Straight Line of the Day: A New Study Shows That People Who Ignore Texts Are Happier. Other Keys to Happiness…

Posted on December 10, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new study shows that people who ignore texts are happier. Other keys to happiness…

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42 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: A New Study Shows That People Who Ignore Texts Are Happier. Other Keys to Happiness…”

  1. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . include ignoring “progressives” and feminists

  2. Steve H says:

    Other keys to happiness…
    … not hutting yourself in the head with a hammer
    … Conservatism
    … ignoring ALL of the idiots in your life, not just the texting ones
    … leaving your iphone in the aquarium
    … Anonymiss’ cookies!
    … ignoring late night TV pleas to send $19.95 plus $3 s/h to the address on the screen

  3. Steve H says:

    (hitting, not hutting)

  4. Writer says:

    Not helping Nigerian Princes.

  5. Steve H says:

    Other keys to happiness…
    … speaking in person to people, then listening to (not reading) their reply
    … having a lo-tech or no-tech day every so often
    … gazing out a window for long stretches of time, focusing on nothing in particular (and don’t go looking for the Start button when you’re done)
    … The Gospel of John

  6. Steve H says:

    [I'm going to stop now, before I blow the whole afternoon here.]

  7. Bob B says:

    …ignorance.

    …Texting? what’s that? :)

    …Anonymiss cookies, of course!

  8. James says:

    Paying the $95 to avoid the website.

  9. MYthilt says:

    The obvious….punching hippies in the face.

  10. MYthilt says:

    Ohhhh, gameshow idea. Punch Hippies, Earn cookies. Winner gets a years supply of cookies.

  11. DamnCat says:

    Tuna!

  12. FormerHostage says:

    …never get involved in a land war in Asia and never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
    …snickerdoodles and milk.
    …viagra.
    …beer goggles.
    …weinerdogs.

  13. FormerHostage says:

    …sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting “la, la, la, la….”

  14. FormerHostage says:

    …bacon.

  15. FormerHostage says:

    A good looking blonde swinger who runs a liquor store.

  16. FormerHostage says:

    …ignoring blogging contests that require wit and humor to win.

  17. FormerHostage says:

    …to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

  18. Rayfan87 says:

    Something belt fed and full auto.

  19. c64wood says:

    Other keys to happiness…

    …making the top five in Straight Line of the Day

    …Obamaphones and free healthcare

    …releasing butterflies at weddings

    …getting your groceries in paper bags

    …air in my car’s tires

    …Beatles Stereo Box set on vinyl

    …good friends sharing good wine (red)

  20. HokieGomer says:

    …is beer, living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (hat tip to Mr. Franklin)

  21. HokieGomer says:

    @ #19, that ought to be …getting your groceries bagged in plastic bags then in paper bags.

    And yes, I know Ben didn’t say that, but it doesn’t change the fact of the matter.

  22. Oppo says:

    … stay off of Chuck Norris’ radar.

  23. Wyrmlaf says:

    …not having a cell phone. (yes, I am on call 24/7, why do you ask?)

  24. JeffersonFan says:

    Tell me no lies and keep your hands to your self.

  25. walruskkkch says:

    A new study shows that people who ignore texts are happier. Other keys to happiness…

    Anonymiss cookies, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

  26. blarg says:

    …a warm gun

  27. walruskkkch says:

    A new study shows that people who ignore texts are happier. Other keys to happiness…

    an Obamacare exemption.

    start a Jaguar.

    having your texts ignored.

    a warm puppy. [Obama does interpret that a bit differently though.]

    knowing that, upon your death, you will receive total consciousness.

    is a warm gun.

  28. walruskkkch says:

    A new study shows that people who ignore texts are happier. Other keys to happiness…

    hookers and blow.

  29. Mike in OH says:

    A new study shows that people who ignore texts are happier. Other keys to happiness…the full-throated roar of a small block Corvette with dual exhausts, sucking gas, squealing tires, warm sunshine, knowing that you live in a free America that’s proud of what it is and what it has accomplished. In other words, memories.

  30. jw says:

    120 ft scuba dive off the cayman northwall

    good friends

    old shoes

    two bottles of John Powers Gold Label. one open, one not.

    a dog to pet

  31. Fred Key says:

    KISSAEAC

    (Keep It Simple, Stupid, And Eat Anonymiss’s Cookies)

  32. Dohtimes says:

    …a nice hard landing spot down below at the mall when your significant other wants to keep shopping, for shoes!

    …a trustworthy shepherd of your ignorance.

    …having your cake, and your cook too.

    …knowing how to use a hammer, knowing that you won’t be the one with hammer toe.

    …being able to shovel your driveway, but it’s your driveway so don’t even ask :)

    …staying away from Merle Haggard’s fightin’ side, and his but don’t be a wussie side.

  33. Bob B says:

    …Soma.

    …pffft – pursuit of happiness? In Mother Russia, happiness pursues you, it’s just not quite as fast as vodka and KGB.

    …don’t turn the locks imposed by the Obama administration.

  34. blarg says:

    …playing as many rounds of golf as you can and taking lavish vacations paid for with tax money

    …having every family member (including the dog) take their own private taxpayer-funded plane to the same vacation spot

    …blaming everything on Bush

  35. Burt says:

    …ignoring the evening news.

  36. Gumbeaux says:

    The visual of illegal aliens going back where they came from carrying a Democrat/lawyer under each arm.

    The 22nd amendment.

    Waking up knowing I’m not Mr. Jackson-Lee.

  37. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …praying for the President: “May the Lord bless and keep Barack Obama… far away from me.”

  38. jw says:

    …an inexhaustable supply of books

    …birdseed. lots of birdseed

    …solitude

    …the USMC

  39. Anonymiss says:

    ♫ Happiness is two kinds of ice cream.
    Knowing a secret.
    Getting along.
    Happiness is singing together when day is through,
    And happiness is those who sing with you.

    For happiness is anyone and anything at all
    That’s loved by you.

    I can’t believe somebody didn’t sing to me today. Lots of happiness songs…

  40. Harvey says:

    @39 – Here ya go:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKKjqzkGo3o

    Song starts at 1:30

  41. rodney dill says:

    …blaming Bush.

    …shooting off your shotgun from your back balcony.

  42. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “A New Study Shows That People Who Ignore Texts Are Happier. Other Keys to Happiness…” […]

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