Democrats continue their rampage to destroy America and everything it stands for. First, they won’t let us drill in Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. No one actually believes that environmentalist crap, so the only reasons they could oppose it is that they are being paid off by the Saudi or Iraqi oil markets or that they just insanely hate all Americans and want what’s worse for them. Next, they’re stalling the passage of terrorism insurance because they not only want us all dead, but financially hurt as well. Finally, they keep loading the homeland security bill with the demands of evil unions so that Bush has no power to properly staff those positions and make them effective. Democrats explained, “We hate America and everything it stands for and want all Americans dead. Who we really love are the French. Hopefully, we can keep the terrorists busy attacking you people then all move to our beloved France where we will all sing anti-American songs and wallow in our own evilness.” Actually, the wording of their response to the president was about a balance between flexibility for the president and worker protection, but you know all that stuff about France was implied. Because of the vile plans Democrats have for us Americans, make sure if you see any to immediately report them to the FBI. Also, if you see a donkey, kill it and burn its body.

Saddam Hussein has a sham election today, and it’s just too pathetic. He won the last one with 99.96% of the vote (I wonder what happened to that 0.04%?); why not just give himself 110% of the vote and really impress us? How dumb does he think we are? We’re actually just dumb enough to maybe fall for him getting in the high sixties in the vote, so he should check his ego and rig it thusly. Also, we might believe it more if he had a straw man to run against.
“Hi, I’m Steve Ahmed, and, if I’m elected, I’m going to raise taxes, give away our oil for free, and not gas the Kurds. Why vote for a dedicated, workaholic like Saddam when you can vote for Steve Ahmed in ’02.”
Yeah, yeah, I know: everyone who has never run a sham election believes they’re an expert at it. I really do think all that stuff would make it much more believable, though – not enough to keep us from bombing him dead – but enough to give us slight pause at killing an elected leader.
BTW, what happens if the “no” votes win in the Iraqi election? Do they actually have something written in law for if that occurs? My guess is that Saddam would then kill his entire populace. At least, that’s what I’d do.

In a recent poll, 38% percent of Americans were in favor of annexing Canada as the 51st state. I’d be in favor of the land grab too, but I don’t know an efficient way to relocate all those Canadians. Maybe we could trick them into thinking there is some sort of hockey festival in Europe, and then annex the country while they’re all gone. We could then prevent them from coming back in; that’s what you get for supporting Britain in the Revolutionary War, dinks.
(Thanks to Scrappleface for the link.)

Emperor Misha I is sick. Go tell him to get better soon. Actually, don’t just tell him to get better; demand it! The blogosphere needs him.

A poll shows nearly 70% of Americans don’t want Hillary Clinton to run for president. That sounds good, but it’s like 70% of people saying the proper order is pants, then shoes. What disturbs me is that 30% seem to lack rational thought to know that Hillary is an evil harpy who should be chased away from public life with torches and pitchforks in hand. That’s three in ten people who aren’t horrified at the thought of Hillary Clinton with more power. Luckily, it’s not like they’re evenly distributed throughout society; instead, these people are probably isolated in a few cities where confusing butterfly ballots can be used to disenfranchise them. Still, you could run into one on these wackos on the street, which is yet another of many reasons to carry a firearm.

I found this column by Gary Younge about Sesame Street in other countries pretty interesting. I mean, yeah, Gary Younge is a complete drooling idiot liberal, but once you cut through his dimwitted ideology in this article, there are some interesting facts to learn. Still, I want to give you fair warning and not downplay the total crap you have to drudge through to get to the interesting stuff; I mean, the guy keeps using the word “progressive” over and over, and the least of his mental offensives. Oh, and there’s that part about Palestinian children having trouble liking Israelis because of the tanks outside; what about the Israeli children, Gary, you ass, who actually are the targets of Palestinians? Know what, come to think of it, don’t read the article; it ain’t worth the trouble.
BTW, he mentions the Golden Arches Theory of Conflict Prevention which states that no two countries with McDonalds in them has ever gone to war. Anyone know if that is true?

Today is Columbus Day. This is when we celebrate how Christopher Columbus discovered America, which, frankly, is one of the best things anyone has ever done. Some may say he didn’t really discover it since people were already there, but that doesn’t count because they didn’t know where the hell they were. They also say that Columbus was a bad man because he killed lots of people, but that’s unfair because everyone was a mass-murderer back in the olden days. It was the psychotics back then who never killed anyone; that’s just how things have changed. So IMAO would like to give a shout out to our man Columbus for discovering this great continent, which is the best continent in the world even though it has tornados which is kinda weird. He thought he might fall off the edge of the world, but he pushed onward anyway – maybe because he was brave or maybe because he was insane; whatever reason, he set an example to us all. For it was a perilous journey, one unmatched even by our adventures into space. Not to belittle the Apollo missions, but it’s not like we only heard rumors there was moon we flew out to land on it.

Not only do the Palestinians have to deal with Israeli occupation and the evil evil settlers who are always… uh… settling (believe me; it’s bad), but, on top of that, they keep getting killed from their shoddy Palestinian phones which tend to explode. Poor bastards. We should start a charity to get Palestinians phones that are less demolitions prone – maybe some of those cool flip-top cell phones. We can give them to the Israeli intelligence to distribute as they seem to know who needs phones.

Hearing about the terrorism in Bali, the phrase “suicide bombing” sounds even more redundant. Everything the Islamic terrorists do is self-detrimental. By attacking foreigners in Indonesia, they’re going to make other countries stay away and thus have Indonesia’s economy fall even further. If we were really evil, we’d all pull out of the Middle East and all other Muslim countries, getting all the Jews in Israel to leave as well, and completely isolate them, letting them fester and die in their own corruptness. If we were a bit nicer than that, we’d nuke them. But there are no easy options for us because we are the good guys. We take being one nation under God as meaning we can’t just kill everyone we don’t like; instead we have to do our best to help others… even if they’re ignorant assholes. It ain’t easy being the good guys – especially when everyone hates you – but one should thank God we are the way we are and thus try use our powers for good instead of evil. What if Superman, instead of being raised in a small Midwest town, had originally landed in Marin County, California? The U.S. could have killed all our enemies by now and taken over the world Nazi-style, but we were just raised better than that.

Originally when I heard that Carter had won the Nobel Peace Prize, I ridiculed the notion. Having reflected on it further, I have to take back my words. If Carter weren’t so inept in office, Ronald Reagan probably would not have been elected, and thus the Cold War would still be ongoing. Carter was the one person most responsible for Reagan getting the presidency, and, for that alone, his legacy should be known as one that led to collapse of the Soviet Union and, eventually, to Communism itself. Thank you, Carter.

Mean Mr. Mustard has moved to his own URL and is now using Movable Type. He is still at Berkeley, though. Update your links and give him a look see. Maybe now he can be promoted to Colonel (if I’m the first one to make that joke, I deserve a prize).

I’ve decided to be racist against Arabs now. The only thing is that I’ve never been racist before, so I’m not sure how to approach this. My first problem is that I’m not sure who’s technically an Arab. I keep hearing how this and that Muslim group in the Middle East are not really Arabs, so I’m really confused. How can I properly identify an Arab so I know to be racist against them? And are the Palestinians and the Saudis all Arabs? Because, if they aren’t, then screw it; I’ll just go back to being tolerant.

Politicians have learned that turning against guns harms them politically, so many former anti-gun nazis are pretending to like guns now. John Lott has a story about Ed Rendell, the Democratic guber candidate in Pennsylvania, that reminds us that, even though the anti-gun people act nice now, vomitous oil still oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-size brains which still fantasize about confiscating our guns. I’m not saying an anti-gunner can’t ever reform, I’m just saying that, like an ex-KKK member, they should prove themselves by acts outside of politics. So, if a former enemy of freedom starts talking how he likes hunters now, do listen politely, but keep your hand near your holster.