10 Ways Obama Will Distract You From Talking About the Economy

Posted on May 13, 2012 11:15 am

[High Praise! to Critter for the suggestion]

I don’t have psychic powers, but I do have enough brain juice to notice the odd way various unimportant topics keep popping up in the media’s chit-chat about the President – none of which are even remotely related to his dismal record on the economy.

It’s like there’s this… list… somewhere of oo!-look-at-the-shiny-penny distrac-topics that various spokes-tools drag into the news cycle’s echo chamber to keep people from thinking, “Hey! I don’t have a job and my insurance premiums just went up because of Obamacare!”

You know… stuff like “how Romney transported his dog 30 years ago”, “how the government helps ‘Julia’”, and – perhaps cheesiest of all – after 3 years of phumphering, Obama finally admits to having an opinion on gay marriage, and it’s the same one EVERY liberal Democrat has.

What’ll pop out of the spin machine next? Let the wild speculation begin!:
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“Does Obama look like he’s put on a few pounds? Also, has anyone seen Bo?”

1) During a speech at a Stark Trek convention, Obama “boldly goes there” by insisting that Janeway was way better than both Kirk AND Picard.

2) Nancy Pelosi suggests that, because of the President’s “gutsy call” to get bin Laden, the American military’s highest award for bravery should be renamed the “Obama Medal of Honor.”

3) Heavy rains cause massive flooding in Mississippi! Could this be a sign of GLOBAL WARMING?

4) A growing trend of people seeing the Obama symbol in everyday objects, like soccer balls, beer foam, and small moons – obviously because of their strong, unconscious yearning for the hope Obama brings, since Romney’s trademark important-looking hair hasn’t been seen anywhere except his barber’s floor. Speaking of which, did you know Romney pays more than $10 for a haircut? He’s SO out of touch with the average American!

5) Nathan Fillion publicly admits to owning the only surviving DVDs of “Firefly: Season Two”.

6) Drought in Oklahoma! Could this be a sign of GLOBAL WARMING?

7) Unquashable rumor that financially-troubled ratings-Morlock MSNBC will be bought by Newsweek for $1.

8) On the 35th anniversary of his death, Obama makes a gutsy call by openly stating his preference for “young Elvis“.

9) For the first time in history, the entire United States goes a day without setting a high- or low-temperature record – GLOBALWARMINGGLOBALWARMINGGLOBALWARMING!

10) When Jay Carney walks out to the podium for the morning press briefing, ABC’s eagle-eyed Jake Tapper notices that Jay forgot to remove the joint from behind his ear, and harshes everyone’s mellow by asking about it.
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Or Obama could just go old-school Wag the Dog and declare war on Albania

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8 Responses to “10 Ways Obama Will Distract You From Talking About the Economy”

  1. zzyzx says:

    During a speech in swing state Ohio Obama takes credit for having “kept our boys out of Northern Ireland” and vows to continue to do so for as long as he is president of this great country!

  2. Went West says:

    Does anyone know where I can get a Presidential Playpen, like the one Obama uses, as a birthday present? Looks really cute with a seal and everything.

  3. Scott says:

    Yeah, but Sisko actually punched Q.

  4. Critter says:

    *BOOM*! there goes a Chevy Volt! *BOOM*! there goes another one!

  5. DonP says:

    Saying that Janeway, the only starship commander to get totally “Lost in Space” was a better Captain than Kirk or Picard is a good way to get beat up by the special ed kid! (ht to innominatus)

  6. Shiney Objects « YouViewed/editorial links:

    [...] to see here , move along now [...]

  7. Ernie Loco says:

    5) Nathan Fillion publicly admits to owning the only surviving DVDs of “Firefly: Season Two”.

    If anybody admitted to owning copies of Firefly season two, I would immediately ignore Obama’s crappy record, the economy, politics in general, recreational activities, work and sleep until I got my hands on said videos.

  8. Dohtimes says:

    Obama denies failing in his goal of appearing more like Abe Lincoln just because Chaz Bono stole his stovepipe hat, his chin whiskers and two of his three testicles. Insists he was going to give Chaz his lunch money anyway since the economy is booming and lunches are now free.

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