Straight Line of the Day: The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…

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  1. Right at the beginning of the movie when Edward, mouth dripping, mumbles, “The blood … was … tainted” and falls over dead. Running 2 hours of Travel Channel highlights from Bolivia to fill out the rest of the film was a real shocker to me.

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  2. It was weird, but they showed up to fight with their faces painted half blue, and then they all lifted their kilts. I’m still not sure what that was all about, but baby, it was cold outside.

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  3. …was learning all the sparkly blood suckers were just gay lawyers looking for Obama’s navy corpsemen.

    …is seeing all the werewolves in the feminine products aisle every full moon.

    …was when Frank J and spacemonkey got in that fight to be first in line.

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  4. The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film is (spoiler alert) the death of most of the major characters at the hands of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.

    And yes, I stole that from Jimmy Fallon. But it was too good not to.

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  5. The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…
    the loud sucking sound throughout the movie was the movie series actually sucking.
    a space laser evaporated the lot of them in the middle of the movie and none of the people watching noticed.

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  6. …Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.

    …it turns out Rosebud is a sled.

    …Maggie shot Mr. Burns.

    …people actually spent money to see it.

    …they’re reworking the story to turn it into a TV sitcom starring Dane Cook.

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  7. …was the scene of a pale and sparkly Bob Newhart waking up in bed next to the corpse of Suzanne Pleshette and commenting about the strange dream he just had which was interrupted by a CGI of Rod Serling walking onto the set and making a droll, insightful commentary about having just departed…The Twilight Zone.

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  8. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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