It has been known for years that Mars, the planet not the candy bar, has carbon dioxide in its atmosphere.
Now there is evidence that methane also exists in the martian atmosphere.
As any good little tree hugger will tell you about carbon dioxide and methane,’THOSE ARE GREEN HOUSE GASES!’ The all caps simulate the pain caused by being crushed by a bulldozer or logging machine.
I want to be the first to say we must act to order to SAVE MARS NOW. Those green house gases must be reduced. Else all the coastal cities on Mars could be flooded with frozen seawater caused by colliding meltingglaciertsunamicaines.
SAVE MARS NOW! The danger is real. All liberals, heed the call and tie yourselves to a rocket today so we can SAVE MARS NOW!
It doesn’t have to be a rocket on the way to Mars either. Because we can meet up in orbit at the International House of Planetsavers and all carpool aboard a Mars-bound rocket, so we can all SAVE MARS NOW!
SAVE MARS NOW, because if we wait till the day after tomorrow IT MAY BE TOO LATE!
SAVE MARS NOW!
Archive of entries posted by spacemonkey
Know Thy Friend: Dodecahedrons
As you know, unless you are a non-IMAO reading anti-American liberal or are dead, dodecahedrons are the newly mandated shape o fthe blog-ful-ish environment. But what are dodecahedrons?
To shed more light on dodecahedrons, here are some interesting insightful info-blips about dodecahedrons. Because all knowledge is good.
Bad Rx
Have you noticed lately there’s been a lot of problems with drugs? Recalls, warnings, handwringing, livers and hearts exploding, etc.
Problems with and/or recalls regarding Vioxx, Celebrex, Bextra, and now Zyprexa have been all over the news. Lawsuits regarding these are popping up all over the Free World, plus France and Canada!
What’s going on here? I decided to find out. After about 20 minutes of examination of the issue, followed by a rather unpleasant evening experimenting, I think I’ve figured out what’s going on.
Look at the names, VioXX, CelebreX, BeXtra, ZypreXa. See the pattern?? It’s the ‘X’!
No, I’m not saying they are putting ecstasy in these medications but that would be bad, also. But neither am I saying they aren’t putting ecstasy in them either. I’m no biopharmachemologist or whatever the the term is for the egghead that would know things like that. But you can’t help but notice the drugs that are turning up bad have turned out to all have ‘X’ in the name.
It’s just a fact. To test my theory, I decided it would be a good idea to experiment with something called “Ex-Lax”. A medication which has two, count them, two ‘X’s in the name. The product labelling said it was for ‘relief of occasional irregularity’. Since I’ve been told occassionaly by friends, family and the frequent total stranger that I am irregular, it seemed like the perfect product to try.
But does it relieve irregularity? Does it? Does it? NOOOOO. I’ll tell you what it does, it gives you a bad case of the freakin’ RUNS! That what it does. RUNS! And relief? Brother, you won’t be, NOT relieved by ANY stretch of the imagination. It is the exact and total 180 degree opposite of any sort of relief. For your information.
Well, to spare you any more disgusting details and to make a long story short, let me give my recommendation. Which is as follows.
Every prescription, over the counter, or under the counter medication with an ‘X’ in the name needs to be banned, now and forever. Furthermore any supplies of those drugs that exist need to be gathered up and burned before the sun goes down tonight. Even furthermore any new drug with X-names needs to be cancelled or, in the very least, renamed.
Also packaging with a more literal definition of irregularity would be appreciated.
This has been a PSA by spacemonkey.
A Balanced Look At… Taxes
Tax time is approaching us again and that means its time to see what the different sides have to say about the popular topic of taxes. Not that taxes are all that popular with everyone. Here they are, Left, Right and Off.
Q&A Session About Taxes
Why is the federal income tax system necessary?
Left Side – Did you not see ‘the Day After Tomorrow?’ Income taxes keep the world from simultaneously freezing solid, flooding and burning to a crisp. Also they keep the poor fed and keep the rich from getting too rich. Think of them as Robin Hood, without any religious undertones or projectile weapons.
Right Side – While revenue raising is necessary, the Internal Revenue Service is not.
Off Side (me)- The federal government made do without an Income Tax for well over a hundred years, why not again?
Fun Trivia
What happened to the wonderfully funny spacemonkey that use to post wonderfully funny stuff here?
Prince Rainier
Monaco’s Prince Rainier has died, I think we should do something great for him.
We could, I don’t know, name a mountain after him or something.
Also,
Prince Albert was at his father’s side when he died, Reuters news agency reported.
And not in the can as previously thought.
A Balanced Discussion About Social Security
Here we’ll take a balanced look at social security with all sides weighing in on the matter.
Social Security Question and Answer Session
What is wrong with Social Security?
Left Side – Nothing. Ok well, we’ll tweak it a little. Really the only thing that would improve it is putting it in the U.S. Constitution or the U.N. Charter.
Right Side – A whole freakin’ lot. In fact, just short of everything. We don’t even really like the name all that much.
Off Side (me) – Everything. Well, it’s my money, why can’t I freaking keep it/lose it/buy a Play Station Portable with it or groceries or plastic yard bunnies or whatever? But NOOOOOO, instead I have to take it out of every single freakin’ paycheck and put it into an account I’ll probably never see a red cent of unless we start euthanizing more inconvenient people pretty soon.
When will Social Security run out of money if nothing is changed?
Left Side – Never, if money ever gets low, we’ll just institute a tax on Bibles, Bible reading and any other Bible related activilties, up to and including thumping.
Righ Side – 2017 or 2041 depending on what you mean by run out.
Off Side – 1954, Right now it takes on average 3 people’s pay in to match 1 person’s payout. At 3:1 it sounds like it’s already out of money to me.
Who will use personal accounts?
Left Side – Everyone will be forced to. Your money will be taken from you by jack booted thugs at gun point. We don’t have a problem with this in principle since that’s how we’d like to see taxes taken. Our real concern is that it will then all be given to evil rich Republicans. Oh and the dead will all have to be dug up to see if they were buried with loose change in their pockets. The dead people change will also given to the evil rich Republicans for them to spend on having their gold-plated everything turned into platinum-plated everythings.
Right Side – Only those who desire to participate will. Those who chose not to participate can keep their account the way it is. People over 50 will not have the option.
Off Side – Only the people who brought me really cool presents for my 13th birthday will be allowed to participate. This is the 22nd year I’ve continued to accept these presents. Hint: I like things with the initials PSP. Oh and that blogger Phil. he can use them too.
Describe Social Security in 25 words or less.
Left Side – A great big ol’ warm bear hug from our nanny, the government. Good for us who are too dumb/lazy to plan for our own retirement. [long sigh]
Right Side – Social Security, an idea whose time has come and GONE. Social? I dunno,maybe. Secure? HAH! HAH! HAHHHAHHAHHAHA HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAH!. HAHAHAHHAHAHH! [deep breath] AHAHAHAHA HAHHHAHAH! [COUGH] HAH!
Off Side – I say its time to pull the feeding tube and let it die a dignified painless death. And somebody please get the ‘Right Side’ guy some water, he’s turning red.
Thanks for tuning in.
Somebody Once Said
Somebody once commented on a post I once wrote on a weekend. The comment sort of stuck in my head.
Update?
And sacrifice brilliant writing on the pagan altar of the weekend readership trough?
Heaven forfend.
Like I say somebody said that, but I forget Harvey’s, I mean, his name.
Well, this particular pagan altar of weekend traffic has boo-koo-dles of readers. More readers in fact, more than than 3-4 thousand more readers than most blogs get on their hottest traffic times (during the work week, if there are simple doofusses out there reading this who don’t know what hot traffic times are (oh and work week means Monday thru Friday, if there are any lazy hippies out there reading this (can you put parantheticals inside parentheticals? (I guess so)))).
So, I figure, why NOT post on the weekend? at least I’m not claiming this is brilliant. Weekends don’t have to be weak-ends. Sorry that was a really bad pun.
Or should I just not draw more attention to the fact that the others here don’t post on the weekend?
Starving Songs
I often hear about songs to listen to while studying or driving. So I came up with some song lists related to starving.
Songs to listen to while starving your wife.
- I used to love her, but I had to kill her. (she got so inconvenient and after all I want to be the husband to the mother of my kids) – by Gun N Roses
- Hungry like the wolf. – by Duran Duran
- Stop (feeding her) in the name of love. – by the Supremes, the three women not the Stupid Court
- Live and let (slowly) die. – by Wings
Songs to listen to while your adulterous husband is starving you.
- Eat it. – by Weird Al Yankovich
- She’s got you. (and hey, she’s got your kids too) – by some country singer
- You don’t own me. (but you can still kill me) – by…I forget, but they sang it on ‘the First Wives’s Club’
Of course I’m sure there are more. So why not tell me in the comments?
Top Ten List Of Really Hard To Write Top 10 Lists
Sometimes top ten lists practically write themselves. Others are a lot harder. Some, well, forget it. With that in mind, I give you the..
Top Ten List Of Really Hard To Write Top 10 Lists.
10. Top 10 List Of Food Items Michael Moore Has Not Eaten At Least 12 Of At A Single Sitting…Today
9. Top 10 List Of Elements Of Any Christian Holiday That The ACLU Has Not Sued Someone About
8. Top 10 List Of Elements Of Any Non-Christian Holiday That The ACLU Has Sued ANYONE About
7. Top 10 Longest Times Ted Kennedy Has Been Sober (There’s only one)
6. The Top 10 Comic Strips Drawn by Ted Rall That Were Either Artistic OR Funny (Not Just To His Mom)
5. Top 10 List Of People Who’ve Ever Paid Back Every Cent They Borrowed From You
4. Top 10 List Of Bathroom Floors You’d Ever Apply The “Three Second Rule” To
3. Top 10 List Of Sharp, Knife-Like Items That Are Fun To Gouge Really, Really Deeply Into Your Eye (Either One)
2. Top 10 List Of Admirable Things About Oliver Willis, KOS , and Atrios (combined)
and the Number One Really Hard To Write Top 10 List…
1. Top 10 List Of People Who’d Rather Read A Top 10 List About Top 10 Lists Than Eat Freshly Baked Pie. Mmmmmm Pie.
Alias-Meets-Scooby Doo-Meets-The Matrix
When you see a headline like “Spies infiltrate zombie computer networks“, and its not on a tabloid at the grocery store, you just need to tell people about it.
So I did.
Geeky Goodness
In case you, like me, didn’t TIVO the OC the other night, here’s the Star Wars Ep. III Trailer.
Click here to feel the power of the dark side of force.
I loved it when Anakin kicked Obi Wan and said “and THAT’s how we do it in the OC.”
Update: Somebody with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands documented the trailer frame-by-frame.
Update: Odiwan (you think he likes Star Wars?) sent me this Ep III Trailer Spoof. Heh.
Annan Calls Terrorism “Naughty, Naughty, Naughty”
Today, U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, in his most condemning tone to date, has denounced terrorism as ‘naughty, naughty, naughty.’
“Terrorists are very bad boys and girls and anyone who engages in acts of terrorism are naughty, naughty, naughty. They should be put in time out and their toys should all be taken away. They should be sent to their rooms without any supper until they learn how to play nice. If this harsh scolding doesn’t put and end to global terrorism, then we’ll ask them how they’d like having their phone and car priviledges revoked!”
Secretary-General Annan also assured the terrorists he was only laying down some ground rules. Also that there wouldn’t be any sort of real punishment without a few more warnings, some written, some verbal, some performed by classically trained mimes. He further stated any punishment, when approved by Aunt Frenchie, Uncle Jerry and their third cousin Russ, would “hurt me, more than it does you, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”
This Fake News brought to you by spacemonkey and inspired by this editoon in Cox and Forkum, who in their wisdom have now linked to IMAO. (Ain’t they smart?)