STARRING
Tony Pentin as The Limey
Frank J. as American Frank
Created by Stupiud Bastrad Productions
Broadcast by the BBC
Logo by Tom Bux of The Nap Room
Previous Episodes:
Episode I: The Limey
Episode II: Return of The Limey
Episode III: The Red Letter
Episode IV: Jokes and Murder
Episode V: The Lime Turns Sour
Episode VI: Bloody Fascism
Episode VII: Lime Another Day
Episode VIII: The Good, the Bad, and the Limey

In order to meet broadcast standards and make this appropriate for The Children™, all profanity has been dubbed over. Also, an inappropriate reference to American Frank’s and a reader’s mother (“mum” in his words) have each been dubbed over with something completely different.
As we join The Limey, he has now accepted the newly dubbed “Socialist Frank” and writes a letter of congratulations:

Hello ronin. Do you like the red background? [Ed note: This, as most of his previous, was sent with a red background] I will start this email by praising the continued had work and dedication of the democratic left-of-centre coalition which I lead. XTREME ONE, Carl, The Spanish Militant and Johnny Depp won’t be bullied by the thugs on your website, ronin. Seeing as there is no chance that you will stop referring to me as “The Limey” in your responses, then I will continue to refer to you as Frank the ronin. Patooey on you!
I recommend you and your fellow monsters visit Cardiff City Football Club’s official website. There you and your isolated ronin friends will see a true sport. A sport superior to that terrible baseball. Everyone knows that baseball is a rip-off of rounders. Have you and the other right-wing Americans even heard of rounders? I doubt it. Most of the conservatives and fascists over there can’t even locate France on a map and those same conservatives and fascists haven’t even got a brain! Not all Americans are ignorant, racist or stupid though, ronin. There are lots of good Americans. From brilliant political people like Michael Moore and Gore Vidal to great bands like Green Day, Offspring, Audioslave and the now disbanded Rage Against the Machine. And we can’t forget how beautiful women like Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Beyonce are. And we can’t forget Alicia Silverstone (especially when she was younger!). But I have to say I ! can’t stand these women’s music. But they are great to look at! It’s just a shame that vicious newspapers like the Wall Street Journal (I bet the ronin knows the editor) have to make out that people like Michael Moore don’t exist and are in a minority. That’s propaganda, ronin. That’s one of the things Rage Against the Machine protested about. Don’t believe me, ronin? Well go and buy one of their albums.
And another thing. Maybe I should remind those ignorant, racist, middle-class, stupid, sexist, homophobic, greedy, patriotic, brainwashed, right-wing, uncultured fanatics on your site (whose also go on simonworld.mu.nu and pretend to be me!) [Ed note: he’s refering to this] THAT I AM FROM ENGLAND! Not WALES! Wales is a good country but I am from ENGLAND! Some fascists in your “comments” section a couple of days ago were talking as if I was from Wales. Many thanks to my coalition members for informing me of their ignorance. Are you from CANADA Frank the ronin? No! And I know you’re not. You’re an isolated, toothless backwoodsman in the deep south who has never talked to a black person. That’s why I don’t say you’re from Canada! I think, no yucky-boo it, I know you would be offended if I said you were Canadian so your friends should shut their flippy-dippy mouths and get to their doctor quickly! Maybe their depression is getting worse. They’re depressed that your stupid president is going to lose the elect! ion in November. Their neurosis is getting worse by the hour.
I hate your sarcasm on the last response, ronin. I could see you were about to call me a “you know what” also known as George W. Bush’s middle name. I never fell for your trick – I knew you hadn’t changed, ronin. I remember in one of the earlier responses you tried to get me to read one of your fascist poems. That didn’t work either!
I couldn’t imagine you the redneck promoting left-of-centre values. Jesus! I’ll probably have nightmares of that one day! I’m glad that you unbanned the coalition from posting on your boring website, ronin. But you know what ronin? You dishonorable ronin! You shouldn’t have floopy-snoopy banned them in the first dag’burn place you ronin. That’s my coalition you ronin! Don’t you ever wacky-smacky do that hippy-dippy thing ever a-floofengoogle-gain! You fascist ronin! That’s an attack on democracy you ronin! Yucky-boo you! Did you ban the Spanish Militant cos he’s not from America? That’s not fair. A Spanish person shouldn’t have their rights crushed by some vicious bastard!
Seeing as you hate the French I thought I would educate you with three reasons for you to LIKE the French…
1, They are excellent at soccer (as you call it)
2, Have you ever had some red wine from France? Get some Bordeaux wine down you! It’ll make a change from having your two-toed sloth dance on a barstool!
3, Unlike you and your fascist friends, the French know the capital cities of major countries.
If I wanted a joke I’d ask you the capital of Norway!
It’s OSLO by the way.
OSLO.
O-S-L-O.
OSLO…There you are. You’re learning now.
Oh and the capital of your country is Washington. No Frank it’s not near Oklahoma!!!!!!!!!! Washington is a long, long way from the bigots of rural Texas. It’s on the east coast. There you go! No not Seattle, Washington! That Washington is a state in the west! Kurt Cobain was from there. You don’t know who Nirvana was! Oh I give up!
I was not too young to remember reviews of Falling Down! Stop that patronising flibberty-gibble! I am twenty years old. I don’t know how old you are and don’t really care but I do know that your views on the death penalty, abortion, poverty, racism, sexism, ageism, homophobia and gypsies and many other things are very, very old. You are embarassingly right-wing. Did you know that?
YOU’RE AN EMBARASSMENT. GROW UP!
I see some of the fools on your website were pretty unhappy last week when they didn’t get a mention along with the stupid idiots known as Adam, Sarah K, Sandor at the Zoo and Liberty Bob.
So here’s some other evil reactionaries who deserves a good beating…
IT’S NAME AND SHAME TIME…
DAVE IN TEXAS
There you go, ronin you got a mention. This guy is a big time ronin. Along with Frank, this crazy farmer likes nothing better than having a two-toed sloth dance on a barstool! This freak lives on incest. His sister is also his granny! This maniacs philosophy to foreign afairs is embarassingly narrow-minded…
“If it’s not American then bomb it!”
Frank when you got to the doctor, get this guy an appointment!
TOOTHLESS REDNECK
Another nutcase. So crazy that when he was in high-school and his teacher asked him what their ambition was in life, he said…
“To bomb Canada in the name of God!”
An interesting thought: Maybe this creep is toothless cos he was a victim of U.S. privatization of dentists. It’s something worth considering.
STICKY B
Another contender for 2004 Idiot of the Year. What a terrible name to use on the net!
ROCKYNOGGIN
Stupid name. Nearly as bad as Sandor at the Zoo. Sandor at the Zoo – what the smuckers does that mean?
CLANCY
This bastard is more racist than an American soldier in 1960’s Vietnam. Didn’t take too kindly to Mr. Depp using his/her name and pretending to join the coalition. This freak needs beating ti death with his/her own shoes! Yucky-boo you Clancy! Ronin!
Anyway seeing as you like wrestling (I know because you have Smackdown written on the image above every one of my emails) and that’s one of the few things I have in common with you, I’d like to express my delight at the two heavyweight champions in W.W.E. at present.
Eddie Guerrero…
A Mexican. (Frank the ronin won’t like a foreigner having the world title. And a foreigner who used to have a drug problem. Religious Frank and his church-going friends won’t approve of this) Shame that the system – with all the politics at W.W.E. had to make him conform to the ancient stereotypes. When are you right-wing Americans going to grow up? I bet you and all the other on your site that follow wrestling actually think that all Mexicans lie, cheat and steal.
Chris Benoit…
A Canadian. About time this guy had the heavyweight title. I was starting to think it would never happen.
Atleast it pisses you off to see two foreigners having so much success.
I’m gonna go now, ronin. I’ll let you get back to masturbating over the flag of the United States! But you’ll hear from me again soon. No doubt about it. I’ll email you when it pleases me. You see I do what I want when I want and there’s not a damn thing you or your friends can do about it!
SATURDAY 1ST MAY 2004 IS MAYDAY!
THE PEOPLE’S DAY!
DEMOCRACY NEEDS TO BE INSTALLED ACROSS THE WORLD!
REGIMES LIKE BUSH AND BLAIR’S OVERTHROWN!
THE AMERICAN FLAG BURNT!
CAPITALISM WILL SUFFER!
MCDONALDS WILL SUFFER!
THE PEOPLE WILL SPEAK!
WE WILL RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE!
FIGHT THE SYSTEM!
THE RED SOCIALIST FLAG WILL FLY!
REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION! REVOLUTION!
SATURDAY 1ST MAY 2004!

American Frank, enthralled by his acceptance by The Limey, further proclaims his continued resolve to support socialism in his backwoods home:

Yay! It’s limey! I’m glad you’re so happy with me becoming a socialist. How can I make my e-mails red like yours to show my solidarity? Anyway, praise to XTREME ONE, Carl, Spanish Militant, and Christian Slater! They are my brothers in the socialist uprising and totally not just made up!
I have looked up this Cardriff team, limey, and am very impressed with their metric football abilities. I’m still worried that evil capitalistic baseball people will hit them with their bats. And I have not heard of rounders. I feel foolish and ignorant and less socialist for it. I shall look up rounders and start a rounders team at work…. wait, two teams! Then we can play each other in the cornfield. Does rounders have checking in it? I like hitting people.
One of these days I will find France on a map and be smart like Michael Moore and Gore Vidal (is he related to Al Gore?). And praise the radical leftist revolutionary music of Green Day! To us will be left all of America’s hot women. I’ll take Britney Spears, and you, limey, can have Christina Aguilera because I think she’s skanky.
I won’t buy any of Rage Against the Machine’s albums, though, limey, as that will only support capitalism. I do have their song from the end of the Martix, though.
WAKE UP!
WAKE UP!
That song really speaks to me… especially in the morning.
And I know you don’t live in a wale, limey; that’s silly. Pinocchio was once in a wale, though. Served him right for being a product of the capitalistic Geppetto. And it would be silly to say I live in Canada; only meese live there. It’s basically a barren wilderness where we store our toxic waste. No person could possibly survive there.
And I did talk to a black person just today. I said, “Hey, black person.” He’s my boss. I found out from him that black people don’t like it if you make fun of Aquaman. I also wrote a letter to Condoleezza Rice. She’s black too! I’ll make sure not to mention Aquaman to her.
I don’t know what sarcasm you’re talking about or what word you think I’m going to call you, limey. I’m a serious committed socialist, and you know that. To prove it, watch this:
Yay socialism!
Would a capitalist have written that? No way. And it’s good you didn’t read that fascist poem “The Jabberwocky”. It would have fascitized you faster than you could say “Callooh! Callay!” It was penned by Fascist McFascist himself while eating the apricots he denied his starving peasants. We, the socialist revolutionaries, will hunt down Fascist McFascist and make him pay! He will have eaten his last apricot, by gumbo! We will burn all his poems too! Let’s burn lots of things! Not rocks, though, because they don’t burn well.
And I’m sorry my old capitalistic self banned your friends who are definitely not just you posting under different names. It will never happen again that I am now an uber-socialist! And praise to France and their metric football abilities. If only more of the world listened to them, we’d have much more cheese!
Wow! I never even heard of Norway, and now I know its capital! You are so kind to teach me all these new things, limey. I have a friend named Oslo; I’ll have to ask him if he’s from Norway. Then I’ll punch him for being a capitalist! Be angry at the machine!
I know Kurt Cobain! He blew his brains out with a shotgun! That’s hard! If you hold a shotgun to your head, limey, it’s a long reach to the trigger. You could saw off the barrel, but then you’d have an illegal sawed-off shotgun. Boy would you be in trouble then.
I knew you were twenty years old, limey; your maturity shows through in your elegant prose about socialism.
I’m sorry my website has attracted so many horrible bad people who are capitalists. I would ban them, but they are mean and scary! What do I do, limey my friend? I want to be a socialist revolutionary, but some capitalists are scary! Scarier than Aquaman!
Are you sure you didn’t make up those two wrestlers, limey? I think you sometimes make up names. That’s okay, because even the made up people support our socialist revolution!
Well, limey, I’m glad you’ve accepted me as one of your revolutionaries. I can’t wait until May 1st for capitalism to fall! Until then, keep up the fight in your home in Wales.
Revolutionarily,
Socialist Frank
P.S. I wrote you a poem:
Why do I fight fascism?
Am I courageous enough to succeed?
Never will I quit!
Kill all those who oppose us!
Every capitalist must fall!
Right will give us might!
I hope you liked it even though it was free verse. Viva la revolution!

Will American Frank continue to be hypnotized by the wiles of socialism? Will The Limey further encourage him? What will happen on May 1st? Find out in the continuing adventures of…
THE LIMEY!