Straight Line of the Day: Scientists Say Earth’s Magnetic Field Is Collapsing. The Solution…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic field is collapsing. The solution…

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78 Comments

  1. …is to deploy every Wheel-O and Fuzzy-Face toy on the planet

    …-we must sent Mylie and Justin to the center of the earth, to use their joint status as the two most attractive people on the planet to jumpstart the magnetic core.

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  2. … use solar and wind farms to power a gigantic electric loop surrounding the Earth; as the plant rotates through the lectric field, it will generate a magnetic one to bolster its natural field.

    Now, when do I get my grant money to start working on this?

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  3. … borrow some from Mars. (oh wait, nevermind…)
    … doesn’t the Tea Party create enough static to counteract the magnetic field shrinkage?
    … have Mellencamp and Galfolf (sp) and Phil Collins do a benefit concert. (Sell metallic commemorative t-shirts and have the wearer spin in place!)

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  4. Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic field is collapsing. The solution is simple once you consider how much spin is generated in Washington DC. A very simple machine can be built around the city to capture and convert that spin into enough magnetic field that we should be able to sell the surplus to other countries and at a decent markup.

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  5. Scientists say the Earth’s magnetic field is collapsing. The solution…

    spend trillions of dollars on shovel ready magnetic field projects run by large donors to the Democratic party.

    build a gigantic anti-magnetic wooden rabbit.

    one word….. subsidies.

    blame anti-magnetic whites.

    Hire that Magneto feller.

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  6. …is to eliminate income inequality.

    …is to confiscate all guns because guns are made of metal, which is, um, magnety, and then we’ll melt them all into one of those “U” shaped things like the Wile E. Coyote has.

    …come to an un-scientific consensus about the matter which furthers your agenda, then persecute any dissenting scientists and ignore their data, then make destructive economic and energy policy, then use fear and regulatory power to implement those policies.

    …is obviously too complex for you simpletons to understand. Which is why I, Barack H. Obama, will appoint a Global Magnetism Czar, who will advise the Democrat Party on how we can take advantage of this crisis to further our agenda.

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  7. … the solution:
    is the same solution for global cooling or global warming or drought in Africa or Republicans in Congress: shut down the US economy. The science is settled. 97% of scientists agree with me. All of those electronic devices and radio and tv broadcast stations and any other RF source is disrupting Earth’s magnetic field. The fact that this has occurred many times in the past is just an inconvenient fact that has nothing to do with this time; it’s the American economy, I tell you!

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  8. Send a government funded, nuclear powered vessel, build of unobtanium into the core of the earth to plant nuclear weapons in carefully selected areas of the core to restart the spinning of the core and restore the magnetic field.

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  9. @39 Of course not! My cookies are attractive because they’re GOOD. Good things are attractive, right?

    (and if they happen to improve your iron levels, that’s just a bonus 🙂

    @40 I like magnets. That doesn’t make my HANDS steel….

    I’m flesh and blood, thank you very much.

    By the way, I hear Harvey likes magnets too. I’m not the only hoarder around here…

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  10. @57 – Actually I learned “I can neither confirm nor deny…” in the Navy. Easy way to maintain security without hurting people’s feelings.

    Anyway, you can send in a resume if you want.

    If it’s attached to a cookie, I… might… read it…

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