Because you’ve all been some good readers, here are some Frank Answers™.
Bryan, who is from Sarramento, writes:
My name’s Bryan and I’m from Sacramento. Since I view your opinion as fact, I’ve decided to ask you which university should I attend next year: UC Berkeley or UC San Diego?
I’d be majoring in computer science and have been accepted to both.
Let’s see.
…
Heads. That means UC Berkeley.
There, I have spoken! If you do not go by my advice, your future will be worthless! You might want to ask BerkeleyGirl and BerkeleyChick about it to get yourself prepared. I think they go to Berkeley (BTW, everyone will finally get to see what they look like tomorrow).
Wes asks:
If John Kerry were to be split in two, would one be conservative and one liberal, or would they just be twice as liberal as before? Also, if it’s the latter, and if they were to be rammed into each other at high speed, could a critical mass of liberalism be achieved?
Also, if John Kerry was cultured into viral form, how would he be transmitted, and what symptoms would the he have?
If John Kerry were split in two, he would probably bleed to death. As for ramming the two halves together at high speed, that’s just silly.
The John Kerry virus would probably be like Alzheimer’s, but only make you forget your political positions. I’m not sure how it would be transmitted, but I’d hope we’d have biowar task forces to keep it from getting airborne.
Jason H from Austin, Texas, land of road kill and living hippies, writes:
Frank, I noticed that the US Marines are now kicking serious ass in Iraq. I’m curious, what do you think the IQs are of the insurgers? Unfortunately, we can’t give them an IQ test because they’ll be dead. Is there any other way of finding out the average intelligence of the insurgers? Thanks.
Technically, the IQ of a dead insurgent is 0, but, if you want to know what their marginally higher intelligence was before they got a Marine welcome, I think there is a method to measure IQ based on the pattern of how their brains splattered on the wall.
Then again, maybe I’m thinking of the Rorschach test. Those ink blots always looked like splattered brains to me.
Jason asks:
Frank, I just mentioned Hitler’s suicide in a previous e-mail to friends of mine. It got me thinking. Is it possible that Hitler killed himself because he had been married just an hour or so before or was it really because the Soviets were 300 yards away from his bunker? I think some historians are overlooking the ‘marriage quotient’ in Hitler’s death.
To answer that, I’ll have to use the scientific method and get married to see if that makes me suicidal.
–
This may take some time. I’ll get back to you.
Please keep the questions coming (I would especially like more science and math questions), <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
FIRST!
/delurk
what happened to all the pooping of the pants Frank?
I wouldnt know a damn thing about marriage, but just look @ all the unhappy marriages out there…. so many of those people MUST be suicidal. Just my opinion
marriage is the leading cause of divorce 🙂
Frank- I’m so confused. Can you please tell me how to distinguish a medal from a ribbon? Also, how do I tell if it’s mine or someone else’s?
dave,
Questions must be submitted to me in a formal fashion.
What in the hell are you telling a republican to go to Berkeley for?
You’ll probably convert the poor bastard!
Dan,
You’ve got to take the fight to the enemy!
Berkely, Frank? What the hell were you thinking?! You can’t walk two feet without tripping over some dirty smelly singing protesting hippie. The poor guy won’t stand a chance… without some serious firepower.
Not only do I got to Cal (what those in the know call Berkeley), but I’m also from San Diego! My expert opinion is go to Cal because it’s a better, cooler school, but go far, far away as soon as you get your diploma. And really, if someone is a true conservative, then going to Berkeley will just make you even more hard-core. It’s like the saying that you’re never more American than when you go abroad. You never realize how evil a liberal world would be until you see the possibilities here, and it’ll make you a believer forever. Plus, UCSD doesn’t even have a football team. That really should be enough to send you to Cal. =) Go Bears!!
And they also get you to HATE Stanford!
Grin Conservative take over!
Wake Forest is too damn conservative. There’s only one dorm of liberal kids, and they’re all weird and skinny and you feel bad making fun of them. I wish I went to a more liberal school, where they could put up a fair fight. I feel like I’m missing something in my college experience by not having to deal with constant liberalism.
Actually, you get to hate Stanfurd. That’s the proper spelling =)
hehehe… I like that IQ test.
I agree with the choice of colleges… take the battle to the enemy. If going to Berkeley converts you to a liberal, you probably weren’t cut out to be a conservative in the first place.
My grand plan is to retire early and then go back and get the degrees I want to get, both for my own personal growth, and also to really be a pain in the ass of all the hippy professors in the Philosophy, English and Psych departments.
I’ll be 40 year old college kid with an attitude! I bet I’ll get all the chicks! 😛
Frank, I hate to point this out… actually I relish it because I enjoy it when others make mistakes… ahem anywho:
Your Hitler suicide scientific research is flawed. In order to determine if marriage or impending Soviet capture was the cause of Hitler’s suicide, you would have to get married in a bunker and stay married for an hour. Then, you would have to get divorced, and find some Soviet soldiers to surround your bunker. Finally, as a control, you would just have to sit in the bunker doing nothing for an hour.
If I remember correctly, there is a listing on the IQ chart that mentions “Shoots at Marines” as an intelligence level. Pretty low, if I remember correctly. I mean, think about it: have you ever seen a worm shoot at a marine?
Exactly what BerkeleyChick said (hehe, we think so much alike! No wonder I like ya so much 😉 ) Although it does take a bit of adjusting when you first get to Cal, we have a great Republican club (voted #1 in the nation! go us!) AND we have our magazine… http://www.calpatriot.org, go read it. NOW. 🙂 But if you have any questions about Cal, feel free to email cuz email makes me happy.
And krakatoa, I think you have the right idea- in both the converting to liberalism and the punk “kid” in college.
Oh and nobody look at my picture tomorrow cuz I look like a big dork 🙁
BerkeleyGirl,
you don’t look like a big dork. You’re one of many great entrants. It will be quite suspensful to find who wins.
random info: statistically speaking married women are more prone to depression than married men. married men = happ(y)ier.
I guess that Hitler disproved the “married men live longer” thing
Or, maybe as Einstein might have observed, “married men don’t live longer, it just SEEMS longer…”
Aw, thanks Frank 🙂
Oh and again for Bryan- Cal has one of the best computer science programs in the nation. It’s really intense, but if that’s what you want to do, then definitely go to Berkeley. That and Cal is by far the best UC (not that I’m prejudiced or anything…)
I think rockynoggin has a good point, but where are you going to find Soviet soldiers? Maybe you’d have to improvise with monkeys.
Okay, here’s my two cents tossed in the ring: I got a BA in History from UCSD in 1979, and back then at least the school was overrun by hippy dippy Commie asswipes. And nope, I’m not being histrionic about the Commie part – of course it was still fashionable to cheer the impending doom of Western individualistic capitalist society, which was, like, soooo racist, maaaan. There were maybe fifty hard core Communist dickwads, and they belonged to about fifty two different organizations, none of which would talk to the others and which were always coalescing and splintering. Much like the Judean Peoples’ Front. Then there were about a zillion spoiled middle class kids going to school on Daddy’s dime, pissed off at the injustice of AmeriKKKa and its insistence on totally bogus criteria, like living your own damn life you slacker twerp…
Uh, sorry. But the point is, unless there’s been a major change in demographic in the past quarter century, you’ll find a huge seething mass of clueless, disconnected squishy, touchy feely wienies at San Diego.
Plus the beaches are better than the Bay Area.
Since Frank blocked comments on the Babe contest… I’ll comment here!
Berkeley Girl all the way!! 🙂
Yay, at least I got one vote :)…
wait a sec, you’re not actually a judge. Damn.
‘Bama! Got a much better football team…errrr–ummmm when they are out of jail, there are good.
Rooooooooooooooooll Tide, Roll!