No more worries of pretend crime in Mexico; they’ve banned toy guns. When kids play cops and robbers now, you can be certain those robbers will be unarmed, as extending one’s index finger and saying, “Bang!” now holds the punishment of death by piñata beating. Eventually Mexicans plan on addressing the issue of actual crime, but so far the easiest solution seems to be to escape to America.
A thirteen your old boy in Florida shot and killed his teacher, so of course they are prosecuting the gun. It has yet to express any remorse for how it both killed a man and got a poor youth a murder conviction, and thus I hope they throw the book at it. When guns learn that we will get tough with them too, maybe they’ll think twice about firing a bullet just because someone pulled their trigger.

I saw an interesting article in The Guardian this morning. Simon Tisdall says that Tony Blair’s support for Bush’s war plans are hurting people’s opinion of him. Which people, you ask? The “…76% of Americans who did not vote for George Bush and oppose his Iraq war plans…” Of course, this begs the question: did Tisdall arrive at that number by including just humans in his count or also elves, leprechauns, and the notoriously liberal unicorns, as it is quite obvious that he, like many of those who oppose America and only want “dialogue and diplomacy” with terrorists, are living in a fantasy world. At least this guy put that statement in his opening paragraph so you knew right away to dismiss him as a nut. Just in case Tisdall hadn’t driven home the point that he’s a raving idiot, he later says “And then there is North Korea, which has suddenly, rather conveniently, confessed to WMD offences.” Yeah, you got us, Tisdall, North Korea is in on the plot to invade Iraq. They’re not even really Communist; they just pretend that to help us with our war mongering.
Are there enough mental health care facilities to handle all the anti-Americans, or is that a burgeoning crisis?

So what so we do about North Korea? First we find out they’ve been working on a nuclear weapons program, and now we find out that China, Russia, and Pakistan helped them. Goddamn Commies, former Commies, and… uh… non-Commies. Don’t worry, though, ‘ole Frank has a plan.
We completely ignore this.
That’s right. We just brush it off. Have Bush say it’s not a big deal and we’re focused on Iraq. Then we continue getting our forces built up near Iraq, preparing each day to storm into Baghdad, until finally… POW! We hit North Korea like starving dogs at a pot roast, bombing everything we see. Buildings, bridges, trees, mountains, sheep… anything at random. By lunchtime we should have that government overthrown, and then Bush can come out with a statement, “This is what we do to other countries when they even say ‘nuclear.’ And we don’t care it you say it NU-CLEE-AR or NU-CU-LAR; we’re going to mess you up so good and you’ll wish your country was never founded!” That’ll scare the hell out of the evil people out there. We still have the big Commie, China, left, but don’t worry; I’m working on a plan for that too.

Governor Parris Glendening has banned outdoor shooting in four counties to help stop false sniper alarms. I know it’s a cliché, but, if we can’t fire our guns, then the terrorists really will have already won. I mean, how in the world are we supposed to fight terrorists if we can’t fire our guns outdoors?

I read this article on the Democrats’ views about the economy, and this one quote stuck out.

“The last thing you do when you’re going into a recession is raise taxes,” Gebhardt said at a briefing sponsored by the Economic Policy Institute, a Washington think tank. “You cut taxes.”

I re-read that a couple times. Was Gebhardt saying tax cuts are good? Maybe it’s sarcastic and it just didn’t translate when put to text, but further quotes seem to back up the notion that Gebhardt is for cutting taxes. This points to only one logical conclusion:
Democrats have found a way to use tax cuts to murder us in our sleep!
I don’t know the details yet, but you can be certain that after they get their tax cuts they’ll soon be coming for us to slit our throats during our slumber. This is probably the Democrats’ most diabolical plan yet. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Another successful test of missile defense. Won’t it be so cool when we finally perfect that and can hit any nuclear missile out of the sky? As long as we keep it to ourselves, there goes mutually assured destruction. We can nuke anyone we want and no one can stop us. We won’t even have to use any stupid diplomacy. Hopefully, I can be president by the time we finish and start my new foreign policy plans.
“Hey, China, Taiwan is it’s own country, ya numbnuts. Now, you stop being commies or you’ll no longer be the most populated country.”
“Middle East, you don’t seem to be doing very well with Islam, so you’re now all Unitarians. I’m not too sure what that entails, but hopefully it involves less killing. Try it out for a couple weeks and get back to me.”
“France, you have to rename yourself Wussland. You will be known as the Wussies. Speaking anything other than American slang or watching anything other than American blockbusters is punishable by death.”
“Palestinians, you now get your own country. It’s called Germany. Go there now because the Israelis want to fumigate before they finish settling.”
Man, I can’t wait until missile defense is done. It’ll be like Christmas everyday.
(Thanks to Bill Quick for the link.)