Bush is looking for Jiang Zemin’s help in disarming North Korea. I dunno if that’s a good idea, since they’re both Commies and thus both want what’s worse for the world. Yes, North Korea is crazier and their dictator is much more funny looking, but you never trust a Red. Maybe this is just Bush’s plan to get both Jiang Zemin and Kim Jong II in the same room as part of negotiations. When he has them both alone, he’ll whip out two .45’s, yell, “You can continue your negotiations in Commie hell!” and then empty the two guns into the surprised dictators. He’ll then drop the guns, and calmly walk out of the room remarking, “I was tough, but fair.” It will make a great anecdote for his autobiography.

You know who is the best public? The American public, that’s who. According to this poll, most know that more gun control isn’t a solution to stopping a sniper. Also, despite the media’s constant attempt to make the NRA look worse than the nazis, the NRA still has a higher approval than disapproval rating. I doubt any other country is as pro-gun as America, and I bet they’d get vastly different polling results.
American Polltaker: I wish to ask you some questions about guns.
Frenchman: Ahh! Guns! Do not hurt me, American! Paris is yours!
American: No, I just wanted you to answer a poll about guns.
Frenchman: Well, I hate guns, you stupid American. I’m not some thuggish cowboy wanting to shoot at everything. We French are much more sophisticated. For instance… Ahh! An insect! Save me, American!
American: It’s just a butterfly.
Frenchman: Quick, kill it with your gun! It is your duty, American!
American: It flew off.
Frenchman: Once again my non-violent diplomacy triumphs!

Gore says we should have a stronger defense against bioterrorism, but you should hear the way he said it.

“I was a bit bitter when you denied me the presidency which is rightfully mine, but I won’t hold it against you, the American people. Oh, and by the way, you might want to strengthen your defense against bioterrorism… though it will be too late! Muh ha ha ha!”

I’m starting to believe that Al Gore is actually the supervillian Tree-Man that the police have been warning about. He looks like a man, but he has the powers and personality of a tree. Police caution that he is an extreme psychopath and should not be voted for under any circumstances.
Okay, I didn’t read the above article, but it was about Al Gore. What are the chances there would have been any important information in it?

What’s up with Russia holding up the Iraq resolution? They say they don’t like the part about the use of force that the U.S. put in there. Why do formerly evil countries like Russia and Germany act all peacenik now? Because they’re still evil, that’s why. They’re busy selling weapons to terrorist nations, and they don’t want to offend their customers by helping America attack Iraq. I’m starting to realize that, if we’re really serious about ending terrorism, we’re going to have to take out most of the world’s government, not just those in the Middle East. If we don’t start regime-changing Europe first, they’re just going to coddle even more countries into becoming terrorists. “But who are we going to replace their governments with,” you ask, “since most of the people in Europe are whiny?” Yes, most are whiny, but I believe there are two or three people in each European country who share American values (maybe four people in some of the larger countries). We will make them kings in exchange for their allegiance. If there isn’t anyone in those countries that we like, we’ll just put some Texan in charge. “But don’t the Europeans have modern militaries that will make it hard for us to just quickly overthrow them?” you also ask. That’s just silly. Why would they have militaries? They never want to use force no matter how right the cause. I’m sure all the European countries defunded their militaries years ago in order to pay for sub-par universal health care and crap like that. Taking over countries in Europe could probably be done with one harshly worded phone call. Additional cost saving could be made by making it a collect call. “Should we call them using 1-800-CALL-ATT?” you inquire. No, that could save them money, and we need to take a harsh stand with them. Also, I don’t want to encourage Carrot-top. “So when do we get back to taking on the countries in the Middle East? I really don’t like those countries.” Soon, after we finish rearranging Europe more to our liking. First, we’ll blow up the Eiffel Tower. “Why blow up the Eiffel Tower?” Because it’s French. Stop asking so many questions.

Jeb Bush has had ads attacking McBride for all his new spending plans for Florida and saying he’ll have to raise taxes for them (perhaps adding the dreaded income tax which Florida thankfully lacks). McBride responded by saying his tax will only be a 50 cent increase on packs of cigarettes. This is a neat new concept: take a group you don’t like and make them pay for everything. I say, though, instead of smokers, we should make liberals pay for everything. Have an extra tax on books by Michael Moore and a subscription to The Nation. The great thing is that they shouldn’t complain since they are supposed to like taxes. We should also force them to clean roads and fill potholes, and, if they complain, that makes them hypocrites since they are supposed to enjoy community service. We should also have liberals pull us around the streets in rickshaws for free. They shouldn’t complain because they should think it’s great people are using pollution free transportation. We should also make them mow our lawns. They can’t complain because… uh… we’ll then lash them with a whip if they do; I want free lawn service and I don’t like liberals.
I used to think we should chase all liberals out of the country; don’t I feel stupid now.

Bush has decided to give diplomacy another try with dealing with Iraq. I guess he was intimidated by Iraq receiving 100% of the vote from a 100% turnout. To me, I would think that means we would have to kill all the Iraqis, because they are all now complicit.
I believe diplomacy means they will take another shot at killing Saddam in his sleep and making it look like a heart attack. Or maybe they’ll make his mustache fall off in public so that he must commit honorable suicide as is the custom in whatever region Iraq is in. I’m just afraid that, by going back to diplomacy, we’ll make Saddam think we’re not serious. The best solution would then be to invade France thus giving us two votes on the U.N. Security Council as I’m sure is dictated by the U.N. charter which I have never read nor heard reference to. Here’s the catch: we’ll use France’s vote to vote against the use of force! At the same time, we’ll cruise missile a random palace in Iraq. This we’ll show Saddam that we’re so serious about using force in Iraq that we’ll defy the U.N. even when that means defying ourselves. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Saddam!