Top Ten Things Obama Could Concede to Conservatives

Posted on August 12, 2009 1:07 pm

Obama wants to do lots of crazy socialist stuff, and that’s his prerogative. The only thing is we conservatives don’t like it and like to yell and join mobs. Obama doesn’t want to compromise, though, but maybe he doesn’t have to. While he’s busy socializing health care or taking over private industry, maybe he can at least give conservatives something else they’d like.

TOP TEN THINGS OBAMA COULD CEDE TO CONSERVATIVES

10. Recognize our Constitutional right to flamethrowers.

9. Set Barney Frank on fire.

8. Designate special “Speaker of the House Paper Bag with Eye Holes” that Pelosi has to wear.

7. Instead of disposing of decommissioned military hardware, give it to people who would still enjoy it.

6. Give us letters of marque so we can be pirates.

5. Let us pick one country to go to war with for no good reason.

4. Nuke something. Anything. Maybe the moon…

3. Command Keith Olbermann to do a silly little monkey dance for us.

2. Declaring punching hippies a constitutionally protected form of speech

And the number one thing Obama could cede to conservatives…

Stop calling us honkeys.

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36 Responses to “Top Ten Things Obama Could Concede to Conservatives”

  1. storm1911 says:

    Obama could admit he is puppet for the Soros aliens from the Seventh plaanet, and ask Fred Thompson for forgiveness.

  2. Tim says:

    Obama could admit he is puppet for the Soros aliens from the Seventh plaanet, and ask Fred Thompson for forgiveness.

    Obama is a Scientologist? Who knew?

  3. innominatus says:

    Numbers 9, 7 and 6 should be 1, 2 and 3.

    Remember a few years ago when that giant pile of tires burned in Ohio? There was enough oil left on the ground to pay for the firefighting effort. Imagine our return on investment if Bawney went up in flames. Biodiesel for All!

    It really pizzes me off when they cut up perfectly good F-14s instead of selling them to collectors. The claim is that parted-out Tomcats could fall into the hands of bad guys like Iran. Serious? Is Iran suddenly gonna become more of a threat because they have 4 airworthy Tomcats instead of two?

    And reprisals on pirates would be fun. We could use magic marquers to draw purple mustaches on them while they sleep.

  4. FormerHostage says:

    THINGS OBAMA COULD CEDE TO CONSERVATIVES

    * State categorically that John McCain is not, never was, and never will be a Conservative.
    * Admit that Michelle Malkin is WAY hotter than Michelle Obama.
    * The right to register legitimate complaints without being labeled a racist, a meanie, or accused of wanting poor black children to die.

  5. Karen says:

    #4 Only people who want poor black children to die would make a list like that!

  6. MarkoMancuso says:

    Innominatus, you’re exactly right. America just won’t be the same without Tomcats flying past aircraft carriers at the speed of sound.

  7. Hammy says:

    Sorry Frank, I think only congress can grant Letters of Marque and they are way too busy plundering my paycheck to let the rest of us join in the fun.

  8. John says:

    Maybe he could gives us term limits without any loop-holes.

  9. Peregrine John says:

    What a pity! As far as I’m concerned, granting me a Letter of Marque covers a multitude of sins!

  10. ss396 says:

    5. Let us pick one country to go to war with for no good reason.

    I recall reading that President Hoover once remarked something to the effect that the President should be given the right to kill one person in the country each year; no reason given, no questions asked.

  11. Jeff says:

    A nice little war with Canada would be a welcome distraction, and would bolster the economy of Michigan.

    We could go to war with Mexico but the weather is so much nicer in Canada this time of year.

  12. Deafdog says:

    How about a return of gladiator matches, but we use the talking heads instead of actual gladiators. First up……

    Representing the red team – Sarah Palin, of course.

    Picing the blue team rep would be tough (I’d like to see Sarah beat up a bunch of them), but Fwank, Waxman, Pelosi, Dodd, Biden, etc. They can pick.

  13. Corona says:

    Congressional Death Match 2009!

  14. IH8Socialist says:

    A pie in Boxers face would be good, Waxman and Finestien should have special “Paper Bag with Eye Holes” too. As for the list #10, #9, #7, #3, #2 are awesome. I really like #10 and #2 the most.

  15. Eric says:

    5. Let us pick one country to go to war with for no good reason.

    Well for no good reason wouldn’t work, but… They have oil. Mexicans would become American citizens, eliminating 99% of our illegals (they would have to pay taxes then). Fixes most of the illegal drug problem. Reclaim 80% of the products “made in North America”. Our southern border would shrink by 1200%. Only 300 Islamists in the whole country. 95% Christian. 7th most popular tourist country, worldwide. Naked beaches, cheap hookers, already in place govt. healthcare, Cancun, Acapulco, Mazatlan, Puerto Viarta, Tampico. And most importantly TEQUILA!

  16. ussjimmycarter says:

    How about allowing us to punch Keith Olberman while we set MSNBC on fire with decommissioned military hardware that we found on the street corner (having declared war on MSNBC)! As for my letter of marquee…I’ll just be a takin’ mine me mattie…Arrrrr!!!!

  17. Live Free Or Die says:

    O-bah-muhh should cede to Conservatives: 1) Hawaii; if we can’t see his Birth Certificate, we should at least have a nice place to vacation. 2) The singing of the Star Spangled Banner. Libtards have always hated it anyway. 3) A ‘Kick Me’ sign to be worn by Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid. 4) Roast a Weinie Day(similar to #9 of Frank J’s List,but not limited to Bawny Fwank). 5) Letters of Marque so that we can be Privateers. Navy Seals don’t take kindly to Pirates.

  18. DamnCat says:

    Corona says:
    Congressional Death Match 2009!

    I’d buy that for a dollar!

  19. Mike says:

    Actually, flamethrowers are surprisingly unregulated. Legally you could sell them to babies.

  20. MarkoMancuso says:

    I too agree with Corona. However, we should also allow ex-Congressman to fight. At the end, Fred Thompson would slowly walk around the ring like James Caan at the end of Rollerball.

  21. Matt says:

    Isn’t setting Barney Frank on fire a bit redundant?

  22. Chuck says:

    Can’t help but point out that we already have the right to own flamethrowers. I know several folks that have ‘em.
    However if Obama would cede #9 , I’m certain they would to a man turn in their flamethrowers after they were done.

  23. Silicon Valley Jim says:

    Actually, flamethrowers are surprisingly unregulated. Legally you could sell them to babies.

    Ooh, I think that I just figured out what to get my nephew for Christmas!

  24. Eros says:

    How about a Death Race (like the original Death Race 2000)? Set up special marches for Obamacare on every major highway during the days the event is held. Roadside coverage of the race by Keith Olbermann, Barbra Walters, Rosie O’Donnald, Christiana Almonpor, Arianna Huffington and Chris Mathews and a documentary personally filmed by Michael Moore (adding 200 extra points for every ultra-liberal reporter). For the finally, the winner will be greeted by the president and congress (see the end of DR 2000). Now that’s entertainment!

  25. midwestconservative says:

    Flame throwers unregulated? Can I use one for deer hunting?

  26. midwestconservative says:

    A hot fresh steak would be nice when it’s ten degrees , wind blowing , and I’m sitting in my tree stand!

  27. seanmahair says:

    If he “Stops calling us honkeys” do I have to stop calling him ‘crackah’?

    That would make me very sad. Sigh.

  28. RightWingKiller says:

    If we had “Letters of Marque” I believe we’d be “Privateers” as opposed to Pirates.
    A technical point but a significant one before an Admiralty Court.
    I stand ready to set sail from Buzzards Bay when assigned! I would happily plunder the Libtard coast of Long Island!
    Sag Harbor will never be the same.

  29. AlanABQ says:

    Flamethrowers are legal. In fact, you can claim one under the right to keep & bear arms. Of course, you’d have a hard time buying one…

    But that’s why I’m here: DIY flamethrower!

    At the university campus, they used to have fire extinguishers that were little more than metal Hudson sprayers with pressurized water, reinforced hoses, and metal tips at the end; perfect for not melting like a plastic tip!

    We “acquired” one or two when we were younger & would simply de-pressurize them, empty the water, spend $2.00 to fill it up at the gas station & then easily use the air hose there to repressurize them to about 70-90 psi.

    And voila! Instant hippie broiler. The only thing missing was a pilot light/torch, but there are a number of ways to improvise – piezoelectric igniters from a cigarette lighter, compact Bernz-O-Matic torch lashed to the end of the hose itself…use your creativity! And the nice thing is that they’re totally reusable, so no worries about that whole “reduce/reuse/recycle” meme the leftards are always bitching about.

    This has been a “The More You Know” PSA brought to you by AlanABQ.

    (Disclaimer: DO NOT spray flame for more than 5 seconds at a time. AlanABQ not responsible for owies, self-immolation or legal ramifications incurred by improper use and/or timing; please use your wits when using fire or any kind of weapon, and always have an escape route planned in advance.
    Keep out of reach of kids, law enforcement and progressives.)

  30. Carl Pham says:

    He could institute a new “Cash for Clunkers” program that would pay Democrats to be neutered. I mean, their demographics are terrible, but at 1.1 children per Democrat, it’s just taking too long for them to vanish. If that polluting mileage were reduced by having people turn in their old child-emitting Democrat for a spanking new one that only produced 0.1 child per Democrat, well, the world would be cleaned up faster.

  31. Barb says:

    Awesome. That’s it — I’m definitely starting a “Draft FrankJ” campaign for 2012. (Also, congrats on the new home! — per other post.)

  32. Chuck says:

    Personally I find a flamethrower to be the ultimate home defense weapon.

    They’re wonderfully effective at “in home” ranges and they eliminate the need to call the police afterward, since they almost always show up with the fire department.

  33. NunyaB says:

    Since Obama is the Ultimate Clunker, I’d be satisfied with receiving reparations (in unmarked bills of course) for every month that I survive his laughably scary administration.

  34. BeerSnob says:

    9. Set Barney Frank on fire

    But wouldn’t that make him a flaming….
    oh… nevermind

  35. penitentman says:

    Personally I would prefer they replace the Official Paper Bag With Eye Holes that Pelosi, Fwank, Feinstein, Biden, et al would be required to wear, with the Official Plastic Bag Without Holes. In this case, plastic turns out to be more environmentally friendly than paper! Recycling is cool so we could use the bags over and over.

    As for going to war with a random country; we should pick Cuba. We could get them to declare war on us (so we would be forced to defend ourselves) by telling all those Socialist Elites we have reconsidered and opened up trade and travel to Cuba again. Unfortunately, they don’t have runways at their airports that will accommodate our Large American.. uh … airplanes, so they will have to parachute in. Cuba thinks it is an invasion, shoots all the ‘invading American Capitalist dogs’ (hee hee, jokes on them!) and declares war on us. We could solve a multitude of problems in one fell swoop! Of course there would have to be many journalists embedded… I mean going with them to cover the historic event- another problem solved!

  36. Jazmine Von Holzrand says:

    ***He could institute a new “Cash for Clunkers” program that would pay Democrats to be neutered. I mean, their demographics are terrible, but at 1.1 children per Democrat, it’s just taking too long for them to vanish. If that polluting mileage were reduced by having people turn in their old child-emitting Democrat for a spanking new one that only produced 0.1 child per Democrat, well, the world would be cleaned up faster.***

    I will donate to this program.

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