Straight Line of the Day: The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…
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(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
November 20th, 2012 at 12:02 pm
Joe Biden running around screaming Malarky.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
… The bollywood style dance number at the end, totally didn’t see that coming.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:03 pm
The sequence where David Letterman did Stupid Werewolf tricks.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:05 pm
…what the hell is a “Twilight” film?…
November 20th, 2012 at 12:05 pm
was that Kristin Stewart didn’t do all the Volturi because they said they were directors.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Not to be outdone by sparkly vampires, the werewolves got their fur permed,
November 20th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
…Taylor Lautner is actually Keyser Söze.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:10 pm
Turns out that Bella was Keyser Sozay all along!
November 20th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
The vampire and werewolf Gangnam style scene was more reminiscent of Elaine Benes’ dancing moves.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
Vogon poetry doesn’t have much effect on the undead.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Jacob Black screaming “LEEROY JENKINS” everytime he jumped through the air.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:17 pm
Bella was really a man!
November 20th, 2012 at 12:29 pm
…when Xerxes offered Edward the title of Warlord of all Portlandia in exchange for a tribute of earth and fair-trade coffee.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:35 pm
…when Barney Frank shot up in bed and realized it was all a dream.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:40 pm
…the Spanish Inquisition! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:44 pm
….when Big Bird showed up to campaign Obama from the sidelines.
November 20th, 2012 at 12:48 pm
…Peter O’Toole guest starring as a shirtless vampire. (He’s surprisingly ripped for an 80 year old.)
November 20th, 2012 at 12:53 pm
…was Dan Akroyd sitting at a desk in the final credits saying “Kristin you ignorant slut.”
November 20th, 2012 at 12:56 pm
♬
They did the mash… They did the Monster Mash…
♬
November 20th, 2012 at 12:57 pm
The vampires slept in binders instead of coffins.
November 20th, 2012 at 1:02 pm
The whirring sound of Bram Stoker in his grave could be heard over the end credits.
In order to appeal to a more international audience, they included jiangshi:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChineseVampire
November 20th, 2012 at 1:07 pm
The emergence of the vampire cat — Nomsferatu
November 20th, 2012 at 1:25 pm
…Abraham Lincoln slaying all the vampires with an ax.
November 20th, 2012 at 1:31 pm
Right at the beginning of the movie when Edward, mouth dripping, mumbles, “The blood … was … tainted” and falls over dead. Running 2 hours of Travel Channel highlights from Bolivia to fill out the rest of the film was a real shocker to me.
November 20th, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Blade popped out and killed them all!
November 20th, 2012 at 1:43 pm
….was the realization that the migraine it gave you was the cause of the sparkles all along.
November 20th, 2012 at 1:46 pm
…the Vampires blew up the moon so the werewolves wouldn’t be able to have their power. I wonder where they got that idea
.
November 20th, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Was that this actually IS the last Twilight film. Praise Allah, Let It Be So!
November 20th, 2012 at 1:51 pm
#7 Ha ha we typed it at the same time!
November 20th, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Christian Slater showed up before the battle scene to try and interview the Volturi. His last shot involved him running like a Democrat from responsibility.
November 20th, 2012 at 2:07 pm
…that people are still going to watch Twilight films.
November 20th, 2012 at 2:15 pm
…was Gary Busey’s cameo dressed as a prom queen.
November 20th, 2012 at 2:25 pm
Was Edward dropping Bella like a cold fish and running off to San Francisco with that hunk Jacob.
November 20th, 2012 at 2:28 pm
Is when the werewolves start up a casino.
November 20th, 2012 at 2:32 pm
There was a flash mob dancing to “Thriller” in the middle of the whole thing.
November 20th, 2012 at 2:41 pm
…was when the vampires built a giant wooden Werebadger.
November 20th, 2012 at 3:05 pm
It was weird, but they showed up to fight with their faces painted half blue, and then they all lifted their kilts. I’m still not sure what that was all about, but baby, it was cold outside.
November 20th, 2012 at 3:35 pm
…was learning all the sparkly blood suckers were just gay lawyers looking for Obama’s navy corpsemen.
…is seeing all the werewolves in the feminine products aisle every full moon.
…was when Frank J and spacemonkey got in that fight to be first in line.
November 20th, 2012 at 4:51 pm
… were the zombies snickering in the background.
… was that the sparkling was just the aneurysm.
… was that someone actually spent money to make this “thing”.
November 20th, 2012 at 4:57 pm
… the only Vampires who “Twinkle” in sunlight are also “light in the loafers”
November 20th, 2012 at 5:16 pm
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…was Rod Serling narrating at the end how they had been in “The Twilight Zone” and the whole story was from a drug induced coma.
November 20th, 2012 at 5:18 pm
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…was that it got less press than the personal lives of the idiot actors in it.
November 20th, 2012 at 6:00 pm
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film is (spoiler alert) the death of most of the major characters at the hands of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.
And yes, I stole that from Jimmy Fallon. But it was too good not to.
November 20th, 2012 at 8:48 pm
… is that it was all just Bobby’s dream
November 20th, 2012 at 8:52 pm
… is when Col. Henry Blake’s plane is shot down over the Sea of Japan
November 20th, 2012 at 9:20 pm
The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…
the loud sucking sound throughout the movie was the movie series actually sucking.
a space laser evaporated the lot of them in the middle of the movie and none of the people watching noticed.
November 21st, 2012 at 12:06 am
…Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.
…it turns out Rosebud is a sled.
…Maggie shot Mr. Burns.
…people actually spent money to see it.
…they’re reworking the story to turn it into a TV sitcom starring Dane Cook.
November 21st, 2012 at 1:20 am
First, Bella busts the vampire guy and the werewolf guy sucking face.
Then, Daniel Day Lewis shows up as Abe Lincoln and kills them both with an axe, and with a little help from an adz.
November 21st, 2012 at 9:24 am
Was that the entire final battle was really about who gets to have their picture on the new Count Chocula Box
November 21st, 2012 at 1:19 pm
…had more bad acting than a William Shatner film festival.
November 21st, 2012 at 1:22 pm
was the subtitle — It Ain’t Over ’til The Bat Lady Sings
November 21st, 2012 at 2:25 pm
…was the scene where Lawrence Talbot and Count Dracula moved to a country where assisted suicide was legal.
November 21st, 2012 at 6:27 pm
CarolyntheMommy, I have a small to medium to large to extra-large girlcrush on you. That is all.
November 21st, 2012 at 8:22 pm
…was the scene of a pale and sparkly Bob Newhart waking up in bed next to the corpse of Suzanne Pleshette and commenting about the strange dream he just had which was interrupted by a CGI of Rod Serling walking onto the set and making a droll, insightful commentary about having just departed…The Twilight Zone.
November 21st, 2012 at 8:34 pm
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