Just like Peter Parker’s, ironically dead, uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility,” or something to that effect. We, like Peter/Spidey, have a responsibility to be responsible with the powerful power we’ve been empowered with so our own uncle Ben isn’t killed in a similarly ironic fashion due to our irresponsible use or lack of use of power.
There’s another saying though. I’m not sure who said it first. Probably some Greek philosopher talking as they were making him drink a poisonous beverage. And it goes, “Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely”.
Taken together, it’s easy to see the powerful have a responsibilty to be corrupt. On top of that, the already corrupt probably need to check to see if there’s some sort of power that they may already have that they may not be aware of somehow that helped them become corrupt in the first place. That would be the responsible thing to do.
So Frank J., being the humor power baron he is, has an obligation nay, dare I say a responsibilty, to use every means within his control to hawk his shirts. and sell his blogads.
That said, its obvious to me now, I’m corrupt too. Powerful? Ironically, no, just corrupt. I checked.
Update: Frank J. since you said you were thinking about a new idea for a tshirt. I had an idea for a new T-shirt and it involves well, see for yourself.

Continue reading ‘On the Use of Power’ »

Dan Rather: miss him or diss him?
Like I have to ask, but you have to hand it to him, the man could really read some copy off the ‘prompter. And reading is not something just anybody can do these days. You need at least a first grade education.
But Old Gunga Dan wasn’t bad at adlibbing either. Y’know, cause he could make up some rather (HAH! get it?) funny Ratherisms too.
Sayings like “This election’s close enough to give an aspirin a headache” come to mind from back when he was hopped up on some sort of energy drink during the 2000 election. You may remember some too.
That said, have at him in the comments. And remember if you can’t say something nice at least say something funny.
Update: Hmmm, I guess when the author gives a topic it’s really not an open thread is it? Oh well.
Update2: Fixed the ratherism. Its “give an aspirin a headache” not “make an aspirin nervous”. Sorry for the fake but accurate egregious error.

With gas prices getting higher than a hippie eating ‘special’ brownies I though it salient to come up with some way to help people out. So I came up with the…

Top Ten things that can help stretch your gasoline budget.

10) Learn astral projection. It’s just like being there with out all the actually being there.

9) Take a lesson from NASCAR and draft as much as possible. (No, Sen. Rangel, not that draft)

8) Be uphill from everywhere you want to go. So you can just coast.

7) Three things: Siphon hose, gas can and cover of night. You do the math.

6) Drive the speed limit. Speeding not only burns more gas, it can seriously get your Commie Italian rear end shot at/up.

5) Don’t drive for a week, then use the money you saved to hire a mercenary army to fight a war for oil on your behalf. I suggest Iran, lots of oil and no US Marines, yet.

4) Instead of the fine gasoline you normally use, fill up with dark, rich, sparkling Folger’s crystals and see if your car can tell the difference.

3) Instead of driving, get from place to place using roller blades and a lasso, borrow momentum from passing vehicles.

2) Get the eco-friendly utopia converter kit that the hippies use so your car will run on moonbeams, butterfly kisses, and B. O. (that’s right, now you know)

And the number one thing that can help stretch your gasoline budget….
Continue reading ‘Top Ten Things That Can Help Stretch Your Gasoline Budget.’ »

Two seemingly unrelated events yet….

Continue reading ‘Coincidence Or Conspiracy? Monkey Business In Bolivia’ »

And wuv, twue wuv. Wuv has now been westored to IMAO.

Huh you ask? Huh, indeed. The trackback linky-type love, baby! Whatever had formerly R-U-N-N-O-F-T with the trackem-up-backer is apparently fixed.

Lesser imps and demons should feel free to rebuild any post that linked here and you got some sort of crazy bifurcated ‘unable to ping IMAO because you ain’t bonified’ error.

You are now permitted to rebuild and reap any sort of whirlwind related to us going to your blog to answer those self agrandizing “Hey, what sort of ankle-biter linked me?” type questions.

Reap, Anklebiters! REAP!

Subject for the blogless to comment about: other quotes from the movies I shamelessly misquoted.

Oh and Frank J. scooped me.

American Civil Liberties Union lawyers on behalf of atheist and non-Christian Americans are petitioning the Supreme Court in a new crusade. Emboldened by their success at removing the small gold cross from the County of Los Angeles seal. The group has rallied around the notion of removing the ‘cross looking’ letter from the English language in America since it bears resemblance to the familiar Christian symbol.

Alber Whie, an ACLU counsel who legally had the letter moved from his name earlier this month and doesn’t pronounce it either, speaks on behalf of the ACLU.

The American Civil Liber-ies Union feels i- is a viola-ion of sepera-ion of church and s-a-e -o con-inue -o include Chris-ian symbols in governmen-.

Our pe-i-ion is -ha- the le–er in ques-ion be s-ricken from all public names, places, governmen- buildings, and cons-i-u-ional ins-i-u-ions and replaced wi-h -he secular non religious dashmark. In o-her words ‘Montana’ would become ‘Mon-ana’, President becomes Presiden-, ‘Texas’ will s-ill be ‘Texas’ because i- has a capi-al ‘T’ and no- -he offensive lowercase varie-y.

Whie also asked that the media stop calling this effort a “crusade”, for what he said were “obvious reasons.” He added he felt a compromise could be possible if the lower case ‘t’ were simply flipped upside down.

Fake News from spacemonkey, brought to you by the letter ‘-‘.

10. You never could throw your full support behind John Kerry once you found out his first name is found in the Bible, of all places.
9. One of the few reasons you couldn’t bring yourself to assasinate the president is you’d have to actually buy a gun.
8. Your opinions and values carry more weight than those that oppose you, because you care.
7. To save money you bought an effigy of Bush made of asbestos. You later returned it when you realized ‘the bush burned with fire, but the bush was not consumed.’ is ALSO found in the Bible.
6. You believe the death penalty should be abolished…after it’s applied to those that support it.
5. You believe that any news service that doesn’t keep ‘Bush is EV1L Incarnate’ as its lead story is undeniably linked to a Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.
4. Four years later and you are STILL protesting outside the Broward County Courthouse for Gore-Lieberman 2000.
3. You have made a sign which you carry to every protest that just says ‘NO!’. It’s written in your own blood from when you carved ‘I’m Sorry, World’ on your forehead.
2. You acknowlege the ‘Vast Right Wing Conspiracy’ exists and is inherently evil but often lose sleep at night worrying there are smaller ‘Widespread Right Wing Conspiracies’ that need to be stamped out too and aren’t getting the attention they deserve.
And the number one Indicator You May Be Left of Liberal….

Continue reading ‘Top 10 Indicators You May Be Left of Liberal’ »

Warning!!!! (Mostly) Non-Political Humor Ahead.

What will be the next way to space?

Rockets? We’re using those now so ‘next’ doesn’t exactly apply. But since I brought them up, they are too expensive and too dangerous. And they are inconvenient, you have to endure all those gut-wrenching G forces,

“Hello lunch. Its… been a while.”

Then there’s the [sigh] fire. All these years have passed and humans are still using FIRE to get to space? Fire is something you yell for fun in a crowded theater, its not for exploring the final frontier.

Space Elevator? Electric, better than fire. But listening to elevator music for over 6 hours is enough to make just about anybody completely Dean out.

“Hmmm, was that the 23rd or the 24th time I’ve heard ‘New York, New York?”

“Do I care?”

“Why do I keep asking myself questions?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ack! Now I’m answering!”

duh duh dada dada DUH – Start spreading….the news…..-

“Yeaarrrrgh!”

And everybody dies.

And can you imagine standing, waiting, watching the floor indicator for that long either? No amount of small talk can fill a 6 hour elevator ride.

“Nice weather we’re having.”

“Yeah.”

“I wonder if the weather will be nice up at the space station.”

“Umm, There’s no weather in space.”

“But what about solar flares and coronal mass ejections?”

“Listen PSYCHO, I’ve got MACE and you are FOUR hours from a drinking fountain. Back off and keep any…mass ejections… to yourself!”

And somebody dies.

People go insane having to wait like that. For many of us, in an enclosed room, insane arrives in MUCH less than six hours. So the unbuilt, scary, space elevator is out.

The next way to space and you heard it here first or possibly elsewhere, is the….

Continue reading ‘The Next Way To Space’ »

My answers to Franks questions.
1. Who the [bleep] do you think you are?
I think I are, um, am spacemonkey. Didn’t you read my nametag?

Continue reading ‘Who the [bleep] do I think I am – Spacemonkey’ »

Ted Rall takes a few cracks at right wing blogger-types and proves he is the BUTT who watches the watchdogs. Read the hole thing.

Wall Street Journal columnist John Fund reportedly used some blogger’s laptops without asking permission at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday. He apparently did this in two separate incidents to two different bloggers. Some guy and some other guy. Never once asking permission nor thanking either blogger for the use of the laptops.
You don’t just grab a blogger’s weapon of choice, fire off an email or two, walk away without a word and live to tell the tale. Not any more than you grab a marine’s rifle out his hands, pop off a few rounds and throw it down like Michael Moore dropping a freshly cleaned hambone without getting your severely thrashed [pinky toe] torn off and handed back to you. It’s just.not.done.

Continue reading ‘Keep Those MSMin’ Hands Off The Bloggin’ Laptops!’ »