Mo Mowlam has found out that this whole war on terror and war against Iraq are just covers for our actual plan to secure oil for ourselves. We were supposed to keep this secret from foreigners, guys! If more people find this out, our sinister plans will be foiled. Now I have to get a “cleaning crew” together and take care of everyone who reads The Guardian.

For a good article in the Guardian that requires no killing, read Timothy Garton Ash’s introspective column about communism and how it is viewed today versus Nazism.