The Limey has written back, singling out even more of you, my readers, for condemnation (you have to hand it to him; he knows how to play to the audience), speaks more ominously of the socialist D-Day, and finally reveals his age. So, tune in tomorrow for the next episode of…
THE LIMEY!
Archive of entries posted on 13th April 2004
Our Military VII
I’m starting to run out of anecdotes, so, if you have any more, e-mail me with the subject “Military”. I’m trying to get some from my non-lazy Dad from his experiences in Germany and Vietnam, and I’ll see if my lazy brother Joe foo’ the Marine has anything to say from his tank experience.
Scott from the State of North Carolina writes in defense of the Air Force and inter-branch harmony:
I’ve got to defend the Air Force a little here. I realize the majority of people in the Air Force are not required to bring the battle to the enemy on the ground and will never be asked to do so. Our people are well taken care of and, by everyone’s admission; we contain the some of the brightest enlisted and officer corps of all the services.
I’ve partaken in a little service rivalry from time to time, but I will never forget the honor of the Marines, the ruggedness of the Army or the perseverance of the Navy (what else would you call six months away from friends and family) because it’s all done in good fun, for the most part. But I’ve got to take issue with the comment about how silly it was that the AF NCOs were taking out trash. As an NCO, I lead my troops, they are not my servants, and I never ask them to do anything I would not do myself, I would not belittle them and refuse to take out the trash because it was “below me”. We don’t have a huge amount of lower enlisted men and women, our people are busy and overworked, we do what we have to do to make things happen, if I have to take out the trash to take some of the burden off my airmen, I will do so. I’ve been told by leaders I respect that my airmen have only been loaned to me, and it is my responsibility to return them in the same or better shape than when they arrived.
I know some Marine NCOs, Army NCOs and Naval NCOs, and most I have known would agree with me. There are some in every branch that sink to the level that their troops are there to serve them, but, in my experience, they never make it too far and they are not well respected among their peers.
Why focus on how good you are at pool and being a dick to fellow servicemen when your branch has taken part in the great struggles of this nation and obtained victory? Why sneer about someone with more rank than you taking out the trash when your service was named “Devildogs” by its greatest enemies?
Service rivalry is a good thing and those who have served should take part, but don’t forget where you come from and don’t brag about your toughness, actions speak louder than words. Recent events prove as much, Marines have balls of steel, they don’t need to tell us that fact. Service members should provide insight not vitriol for this forum.
One other thing, there is no Sergeant rank in the Air Force, that’s a Senior Airman (E-4), and that rank is the same as a Corporal. In the good ole days there were Buck Sergeants, but that rank no longer exists. A Staff Sergeant (E-5) in the Air Force equals a Sergeant in the Marines and there is no such thing as a Master Technical Sergeant. There is a Technical Sergeant (E-6) and a Master Sergeant (E-7).
Just my two cents.
Timmer has some good things (and a few bad things) to say about all the branches of the military:
Master Sergeant, United States Air Force, I’ll have 20 years in July and the last 6 years have been in joint assignments so I’ve been around all branches of the service, not just my own near and dear Air Force.
First of all, without a doubt, the United States has the best armed forces in the world. Why? Because we’re Americans and as Americans we never lose our sense of independence and our ability to, ummm, adapt the rules when they’re in the way of getting the job done. If we’d ever gone against the Soviets, we’d have been hurt, but we’d have won. All we had to do was take out their officers and they’d have been clueless.
There isn’t an American enlisted person who doesn’t KNOW that they’ve got a better idea. I know that most of the world considers us arrogant, I just refuse to aplogize for having our act together.
Air Force. Enlisted corps is mostly made up of very smart and smart assed personnel. The smart assed part never quite wears off. However, after a deployment or a Temporary Duty or a short tour to locations unpleasant, they also usually get it. What’s “it?” It is knowing that what you’re doing affects a LOT of different people and if you screw up, someone could die, or worse, not get paid. We’re in the country club of the armed forces and we know it. A lot of that comes from not carrying a gun and/or getting shot at very often. We have the best food. We have the best quarters. We also work on multi-million dollar systems and have more and take more responsibility than some other branches.
Air Force Officers trust their enlisted personnel with their lives and their careers. We live up to that or we get out or we get asked to leave. It’s not our job to be “hard core.” It’s our job to make sure the systems we work on are hard core.
Navy. They’re smart and they know it. They somehow think that crusing around the ocean all crammed together makes them better at what they do,
having never done that, I’ll not give judgement. I will say their
Senior Non Coms have got it right. They run things, they know it, so does everyone else including the Captain of the boat. Navy Officers are stuffier than other officers. Some of them simply don’t know how to relax around their enlisted folks. Oh…and submariners and carrier squids are crazy. No, really. Bubbleheads (submariners) are just plain weird. And Carrier Operations make us Air Force types cringe. 18 hours of non-stop air operations on a boat?! IN-FREAKING-SANE! I’m glad they’re out there.
Army. Two kinds of enlisted folks. The dumb ones and the wicked smart ones who act dumb. Never underestimate the Army. The quiet guy who’s been acting clueless for the past six months will come up with just the right way to work a problem just when it matters. Army officers trust their enlisted folks once they figure out what kind they have. The Army does have an annoying habit of “banishing” their truly clueless to the staff level. Not all of them, they don’t want to make it obvious, but the deal is, if they can’t make it in the field, then they sort of get recommended to a staff job. Having known Army guys off-duty, I know they find this funny.
Marines. I’ve worked for Marines and I’ve worked with Marines and I’ve had Marines work for me. Read this carefully and try to understand it fully. Absolutely nobody does it better than the Marines. Their officers trust their NCOs from ALL branches of the servie without hesitation and have very high expectations. They’re hard to work for, but you know exactly what they expect and they’re better at sharing credit on a project than any other officers I’ve ever met. Working with Marines can be hard, they’re freaking tireless. Supervisiing Marines is an absolute joy. They do what they’re told when they’re told to do it and they never question their orders. That makes supervising them very difficult too. You have to be careful what you say…they may think it’s an order.
Finally, Mike write about Dolly Parton and the misunderstood coolness of tanks:
Hi Frank,
I’ve got a couple of items.
Dolly Parton is something of a military icon. Two examples I’m aware of: the Russians came out with an improved t-72 that had extra armor on the turret front, which made two noticable bulges. It was dubbed the “Dolly Parton Special.” At Ft. Hood, on one of the tank ranges, there is a large, round hill. It is named, naturally, “Dolly Parton.” I bet Dolly would get a kick out of this.
Here’s an amusing tale, for your “dumb-ass tankers”
file. My Guard tank company was on a range for gunnery qualification (at the above mentioned range, in fact). I was hanging out with some of my buddies in our sleeping area when this Deuce-and-a-half drove by. In it were a bunch of female soldiers (who, we found out later, were nurses). They drove by slowly, and we all stared at each other. Then they continued on down to a covered structure that we used as a briefing and eating area. They got out there and hung out with the guys who were observing tanks. Then they left abruptly. We found out later what happened.
Everything was all nice and flirty until a tank in the first firing position fired. This position was VERY close, and thus very loud. All the tankers started yelling “Woooo!” “Hooo-ah!” “Yeee-haw!” and similar sentiments. Meanwhile, the nurses nearly flinched out of their skins and covered their delicate ears. One more round, and they’d had enough and split. The tankers shrugged and went back to cheering the big booms.
One of the guys made a recording of one of the crews in action (there was a radio monitoring their intercom, for evaluation), and got a great sound of the tank firing. A long, reverberating “booooooooom!”
He took this tape to parties. He said other people (i.e. non-tankers) didn’t seem to understand why it was so cool.
Bite-Sized Wisdom: No Respect, Misery, Dumb-Ass Royals, Beer is Good for You, T.V. Breaking Monkeys, and I Got a Scanner
- No Good Deed Goes Unpunished: Why do people want to piss us off? Don’t they know no one has more killing power than the U.S. of A.? Do they really want to know how far we can go? Now we have an Iraqi cleric saying we have to pay for instigating the current crisis in Iraq. G.M. Chrysler, what gall! Saddam was oppressing these people, and now, having saved them from that tyranny, a number of them are now angry at us? I guess it’s always too lofty a goal to get people to like us. Frankly, I’m fine with people hating us as long as they aren’t trying to kill us. And, if we can get them living in a free society to boot, all the better. Being liked is for Old Europe; our goal should be to do good.
- Dude, I’m Like Totally Devout: Is it just me, or does Sadr look more like a stoner from college who should be nicknamed Munchie than a religious leader? Frankly, I think you could find a better cleric scouting a pool hall.
- John Who?: I wanted to say something about Kerry, but he hasn’t done anything worth noting. Good for him.
- Miserable Numbers: Oh wait, he decided the misery index we’ve been using for decades makes Bush look too good so he fiddled around with a number of variables until he could make some misery index that makes Bush look bad. Wow, I thought I was doing well this year, but, according to John Kerry’s numbers, I’m miserable. Well, you got vote, jackass.
- Try Not Inhaling Water: Here in the sunny state of Florida, the government is doing more to prevent drownings. I just want to make it clear that we here at IMAO (meaning me) are against drownings. Thank you.
- In America, We Hate Kings: The Spanish prince is a douche. He’s all complaining because he had to get searched at an airport like everyone else (actually, he got VIP treatment). I think in America, where we threw off monarchies, we should treat princes even worse than regular people. All kings get wedgies when they come to the States, I say. You want to be some dumbass monarch, then stay in your own medieval country.
- Make My Dream a Reality: Reader Rocco M. pointed out this story about this ebay auction to send 22 pound of whatever you want to the moon and pointed how this is my opportunity to nuke the moon! All I have to do is get 6 million and a nuclear weapon by the end of the day…
- Evil Monkeys for Kerry: John Kerry’s website made the dumb mistake of letting anyone make a supporter page, and some bloggers took advantage of that. If only I had jumped on the opportunity…
- Indeed: Ever notice how much I like ellipses…
- IMAO in Pictures: Jason Walker liked my comparison of Vietnam to Iraq, so he made this animated GIF. I think IMAO has a lot of potential as either live action or animated; don’t any wealthy producers read this site?
- See Post Title: Guinness, the official beer of IMAO, is good for you. Cool. I hope the next study shows that nothing makes you healthier than Taco Bell, and I’m set.
There’s always all these studies coming out saying how practically everything both prevents and causes some disease, and some may conclude you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. I say consume whatever the hell you want, and all the benefits and defects should even out in the end. [Ed. Note: This theory is not supported by any scientific evidence and is condemned by most nutritionists] - Probably Wouldn’t Be Allowed by my HOA: Now here is a mailbox. Personally, if I were a mailman, I’d be a little afraid to open that.
- Monkey News I: A Hong Kong woman is suing the government over a monkey destroying her T.V. I don’t know how strict a constitutionalists you all are, but, I think of all the basic services the federal government should do, one of them is keeping monkeys away from our T.V.’s. I mean, I have an expensive surge protector connected to my wide screen, but the closest thing I have to a monkey protector is a shotgun.
- Monkey News II: Scientist in London are saying people should talk like chimps. This is extremely subversive and must be stopped. I’m not saying we should break off relations with one of our closest allies, but the threat should be there. This can not spread, as it is exactly what the monkeys want. Once we talk like them, then we’ll come to accept them, and then we’ll elect them to high office, and then they’ll raise capital gains taxes just before I sell my house. It’s history repeating itself all over again.
- Glass Jaw: Man, I used to love this old Nintendo game, but it was so long since I played it, I forgot that John Kerry was in it. (sent in by Salieri)
* Frank Joins the 21st Century: I finally got a scanner, so, to celebrate, I searched through my two volume set of the entire Far Side collection to find my all time favorite far side comic and scan it. Ended up it was halfway through the second volume (damn that took a long time). Anyway, here it is. - The Tralse: Also, now that I have a scanner, I’ll show you one of my greatest inventions. Now, we’ve all had true/false tests. Some have you put an ‘F’ or a ‘T’ next to the statement, but then some teachers found it was easy to fudge it and make something that looks halfway between the two letters. So, those teachers make you spell out the whole word. That got me thinking: is there anyway to fudge the entire word?
The answer is the Tralse:

Basically, you fudge the first letter as normal, then you begin to write the letters “rue” in cursive, making the ‘r’ a bit curved so it might be an a and extending the first half of the ‘u’ so it could also be seen as an ‘ls’.
Now we run into the supervillian paradox: The reason there aren’t actually any supervillians is because, if someone was smart enough to be one, he could make money legally. And I, smart enough to make the tralse, never needed to cheat on a test because I always knew the answers. I’d sure love to hear of someone in either high school or college who is stumped on one question in a true/false test trying this out and telling me what happens, though. - Let’s Go Clubbing: Canadians have gone back to killing cute little baby seals, seeking out and destroying them just like they aren’t doing terrorists. I’m so torn. I don’t like Canadians, because, well, they’re Canadians and God made them for us to pick on. But I also don’t like baby seal just because they’re always breaking into building and trashing places and robbing liquor stores. So who do I side with? I think I’ll side with the seals, because I’ve never gotten pissed off by accidentally getting seal money as change.
- They Just Want Attention and They Don’t Care What Kind It Is: INDC journal has pictures from another one of those dumb anti-war/anti-America/anti-humanity protests, but this time some Iraqis confront the hippies to mix things up. “Pacifists” used to not like people being killed (or, at least, that was the propaganda), but these guys seem to have lost their way. Here’s a radical solution: ignore them. The debate is not helped by the input of jobless idiots who like to yell. When you see protestors, instead of beating up the hippies like normal, beat up the reporters covering them (their co-dependents). Then we’ll have peace.
- Fan Club E-Mail: To all the people who signed up for the fan club, I’m going to learn to set up a proper e-mail list and send it out again. Then we’ll get to [rest of message blacked out]
- One Last Thing: Remember: Bush is on T.V. tonight. My advice to him is to remember that the press is your enemy and they want to destroy you. I’d come out and immediately hit a few with a bat which should itimidate them from being too negative. Unfortunately, violence is the only language they understand (well, the only one worth talking to them in).
