Straight Line of the Day: To Get People to Show Up for Obama’s Inauguration, the White House Is Offering…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…
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December 28th, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Obamacare waivers
December 28th, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Some Redistribution vouchers.
December 28th, 2012 at 12:13 pm
apologies for everything from slavery to your neighbor’s halitosis.
December 28th, 2012 at 12:22 pm
… Communism
… Free cell phones
… to disarm all attendees
… Special inaugural t-shirts that say “my country went over the fiscal cliff and all I got was this stupid President
December 28th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
… free chevy volts
December 28th, 2012 at 12:28 pm
. . . free bongs
. . . free firearms to anybody who can prove that he isn’t a legal resident of the United States
. . . a free dinner with Michelle (all the tofu and cauliflower you can eat!)
December 28th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
. . . five hundred free minutes fot their Obamaphones, and the promise that they will be “re-educated” last.
December 28th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
…three free throws at the Nancy Pelosi dunk tank. (shhhh… don’t tell anyone she’ll melt after the first direct hit.)
…to let people kick Mooch in the nuts.
December 28th, 2012 at 12:39 pm
Unconditional amnesty and pardons for anything and everything. (Palefaces need not apply.)
December 28th, 2012 at 12:52 pm
…1/32 ethnicity of your choice.
…two pardons for the price of one.
…try one more time to get blood out your turnip before calling it quits.
December 28th, 2012 at 12:54 pm
ewwww that took so long o think up it was a rehash of lilo’s.
December 28th, 2012 at 12:58 pm
…tax write off for the cost of your boyfriends ball gown.
December 28th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
–a briefcase full of taxpayer money
–dog food (no, I mean DOG food)
–an Bill Ayers-autographed copy of Dreams from My Father
–lap dance from Chris Matthews
December 28th, 2012 at 1:20 pm
…to kill you last!
December 28th, 2012 at 1:46 pm
- GM Volt Obamacars
- raffle ticket to a well used golf cart.
- Candy Crowley
December 28th, 2012 at 1:47 pm
A new Currier and Ives Mayan Calendar with dates for the next 5000 years.
December 28th, 2012 at 1:49 pm
- Michelle Obama’s weight loss program (A refrigerator magnet picture of Michelle)
December 28th, 2012 at 1:50 pm
…their very own racist playing cards.
December 28th, 2012 at 1:51 pm
…His newest book, “Fix the Blame, not the Mistake.”
December 28th, 2012 at 1:52 pm
…a promise to deliver 47% of everything the 99% ever wanted 1% of the time.
December 28th, 2012 at 2:42 pm
a Chicago ballot to vote for Obama during his 2016 re-election campaign.
December 28th, 2012 at 2:56 pm
…free choom!
(Includes bong with small donation to pay off campaign debts.)
December 28th, 2012 at 4:08 pm
…to tie a pork chop to Obama.
December 28th, 2012 at 4:17 pm
…to make you this week’s Secretary of State nominee.
December 28th, 2012 at 4:19 pm
…a dose of Rohypnol so you won’t have to remember it the next morning.
December 28th, 2012 at 5:12 pm
Rodney, flat Michelle, along with flat Fatima and flat Islamic Rage Boy is available at The People’s Cube. And, yes, if there’s anything that’ll put you off your feed and fix the obesity “epidemic” in America, it would be flat Michelle standing in your kitchen.
If you are in a particularly masochistic mind frame, you can always look up some of B.C.’s photoshops of sHrillary and/or Helen Thomas over at the Rott or Son of Soylent Green. Guaranteed to cause projectile vomiting and loss of appetite… along with a national shortage of Brain Bleach.
December 28th, 2012 at 8:31 pm
…to let all attendees punch either Joe Biden, or Michelle…depending on how brave they are feeling
December 28th, 2012 at 8:33 pm
free lessons on how to bow to other countries rulers, and a “I’m with Stupid” bumper sticker
December 28th, 2012 at 8:34 pm
…Bacon. Because people will show up to anything for free bacon
December 29th, 2012 at 12:31 am
…to continue guiding the nation wisely despite an obstructionist, dead-ender opposition!
December 29th, 2012 at 12:38 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…Peace, love, change, “the age of Aquarius”, and anything/everything on everyone’s wish list…Just as they did to get him elected in the first place.
December 29th, 2012 at 12:40 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free samples of “Medical Marijuana” in Washington on January 21st.
December 29th, 2012 at 12:47 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to allow “Occupy Inauguration” participants free tent space on the White House lawn.
December 29th, 2012 at 12:50 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free babysitting. (It’s not like Biden would be doing anything else, anyway.)
December 29th, 2012 at 12:59 am
…automatic union membership. Your dues will be deducted from your welfare checks.
December 29th, 2012 at 8:45 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…a private viewing of Sandra Fluke’s lady parts.
December 29th, 2012 at 8:48 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…Republicans a fiscal cliff deal if they stop calling it a national day of mourning.
December 29th, 2012 at 8:50 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to double the welfare benefits of everyone who attends.
December 29th, 2012 at 8:54 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to hold mass gay weddings for his followers.
December 29th, 2012 at 8:56 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to actually fulfill a campaign promise.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:00 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to complement their free Obamaphones with free Obama 70 Inch Plasma TVs.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:03 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to divulge the sex of DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:04 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…free rides on Air Force One.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:11 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…the Baby Boomers who voted for him absolution of their white guilt.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:12 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to help O.J. Simpson find the real killer.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:17 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to host it at Russell Simmon’s house because 99 percenters like him need all the help they can get.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:19 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…raise taxes on white people only.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:23 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering… free chicken and waffles. That’s right. I said it: CHICKEN and MUTHAF’IN WAFFLES!
December 29th, 2012 at 9:25 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to eliminate the national debt by outlawing the U.S. National Debt Clock.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:26 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…the women who voted for him free rides on Richard Trumka’s mustache.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:38 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to combine it with a gun show.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:41 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…assurances that the president will not ask the Supreme Court to overturn his Thanksgiving pardon of BO.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:44 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to make Jay Carney and Robert Gibbs do a song and dance routine to the tune of “Pick A Bail of Cotton” before the swearing-in ceremony.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:46 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to stop campaigning for another four-year term.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:46 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…to not blame the failed economy on the guy who served the four years previously.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:54 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…front row seats for the union members who slew Michelle’s arch enemy: the Hostess Twinkie.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:56 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering free bottles of Cristal.
December 29th, 2012 at 9:59 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering to make Michelle stop using forced child labor from D.C. public schools to tend the White House garden.
December 29th, 2012 at 10:02 am
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering to jump start the economy by doing what he does best: golfing.
December 29th, 2012 at 1:42 pm
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering a train on Sandra Fluke, but first you have to satisfy Moochelle.
Or was that an exemption from the above? I’ll have to check on that one again.
December 29th, 2012 at 1:53 pm
…new fender skirts and bloodflaps so none of your fellow Americans gets on you when the bus goes by.
…to stand on his head so he can look down his nose at the people in the cheap seats.
…to smack John Roberts up side the head and say that’s what we call a penalty if he botches the swearing in.
December 29th, 2012 at 5:12 pm
To get people to show up for Obama’s inauguration, the White House is offering…front row seats to Prince William and Kate.
January 2nd, 2013 at 7:24 pm
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