Lame bin Laden joke open thread

Some got it, but some missed the joke in the bin Laden after-death photo post.

I don’t blame those that didn’t get it. It’s lame. And not well-done.

Then, again, you saw my name at the top, so what do you expect. Unless you’re reading the mobile version on your iPhone or Blackberry or Droid or something, in which case my name’s at the bottom.

Anyway, it was lame. But some got it.

If you didn’t, Bix Dugan explains it in the comments:

Get it? He’s being eaten by fish. These are the jokes, folks.

The other thing. One lame joke deserves another.

And that was the other purpose of the post. Lame bin Laden jokes. xxyzx accepted that unstated invitation, as did Rick.

So, here it is officially and explicitly stated: Those lame bin Laden jokes you’ve been wanting to share? Go ahead. It’s okay. Watch the language, though. The boss might be reading.

I’ll start:

A Navy SEAL walks into a bar and orders a Bin Laden.

“What’s a Bin Laden,” the bartender asks.

The SEAL replies, “Two shots and a splash of water.”

Okay, your turn. And keep it clean. Or, PG-13, at least.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (13 votes, average: 4.92 out of 5)

40 Comments

  1. Political Jokes

    Previous Joke | Next Joke

    Bin Laden and the Genie in the Bottle

    Osama bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, “Master, may I grant you one wish?”

    “Infidel, don’t you know who I am? I need nothing from a lowly woman,” barked bin Laden.

    The genie pleaded, “But master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever.”

    Osama thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he relented. “OK, OK, I want wake up with three white, American women in my bed in the morning. I have plans for them.” Giving the genie a cold glare, he growled, “Now, be gone!”

    The genie, annoyed, said “So be it!” and disappeared back into the bottle. The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his leg was broken and he had no health insurance.

    0

    0
  2. So the Devil takes one look and sez bin Laden, you look like squid squeeze.
    And Oama sez it coulda been worse. I coulda walked into a BAR.

    (Lame joke factor high, proud of our military factor higher.)

    0

    0
  3. *knock* *knock*
    Who’s there?
    The Navy SEALS.
    The Navy SEALS wh–*BANG!*

    What’s the last thing to go thru Osama’s mind? An eel. No wait, a clownfish. No wait…

    1. Osama bin Laden 2. Waldo 3. Carmen Sandiego

    0

    0
  4. “They dumped him in the ocean. Now I won’t feel so guilty about peeing in the water any more when I go to the beach.”? –Jimmy Kimmel

    “Looking for Bin Laden was like a 10-year game of Where’s Waldo. Only better because when you finally find Waldo you get to storm his compound and bust a cap in his ass.” –Craig Ferguson

    Bin Laden’s next to last words: “You hear that, Elizabeth?! Oh, this is the big one! I’m coming to join you, honey.” -Burmashave

    0

    0
  5. This is a great time for some classic lines from The Godfather in lame bin-Laden jokes:

    “Osama? You won’t see him no more.”

    “Leave the gun, take the dead terrorist.”

    “I’ll make him a offer he can’t refuse. Naaaaah, just shoot him in the head and dump him in the sea.”

    “Osama sleeps with the fishes.”

    0

    0
  6. Know what they found on Osama’s computer? Blood & brains

    Overheard in a seafood restaurant a few months from now: “Waitress, why does my crab taste funny?”

    0

    0
  7. Osama gets to Paradise only to find out that it’s a small town in Pennsylvania. So, he’s walking down the street and runs into Saddam Hussein. Saddam says, “So they finally got you?”

    Osama replies, “Yeah, a bunch of Seals sneaked up on me, busted into the bedroom, and double tapped me in the forehead.” ” I was shocked!”

    “Shocked?” asked Saddam, “You had to know it would happen eventually?”

    “Oh, I figured I’d get popped someday, but I always thought it would be a MARINE!”

    0

    0
  8. The joke is how many times the administration has changed it’s story. Melissa Clouthier begins the list. Quote:

    1) There was a firefight.
    2) There was no firefight.
    3) Bin Laden was “resisting.”
    4) Bin Laden wasn’t armed. (Makes the concept of “resisting” interesting.)
    [4.a. And the newest one: the SEALS thought bin Laden was reaching for a weapon.]
    5) He used his wife as a shield.
    6) His wife was killed too.
    7) He didn’t use his wife as a shield. She ran at a SEAL who shot her in the leg, but she’s fine.
    8 ) Some other woman — the maid? — was used as a shield. By somebody. Downstairs.
    9) That other woman — downstairs — was killed.
    10) Maybe not. She was killed unless she wasn’t — and who was she, anyway?
    11) Bin Laden’s son was killed.
    12) Unless it was some other guy.
    13) Bin Laden’s daughter saw him get killed. She’s undoubtedly traumatized, poor dear.
    14) They were going to capture Bin Laden until the problem with the helicopter, which was:
    A) It had mechanical trouble
    B) It did a hard landing
    C) It crashed
    D) It clipped a wall with a tail rotor, effectively a crash
    15.) They were never going to try to capture him; it was always a kill mission.
    16.) No, it wasn’t.

    And the latest today:

    No Shots Were Fired on SEALs Inside the House (Jim Hoft, Gateway Pundit).

    Taken as whole, this really IS quite a joke.

    0

    0
  9. Obama walks into a bar. The bartender says “what will you have?” No response… The bartender says “Hey dude, you got a hole in your head or something?”

    0

    0
  10. Has anyone seen Aquaman lately? I would hate to think that he is doing anything…well…”unseemly” to Osama’s body! That would not be like totally respectful of Islamic tradition! Bad Aquaman!

    0

    0
  11. I want $1 for every time someone has said “Obama” instead of “Osama” in the last week, it’ll be like winning the lottery being on welfare.

    0

    0
  12. Hagfish #1: “How you goin’ in, Charlie? Seems like we got the two usual choices here, but that mouth is wacked!”
    Hagfish #2: “How’s about you take the pie hole, I’ll take the anus, Tommy.”
    Hagfish #1: “It’ll be Uranus, then. Hee hee. Wow! That’s a big ass piehole! ”
    Hagfish #2: “Yeah, looks like he ate one.”

    0

    0
  13. Osama meets his courier in hell. “Your stupid phone call! You betrayed me! I’ve half a mind to….oh, wait.”

    0

    0
  14. I saw posted on another web site Osama’s last Facebook post.

    “BRB, someone at the door”

    0

    0
  15. New reality show for Navy SEALs: Extreme Home Takeover.

    There’s a surprise reveal on every episode!

    0

    0
  16. For sale cheap, 3 story, large, eight rm mansion w/12 foot security wall topped w/barbed wire, located in good neighborhood near lg military base, ez access to schools, shopping centers, police stations, sorry…no phone, internet, or trash service, some bullet holes in walls, ceiling, floors, blood stains on floors, minor maintenance/clean-up needed, otherwise ready for immediate occupancy, former occupant deceased. Inquire Abbottabad Reality Co. ask for Achmed.

    0

    0
  17. Bin Laden actually got a warning the day of the raid. He said he’d keep an eye out.

    0

    0
  18. New AlQida Tshirt: “My Leader got shot in the head and all I got was this lousy Tshirt!”

    0

    0
  19. Famous Ironic Last Words:
    “Man. My sinus’ are killing me!”~ Osama Bin Laden

    0

    0
  20. Osama’s bucket list
    – no more dialisis
    – get lasik done
    – go deep see diving
    – finally finish movie Navy Seals

    so what DNA did they match up to confirm it was Osama? did they just scrape the blood and brain bits off his monitor and then compare it with the blood and brain bits still attached to the back of his face? 100% match woot!!!

    What goes, “Ha Ha Thump”? Osama’s last laugh

    0

    0
  21. All the 7-11s in the US were closed Monday. Sign in the window said, “Death in the family.”

    0

    0
  22. Not sure where I saw this one, may have been from Mark Steyn:

    Osama goes to visit a fortune teller, and asks her on what day he will die.

    The fortune teller replies ” You will die on an American holiday.”

    “Which one?”, asks Osama.

    “It doesn’t matter”, replies the fortune teller. “Whatever day you die will become an American holiday.”

    0

    0
  23. After getting nailed by a US Navy SEAL, Osama made his way
    to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

    “How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr.
    Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

    Patrick Henry comes up from behind. “You wanted to end the
    Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches
    Osama on the nose.

    James Madison comes up next, and says “This is why I allowed
    the Federal government to provide for the common defense!”
    He drops a large weight on Osama’s knee.

    Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of
    Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the
    same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground,
    Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate
    where he is to be judged.

    As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination,
    he screams “This is not what I was promised!”

    An angel replies “I told you there would be 72 Virginians
    waiting for you. What did you think I said?”

    0

    0
  24. Or 72 sturgeons, Mark, as an astute IMAO Ronin pointed out the other day.

    Personally, I think he’s got 72 hagfish up his a$$ eating out his guts.

    0

    0
  25. A Navy SEAL walks into a bar and orders a Bin Laden.
    “What’s a Bin Laden,” the bartender asks.
    The SEAL replies, “Two shots and a splash of water.”

    Bartender continues: That’s a non-alcoholic drink.
    SEAL:Really! Why?
    Bartender: Zero proof.
    .
    .
    …EXPLANATION…
    That’s one for those who don’t believe the shots and splash
    occurred without seeing a photo

    0

    0
  26. Terrorist A: “Glorious Leader, it is time to make another threatening video to send to America.”
    Osama: “What? Again? Did we not just make one a few months ago?”
    Terrorist B: “Yes great one, but they have not changed their ways.”
    Osama: “Well, I don’t have time to make another now, just send them one of our old ones again.”
    Terrorist A: “Master, you need to make another one.”
    Osama: “I need to make another video like I need a hole in the head!”
    Terrorist B: “Hey, I think there’s some people outside.”

    0

    0
  27. Starbucks new offering – the Bin Latte

    ……… dark bodied, frothy head, with 2 shots in it ……..

    0

    0
  28. How many Osama Bin Laden’s does it take to change a lightbulb?
    There are no lightbulbs in Hell.

    0

    0
  29. Finally I can fill my tank! All the convenience stores have been closed all week due to a death in the family.

    0

    0
  30. Bin Laden realized he wasn’t going to heaven when he arrived and discovered Ted Kennedy had already deflowered all his virgins.

    0

    0

Comments are closed.