It’s one week until the deadline to enter the IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest. Thanks to all those who have entered so far, but the number is far under what I’m looking for. I expect more from you babes. Anyway, to help out, here are some answers to some common questions.
Q. What is the purpose of the essay?
A. The essay is a way to show your babeness in a non visual form. It should express a hawkish statment and not be longer than 200 words since I have a short attention span. If you’re barely literate, it can be really short and congratulations for reading this far.
Q. What if I’m a pacifcist? Am I then disqualified?
A. If your short statement can convince the judges that the war on terror is wrong, then you can still win. So yes, you are disqualified.
Q. What should the photo be of?
A. That’s to your discression, but no photoshopping. It should show off your modeling skills, and probably be more than just a head shot since the idea is to find a t-shirt model.
Q. I think monkeys are funny. Can I still win?
A. You’ll lose my vote, but that’s only one of nine.
Q. How do the prizes work?
A. You get all the IMAO t-shirts and then will recieve the hundred dollars cash and the hundred dollar ThoseShirts.com shopping spree upon sending back pictures modeling the shirts. If enough people participate, there may be prizes for finalists.
Q. What if few people participate?
A. Then you will embarass me in front of other bloggers, and I’ll put up a “No Girls Allowed” sign on my site. That will teach you babes.
Q. Will being the IMAO T-Shirt Babe lead to and industrous modeling career?
A. Most certainly.
Q. That’s not very many questions for an FAQ. What’s up with that?
A. It’s a simple thing to enter. So do it!
Archive of entries posted on 21st April 2004
Lunch with Whitler
I just got back from having lunch with Bill Whittle. Once I recover from that horrible experience, I’ll write more details.
BTW, I’ve fallen behind in this poll. Go vote for me now, unless, rather than cover your back, you want me to empty a magazine in it.
NOW!
UPDATE: Somehow, I think some of this is directed at me. Well, I won’t take this lying down! Sitting in an ergonomically comfortable way, yes – but not lying down!
But where does the Emperor’s vote lay?
Secret Orders Soon
Know Thy Enemy: Iraqi Insurgents
There are a lot of insurgents causing trouble in Iraq, so I decided the least I could do was set out my crack research team to find out as much as they can about them.
FUN FACTS ABOUT IRAQI INSURGENTS
* The difference between an “insurgent” and a “terrorist” are the spellings and pronunciations.
* The Iraqis violently fighting against the coalition are a minority, and thus should be given preference in hiring and college admissions.
* Some people are against America because they actually liked rule under Saddam. Hey, if they liked torture and oppression, maybe we should be more accommodating to their tastes.
* The natural predator of the Iraqi insurgent is the U.S. Marine which has no known predator and threatens to cause their complete extinction.
* Some religious leaders are causing insurgency in a grab for power. Religion should never be used to grab power. It should only be used to give oneself moral grounding, explain the reasons behind existence, and shame others.
* Monkeys are also opposed to Americans, and are being summarily executed.
* Some consider those fighting Americans to be patriots of Iraq, but, since they harm people of their own country and are trying ruin its future, the more accurate terms for them is “total douches”.
* Insurgents like to use bombs. If you see someone with a bomb, be careful – he may insurge!
* Some insurgents aren’t Iraqis at all, but instead are people who have traveled to Iraq since there aren’t enough opportunities in their own country to be killed by coalition forces.
* That Sadr guy is kinda chubby. I don’t know the relevance of that, but it is a fact.
* Frankly, I’d rather be a chubby cleric than the usual blind cleric, but I don’t know if Allah gives you a choice.
* As a defensive measure, Iraqi insurgents will sometimes run away screaming.
* The insurgents have all the battle knowledge that can be gained by skimming through a copy of The Idiots Guide to Insurgency.
* The insurgents are opposed to democracy because then people will vote that they shouldn’t insurge so much. And, if they can’t insurge, then they’ll probably have to finally get that job at McDonalds, and they don’t want that. Hey, it really ain’t that bad.
* Since Americans and allies are trying their best to build schools and an infrastructure in Iraq and people still try to kill them, that just proves you can’t even please everybody some of the time. Luckily, we can kill anybody anytime.
* Insurgents are trying to use hostages to force American allies to remove troops from Iraq. Hey, not all our allies are yellow-bellied Spaniards.
* In a battle between Aquaman and Iraqi Insurgents, Aquaman’s fish friends would warn him of any bomb attack allowing him to easily avoid it… if the insurgents tried to attack Aquaman in the water. If the attack were land, as usual, Aquaman would be screwed.
* France is now considering sending troops to Iraq so they can give in to terrorists demands and then remove them. Those guys haven’t had a good surrender in a while.
* If you’re surrounded by insurgents, kill them with your guns. If you’re in Iraq right now, you should probably have guns.
* Know what? We should really just go ahead and make Iraq into the richest, most stable democracy in the world. That should piss off those filthy insurgents. Wankers.