hates speaking of himself in the third person. Sooooo, you could always click our patron ads, buy some wonderful IMAO t-shirts, leave some witty comments, get a sandwich, get spacemonkey a sandwich, easy on the mayo, heavy on the bacon.
Y’know stuff you were going to do anyway. The announcement is coming up soon though!
/pre-announcement announcement