Preparations

Use pad X-3
88 68 6e 16 9d f2 8b e0 13 6e c2 A8 0c 2b a4 5c
55 03 a5 c0 ec 9b fb 51 da 7b ec ef f5 6c 2d 1e
74 26 cf 1c 58 5f 10 44 fc e9 a4 76 69 46 17 91
1a d7 c6 57 ad b7 6b bf aa af 8e b3 10 ed 3f bd
84 dd 09 6c 15 19 d8 92 39 49 76 95 56 44 07 5c
5b 41 23 85 a8 ca a0 23 4f b2 6d 4d 49 4b 7d 22
a0 b2 2c bf 0b c5 27 6c cb 1a 30 00 a8 48 38 4e
65 e8 45 ce 64 cd 8c 31 b3 6b 06 d4 3d de ea a0
0d 27 b2 38 76 e0 66 eb 94 c0 02 b9 60 79 78 08
67 df 00 69 ab 53 a7 48 ad da 98 5a 90 4a cc 18
84 d4 98 95 GO d8 04 1e e4 d7 df 55 10 34 c1 97
89 dd e4 04 d2 a5 a5 39 78 bf 5b bf 9c 40 b9 45
8a 6f 69 0f ff 2e e8 29 b0 bd 0a 65 ee 65 cc 01
95 1a 22 8a 16 90 be 4c cb 38 48 66 58 a9 8d b5
f5 36 04 64 70 a7 7d af df 5d 5e dd 71 9c 34 f2
59 f2 fc e7 58 d6 e6 c2 7e e8 8c 6b 37 56 58 b3
c9 3b ce 40 52 00 ca 10 f0 16 e5 08 d0 05 1b 90
9a 1b 9e 0f 01 54 99 30 b2 43 b1 28 83 40 55 d4
e4 f5 6c a8 c4 d7 79 64 a6 bf 74 24 a9 f0 5d c6
ef 11 40 97 b1 ba e9 26 d2 70 3d 8f e5 d7 ad eb
50 e5 92 2b 20 6d 71 0e 5c 49 50 d6 a2 8a 0e 7f
0f 84 fb e2 b0 78 ac 65 02 e8 7b 12 e2 b2 1a 50
fc 3c 9f 57 0a d5 fb 51 42 48 d9 34 a7 2d 8e 18
09 83 4a 79 09 2d 96 68 d0 f3 f1 c7 f1 dd bc 7c
fb 29 9b 42 89 66 17 83 4a 36 3f 08 1d 41 78 46
a1 37 43 da 72 25 f9 4e fe da be 61 bd 3f 06 d2
f1 c2 8c dd 3d 15 dd 1b 59 4f 26 ed 53 95 7f a4
65 06 ed cd 7e 03 d0 1d 02 0e cb 0c 1d 6f c4 39
3d 99 b2 c4 bf fe f0 bd 17 27 48 35 39 ca b0 ef
74 b7 b1 4d fe 1b 54 6b 40 23 ce 03 15 33 e0 7e
d7 0a 42 fa 09 44 ae 06 60 13 09 29 45 4d 42 ca
d0 ad 1c 0b 73 ad 80 6d cf 8e 1d 98 a9 b0 2a 4d
INSTRUCTIONS: Open the Microsoft Calculator. Set View to Scientific. Select Hex and Byte in the radio buttons at top. Since the same two bytes XOR’d together equals zero, start where the code above begins to differ from the pad. Enter the byte from the code and then Xor it with the byte from the same position on your one time pad. Write down results. Your results should be hex that translates to ASCII test (table here; second column is hex). I used all caps, so, if you’re doing it right, what you decrypt the code to should mainly lay between 0x41 and 0x5a (with 0x20 for a space, 0x2c for a comma, 0x2e for a period, 0x22 for quotes, and 0x2d for a dash). I must have accidentally skipped to lines, so two rows of the code within in the message will match up exactly with the pad and can be ignored (anything that XOR’s to 0x00 can be ignored). Hopefully I didn’t mess up so much that this is unreadable. I’ll try to make future instructions shorter, but this is necessary preparation.
If some hacker out there wants to write a program to enter in two sets of 512 bytes and output ASCII text (discarding all 0x00) that would be appreciated.
Remember the first two rules of the Frank J. Fan Club…
UPDATE: This may be just a little too tedious (it was much more tedious encrypting the message, I assure you) so I may put preps on hold until I can get a program to do this automatically. Whatever you do, don’t e-mail me what you were able to decrypt.
FIRST AND SECOND RULES!!!

Super Happy Index

John Kerry came out with a new misery index to try and convince us we’re all miserable, but a higher number on it means less misery. That’s wacky.
I decided to make my own index. A higher number means less misery on mine, too, so I call it the “Super Happy Index”. Zero is suicidal unhappy, while it will only reach negative numbers if you live in another country. What makes my index different from others is it’s an inverse to the misery of our enemies and takes in such factors as whether the president is named Ronald Reagan.
Super Happy Index

Word War Jew

If you’ve been following the controversy, the number one google search terms for “Jew” has been an anti-Semitic site, so some bloggers have been trying to google-bomb the wikipedia entry for Jew to the top and have succeeded… for short periods of time.
Google refuses to remove the anti-Semitic site as the first search result even though they’ve removed other search results in the past. They have what sounds like a legitimate reasons for it, but Best of the Web yesterday poked some holes in that.
Guess, though, who is the first return results for “joooos”? Yeah, that’s right.
Hey, if we tried to google-bomb a term with a google search for that term (like evil monkeys), could we cause an infinite google loop and crash google? Hmmm…
UPDATE: Google now has an explanation of the Jew search result.