In light of his birthday and his prompting I have composed a Top 10 list of almost useless GREAT things that I’ve learned about Frank J.
10. Frank J. likes to release a t-shirt on every noteworthy occasion. Case in point, the “Know Thy Enemy: Inlaws” Pocket T that he plans to wear at his wedding so he can promote it using the wedding photos.
9 Frank owns, and uses guns for defense but prefers the ‘personal touch’ of an edged or blunt weapon for making attacks on his enemies. An elegant weapon from a more civilized time or something to that effect, plus a beat down takes a longer to apply than a simple shooting.
8. Frank J. has pants legs sewn onto some of his sleeves, so he can keep a katana or a long stick concealed. He says these are not ‘in case of attack’ rather they are ‘in case I attack’.
7 Frank J. was frightened by something smelly, hairy, stupid and dirty when he was just a little ronin. He isn’t sure if it was a Frenchman, a hippy or a monkey so… he’s devoted his life to eradicating all three.
6. Frank J. loves the smell of napalm – any time of day, not just in the morning. But he says it smells like money, which smells better than victory any day of the week.
5. When Frank J. is about to attack, he gets this eerily calm look about him and then he softly utters the word ‘pancakes.’
4. Frank J. doesn’t fear change, he embraces it. In fact he does this funny little dance/song while he embraces it whenever he finds some.
3. Frank J.’s idea of supporting multicutural diversity means mercilessly beating foreigners with a stick which was grown in their home country. He always asks and if he doesn’t have the appropriate stick up his large sleeves, he’ll calmly get their contact information and put them on his ‘To Beat’ list, till he has the stick and can beat them in a proper multicuturally diverse and supportive manner.
2. Frank J. has a large and growing collection of imported sticks.
And the number one almost useless GREAT thing that I’ve learned about Frank J…

Frank J. hasn’t keeeled anybody today. But you know what? The day ain’t over yet.
Have a Happy Birthday tomorrow, today!
O fearless blogger,
master ronin
and general all around good guy, Frank J!