John Kerry came out with a new misery index to try and convince us we’re all miserable, but a higher number on it means less misery. That’s wacky.
I decided to make my own index. A higher number means less misery on mine, too, so I call it the “Super Happy Index”. Zero is suicidal unhappy, while it will only reach negative numbers if you live in another country. What makes my index different from others is it’s an inverse to the misery of our enemies and takes in such factors as whether the president is named Ronald Reagan.
Super Happy Index
genius…things seem more clear to me in a super happy way…except the shark. WTF? Where did that shark come from….a loan shark frank? Put the shark by your colledge time then.
First!
to witness yet more of the genius of Frank J.
Ugh! Now I know how Al Gore felt!
ha
I’m sorry Frank, but I have to dispute the end of your graph. Under “We fight back” you have the graph climbing significantly high.
I think you forgot to factor in the “hippy whine” index, which also corresponds with the “inability to shoot hippies” index. Both of these would limit the climb of the overall Super Happy Index.
Otherwise, as many have said, genius.
With handwriting like that you should’ve been a doctor Frank.
Beautiful.
Yeah…my happiness index dropped when I moved to Jersey too. Luckily I am moving away from there in 2 weeks. woohoo!
You get a gold star.
I’m putting a copy on my fridge.
They’re cute when they’re little.
I do like Kerry’s version of a misery index for one reason, it states that there is a limit to misery, zero. I guess there is a time when it could not get any worse.
I do like Kerry’s version of a misery index for one reason, it states that there is a limit to misery, zero. I guess there is a time when it could not get any worse.
Yay! Deathstar! I bet you made the spaceship noise from the movie when you drew the x-wing and the tie-fighter. When the Return of the Jedi came out that definitely pushed my Happiness Index up. I was in LOVE with Luke Skywalker. I might have been a tomboy growing up but… Luke Skywalker…mmmm. Who else had the Millenium Falcon spaceship? My brother and I fought over that constantly.
Kerry is trying to be slick by inverting his misery index.
If everybody is happy because of Bush’s policies, he can go ahead and say “My misery index is at it’s highest its ever been” and it would sound like a bad thing!
What a slimeball!!
No way….Han Solo was hot! He had that smart-ass factor. I’ll be the first to admit Harrison Ford hasn’t exactly aged gracefully but as Han Solo? Mmmmmmm…..and another mmmmmmmm just for good measure.
I’m with Lara. Luke was a whiny bitch. Han was a MAN.
L…whiny bitch! That’s the phrase I was looking for! He was definitely whiny…whining about power converters, chores, cleaning droids, leaving home, trying to boss Han around on the Falcon…
Luke=Kerry
Your mind is a scary scary place, Frank.
You guys hate my Luke??? Cut Luke a little slack, you would whine if Anakin Skywalker was your dad too, (we know what a whiner ~he~ turned out to be!!) Luke was too whiney in ESB but the beauty of it all is by the time he came back in ROTJ he was all growed up. I was pretty young when ROTJ came out and I just thought that Han Solo was crusty and rude. When I got older I realized maybe there was something to his bluster. I also rather liked Lando.
El Jefe:
I don’t think Kerry would ever have been able to confront the Emperor or Darth Vader. If ~his~ hand had been cut off, he would have just applied to go home.
“I was in Star Was”
— John Kerry
dnamti I kihnt pslel!
I love the mean shark 😉
I was getting pretty close to that infinity point at Newt revolution…
Those pictures of tie and x-wing fighters look suspiciously like my 7-yr-old son’s.
excellent, Frank. I’m going to print it out and hang it on my wall.
i like the shark
ROFLMAO at El Jefe’s comment about JK saying he fought in SW. Actually, he fought in the Clone Wars. Maybe a reason he’s so bitter is he served under JarJar Binks? snerk
John Kerry, 1985: “George Lucas is a genius!”
John Kerry, 2004: “George Lucas is a tool.”
it’s the flip-flop that binds us all.
Was the “by Frank J, age 24” inspired by the picture Fry drew of the rocket ship in Futurama with “Phillip J Fry, age 20” on it?
yes, I’ve seen him steal a few things from Futurama. it warrants consideration.
When i saw this I spit up my coffee. And I haven’t had coffee in two hours. Frank, you are insane. Please stay that way. The Death Star in the corner just had me in tears. Why don’t government graphs use artwork so creatively.
Is the secret letter coming soon? It’s awfully late here in the middle of the Atlantic. It’s also hard to maintain an internet connection when the nearest tower is a couple thousands miles off. It does help, though, that water is an excellent conductor, though not very accurate. Too many conflicting waves.
Anyways, you should not care about the happy index nor the misery index. The real index is the cough index. It’s a proven fact (link) that the more coughing America does, the more likely it is to vote for either the green party or the socialist party. Of course, when every American has a different cough index, they generally vote for someone whose first initial is J or whose last initial is K, since they obviously need unity that can only be brought on by the 10th or 11th letter of the alphabet.
Chris D.,
I just got the Futurama Season 3 and watched that episode, so yeah… but it was supposed to resemble the way a kid titles a drawing.
OT, but frank, are you a registered farker? If so, do you post often and what is your login. Just curious. and this is hysterical.
The only mif is that Carter is more miserable than Clinton on the Index. I think once you factor in the fact that even after the USSR was dead, the almost won in the Clinton years it raises it to record heights.
24? I’m starting to feel like the old guy in the bar…
24? I’m starting to feel like the old guy in the bar…
one more thing, frank… I tried to sign up for your fan club dealie, but it didn’t work. Can I get a late start? 🙂 pretty please?
I’ll wash your car for you, next time i’m in florida…
Great work. That secret message entry gave me a headache to look at, but the shark made it all better.
spork man speaks for me as well. The website said something like, “We’re overloaded douchebag” so I didn’t get in 🙁
“Chris D.,
I just got the Futurama Season 3 and watched that episode, so yeah… but it was supposed to resemble the way a kid titles a drawing.”
I have that DVD too. I think it’s my favorite season, because it doesn’t have Al Gore.
I guess that’s a no for us, Me…
sniffles
we’re screwed, man! let’s form our own fan club. Those Not Cool Enough To Be Frank J’s Fans.
has a nice ring to it eh
Everybody, everybody,
I need your help again.
I have found more pictures showing the face of the insurgents that have made Thomas Hamill and Pfc. Keith Maupin hostages.
As I don’t live in the US, I need you to contact your local FBI or anyone who could help to track the insurgents.
The life of those men are in your hands kids, so please, do something to save their lives.