Tax time is approaching us again and that means its time to see what the different sides have to say about the popular topic of taxes. Not that taxes are all that popular with everyone. Here they are, Left, Right and Off.
Q&A Session About Taxes
Why is the federal income tax system necessary?
Left Side – Did you not see ‘the Day After Tomorrow?’ Income taxes keep the world from simultaneously freezing solid, flooding and burning to a crisp. Also they keep the poor fed and keep the rich from getting too rich. Think of them as Robin Hood, without any religious undertones or projectile weapons.
Right Side – While revenue raising is necessary, the Internal Revenue Service is not.
Off Side (me)- The federal government made do without an Income Tax for well over a hundred years, why not again?

Where does the money go?
Left Side – It goes to fund family planning, pays government employees, like all the inspectors that enforce the regulations that keep evil corporations from poisoning us all. It funds the studies that show why all our faces are melting off because we are overfishing and underrecycling. Currently it also pays for the evil, evil, bloated murderous killing machine called the U.S. military.
Right Side – Well, it pays for govenment endorsed baby killing, government employees like all the inspectors that enforce the worthless regulations that keep corporations from turning much of a profit and for keeping the military ahead of the rest of the world so we can be safe and of course all the pet pork projects, can’t forget the pork projects.
Off Side –Pork projects? I knew about the free cheese, now free pork too? Where will it all end? Sheesh. Where does it go? Down the drain,mostly. But most importantly it pays for terrorist killing, and keeping them dead because after they are good and dead they have more trouble killing us and making us dead. That and roads. But it also goes to keeping politicians fat and drunk and in ‘entertainment’. Other than that it seems to go to feed clothe and shelter people who’d rather not work, to pay for health coverage for them and as well as for health coverage for the people who cross the border to do the jobs the first set of people won’t do.
Where should the money go that its not going now?
Left Side – Well, we should kill military spending and give those taxes to the victims of Bush’s war on terror. What do we need a military for anyway? We have the U.N. to keep us safe. Our soldiers have guns and the fact of the matter is ‘Guns kill people and more importantly, animals.’
Right Side – More hand ups, less handouts. People need skills and jobs not checks to subsidize laziness.
Off Side – What’s left after having federal prisoners and the unemployed build a 30 foot tall razor-wired concrete fence along both borders should go directly into my checking account for a play station portable.
There has been discussion in some circles of eliminating the income and instituting a national sales tax. Is a national sales tax a viable alternative to the income tax?
Left Side – We shouldn’t have a sales tax for one simple fact, sales taxes – they don’t work. Sales taxes aren’t in use anywhere in the U.S. and anybody that says otherwise either isn’t paying attention or is a liar or… HALIBURTON! BUSH LIED!
Right Side – It’s being studied closely and could very well be a a workable replacement for the swollen income tax system that causes Americans so much grief.
Off Side – Ache Eee Double Hockey Sticks , YEAH!
What effect would a national sales tax have on the poor who pay no income taxes now?
Left Side – If the poor have nothing now they will have even less. It would cause them to riot in the streets and hunt down and kill Republicans. Hmm maybe the sales tax is a good idea after all. Wait, no we are usually rioting, I mean protesting peacefully, in the streets. If they saw my “[bleep] Bush” T-shirt they might think I meant it literally and in a nice way and murder/death/kill me as well. But yes they will riot, committing acts of violence and mayhem that will ultimately be the fault of the Right for supporting such a vile perversion. If you are wondering what kinds of acts of violence and mayhem they are likely to commit. Buy my book ‘Acts of Violence and Mayhem: A How To… With Pictures!”. I have a comprehensive listing.
Right Side – A positive one, under a consumer intended national sales tax everything anybody buys would end up being cheaper. Why? Because the income tax is built into the price of everything. I would show you the math but it’s really, really hard math.
Off Side – Give every adult citizen, not currently in prison, a, what’s the poverty line? $15,000? tax free card every year. This way the poor’s lives could remain the same and they could continue to siphon the life out of America in under-employed bliss as they do right now. Everybody else would get a break utill they broke through the poverty level spending ceiling. Everybody wins! Even losers!
This has been “A Balanced Look At… Taxes”
Thanks for tuning in.