Bob from Michigan writes:
I was travelling on business last week and saw a group of people, including one man wearing a shirt that had the flag and a print of the constitution on it.
When they came to a set of stairs, flanked by escalators, one member of the group took the escalator. The guy in the flag shirt said, “What, are you becoming an American now?” (must be implying we’re
lazy) But he had a FRENCH accent!
I wanted to grab him by the collar and say, “I’ll show you a lazy American, you cheese eating surrender monkey!” and then punch him in the face. But then I realized that I might get blood on Old Glory and the US Constitution!
What’s the proper etiquette for punching the French when they’re wearing flag shirts? Was the shirt just a French ploy to keep from getting punched?
It’s a common French ploy to wear sacred American symbols to keep us from beating them. The easiest solution is to quickly wrap the Frenchman around the torso with a garbage bag and then punch him in the face. That will keep blood from getting on the flag or Constitution while allowing a sound beating.
mt in big D asks:
what evil forces cause the phenomenon known as a brain freeze when i am enjoying a delicious frozen margarita? is there a way we can put a stop to all this senseless pain and suffering?
That pain is from God – who is a Mormon – punishing you for consuming alcohol. Why He singles out margarita drinkers, I don’t know; the ways of God are mysterious.
The best way to stop the pain is to drink Guinness instead – the official beer of IMAO.
Mmm… Guinness. It’s black – like my heart.
Chase Bradstreet from Hoover, AL. writes:
Safety pinned onto my backpack is a piece of paper with the words “Club Liberals, Not Sandwiches” and a picture of a sandwich with a red circle and line through it. The school administration told me this was “grossly offensive” and ordered me to remove it. Should I continue to sport this slogan and encourage the long-needed cudgeling of liberals everywhere?
You, sir, have the freedom of speech to stand up for, and, more importantly, the freedom of beating those who deserve it. Your school administration is obviously liberals, so beat them. Then eat a sandwich.
Terri from New Orleans writes:
Dearest Frank,
I’ve recently been hit with a dilemma (and perhaps an inability to spell…):
I’m Creole (which, I suppose, is Black in the rest of the country). I’m Catholic. I’m from New Orleans.
So, logically, I should be anti-semitic, right?
Well, I try. I try really hard. I keep reminding myself that some of Mengele’s experiments really were useful for modern medicine. I’m fluent in German. I’m anti-Israel. I eat pork on a daily basis…
but all my friends are Jewish.
Does this make me a hypocrite? Is it wrong to hate the group (Jews) and love the individuals (like B. Applebaum and G. Stein)? Is it really part of my duty as a Catholic to be anti-semitic? Should my anti-semitism cover all semitic-speaking peoples (including muslims) and discard non semitic-speaking peoples (like Jews who don’t speak Hebrew)?
I’m so confused.
I need answers.
And the Pope never answers my e-mails.
I’m sorry the Pope never answer your e-mails; he’s a busy guy. In short, you probably shouldn’t be anti-Semitic, as we’ve never figured out how far the Zionist Conspiracy goes. The whole Catholic Church… and maybe even Jesus… could be Zionist Conspirators. Mohammed definitely is. So keep your Jewish friends, and do whatever they tell you. There could be huge consequences otherwise.
Wesley from Halliburton’s secret HQ under the Bush family ranch’s outhouse (The toilet roll dispenser is used to enter the combination) asks:
To what music is it best to bomb terrorists to?
I always liked “Welcome to the Jungle” because of the “NOW YOU’RE GONNA DIE!!!” line. But, you can’t go wrong with classics such as “Ride of the Valkyries”. I should make a Bomb Terrorists mix CD. Anyone else have ideas? Put them in the comments.
Please keep the questions coming (I would especially like more science and math questions), <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Frank,
Several songs off Powerslave by Iron Maiden would probably be suitable. “Aces High”, “Flash of the Blade”, maybe even “Back in the Village”. Give it a listen and see what you think. It’s one of my favorite CDs for running over liberals in my pickup truck.
-J
I’ve always been partial to using Disturbed for my ass kicking music. Whacking a hippie over the head with a ball-peen hammer doesn’t seem the same to me without “Stupify” blasting from the speakers of my SUV/Mobile Assault Vehicle in progress.
an oldie: creedence clearwater revival’s “bad moon rising.”
I personally like anything with the title line “Die motherf***ers Die!!!!”
i have seen a couple of bombing montages with that title…also anything by drowning pool or godsmack. alternatively, you could always use something with just a choir singing praises. maybe Carmina Burana.
adam
Fear’s “Bomb the Russians”. Dub over russians with muslims, liberals, hippies whatever. Or a chorus for each, saving monkeys for the last and loudest.
How about another “Apocolypse Now” classic: “This is the End” by the Doors. I always see palm trees flaming through the air when I hear the song. Now I can imagine it with sand and camels.
Well, considering Bush went to war just to allow Halliburton to make money on Iraqi oil (or something like that I guess)…..I believe all bomber pilots have to play “It’s All About The Benjamins” through the planes PA System while bombing the Terrorists.
Metallica’s ‘Creeping Death’
That might actually be better for a Armor Unit
“Bombs over Baghdad (Zack de la Rocha Remix)” by Outkast (Yeah, I know, but it still kicks ass)
“Pipebomb on Lanesdown” by Dropkick Murphys
“Ace of Spades” by Motorhead
“Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin
“Still” by the Geto Boys (the other Office Space song, the one from the printer beating scene)
“Master of Puppets” by Metallica
“Die, Die My Darling” by either the Misfits or Metallica, take your pick
“Don’t Tread on Me”, Metallica
“Crush ‘Em”, Megadeath
“Conflict”, Disturbed
“Night on Bald Mountain”
“The Genocide Song” Trigun OST
A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash (Features NOW YOU’RE GONNA DIE!)
Also, where’s the Limey’s comments? I’m sure with all the neat, rage-tastic songs of the Rage Against the Machine’s they must have at least one song worth the trouble. (I don’t touch the stuff myself.)
I prefer something satirical when bombing commies or arabs. You know something that is kind of juxtaposed with the moment, but yet brings certain clarity while forming a cruelly rosy picture.
First song that came to mind was “I Love New York In June” which really plays on many levels. Then I thought a Beatles Tune would be appropriate and a fitting tribute to our only remaining ally (beside the Heebs), especially “Back in the USSR” if your are bombing commies, but maybe “Hey Jude” would be good for arabs.
I also thought of “Blowing in the Wind” and other peacenik bed-wetting tunes. It would be like trashing some sacred red-diaper icon, and that’s always fun.
Steam’s “Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye” would also be kind of cool, but a little to obvious for my taste.
Try “Faust” and “O Fortuna” by Wagner. Nothing’s better for wail’n on hippies than wail’n German singers. Eminem also offers some very bloodthirsty “music” which you might consider, even though it deviates from the genre you seem to like.
How about anything by Barbra Striesand… just to piss her off that much more 🙂
Good idea DaDougster, or we could just bomb them with the actual Babs Striesand herself?
“We’re Not Goin To Take It”
Twisted Sister
The Chorus
“We’re right (yeah)
We’re free (yeah)
We’ll fight (yeah)
You’ll see (yeah)
Oh we’re not gonna take it
No, we ain’t gonna take it
Oh we’re not gonna take it anymore”
Even has some lines to bomb the french by…
“Oh you’re so condescending
Your gall is neverending
We don’t want nothin’, not a thing from you”
I can’t believe no one’s suggested “Rock the Casbah.”
Anything by an 80’s hair band oughta work as long as it isn’t a monster ballad.
You could also put some hard trance on there, too. But that might help your pilots zone out.
Bunch o’ pansies.
I’ve got two words for you:
FEAR FACTORY
Check it.
ryan is right rock the casbah plus a little megadeth like return to hanger
Anyone heard of Andrew WK? His “Ready to Die” would be the PERFECT song to play in your nice expensive MP3 player while bombing the people so poor they have to use their prositutes as cars (aka the Camel).
posted this in the wrong spot before…
“he had it coming” from the musical chicago. those liberals stole the best picture oscar from the two towers. nice payback.
What was the tune that played at the end of Dr. Strangelove when the world was blowing up?
I prefer something satirical too. Preferable something the bombees wouldn’t understand if they hadn’t studied our culture.
What about “Singing in the Rain”? (Since I first saw “A Clockwork Orange” that song has always had a tinge of violence to it).
or Cat Steven’s “Morning has Broken”?
ooohh!! it just hit me…
AC/DC Hells Bells!!!!
its perfect
adam
Carl Orff, Carmina Burana, O Fortuna.
amen!
Filter – Nice Shot
Tool – 46 and two
I agree with O Fortuna also
Or maybe just blast some of the “call to prayer” music that they play at the mosque out of a loudspeaker on the bottom of you B-52
What a Wonderful World by louis armstrong
Damage Inc. by Metalica
Can’t go wrong with Carmina Burana (by Carl Orf).
“Another one bites the dust” by Queen
For kicks we could play circus music, that always cheers everyone up.
Jack and Redneck – I vote for “Morning Has Broken” and Call to Prayer chants for the final cut!
I prefer the humorously ironic choices:
“Why do birds
suddenly appear
every time
you are near?
Just like me
they long to be
close to you…”
Or the blatantly obvious:
Weird Al, “Christmas at Ground Zero,” for the lovely air raid sirens at the end…
Googlebomb them to the top!
cowards
I Think that it is agreed that war needs a soundtrack, proved after we witnessed the true military application of music (Enter Sandman on POWs)
But truth is though that different missions require different music.
Bomb Runs – Anything Grand and Powerful
‘Don’t tread on me.’
‘Immigrant Song’
80’s metal.
Armor, Infantry – Super Bass, even Hip Hop
Kid Rocks ‘Cowboy’
Limp Bizkit’s Rollin’
House of Pain – Jump around
Metallica – Creeping Death
Snipers –
Since snipers require stealth, their can’t intimidate the enemy, therefore it’s only purpose is to help the sniper.
Therefore, Either a fitting song like
‘Nice Shot’
‘Another one bites the dust’
Or if the sniper is demented
‘Singing in the rain’
Remember what Hienlien said about the whole purpose of war being to protect your family. In his book Starship Trooper, to use a males instinct to fight to protect his women, The future military made sure to use a live woman’s voice to Whisper ‘Good Luck’ Immediately prior to deployment.
Long Story short, that’s why I listen to Natalie Merchant’s Tigerlily when I play Half-Life
“Calm Like a Bomb” by Rage Against the Machine, just to piss off the Limey that we’re stealing stuff from his fave band, “Bodies” by Drowning Pool, “Freedom Fighter” and “Bullets” by Creed, and don’t forget “Feuer Frei!” by Rammstein.
Do you even read the Precision Guided Humor Assignments of your own Blog Alliance?
Since this is a mix CD, beginning could be serious:
Example: Drowning pool – Bodies
“Let the bodies hit the floor.” YEAH!
Then merge from serious to a little satire:
Example: Tool – Eulogy
“He had a lot to say,
He had a lot of nothing to say
we’ll miss him” (note the sarcasm)
Then satire/silly:
Example: (forgot the title/artist)
“Why do you fill me up,
buttercup,
baby, then you let me down”
Then a pleasant, yet dark tune or two:
Examples: House of the Rising Sun
Nick Cave – Red Right Hand
Click Click Boom, by Saliva
If for nothing else but that line!
Nope boys, its gotta be randy newmans Lets Drop the Big One. Good tune, full of pathos and with the excellent aspect of only having to be sung once. The big one kicks and the radiation keeps on giving, never need to drop her twice.
How about the theme song from “I dream of Genie” just for irony’s sake?
“to hell with the devil” by 80’s christan glam rockers stryper!
Anything by Moterhead. Anything by WASP, Blackie Lawless said the album “Music to Kill People By” was inspired by a Gulf War 1 tanker who told him thay used to listen to WASP before going into combat. Anything by Antrthrax, most importantly, “I Am The Law.” Judas Priets, “Painkiller.”
For bombing terrorists, try Andrew W.K.’s “better get ready to die”. Kick ass rock’n’roll.
While I think Frank’s advice on how to avoid blood spillage on an American t-shirt was ok, it neglects the fact that a garbage bag isn’t always handy.
I usually just grab the Frog (careful they’re slippery), yank the back of his shirt over the front of his head “hockey style,” and then deliver a punishing set of bloodless body blows before I finish him.
Frank, you HAVE to make a “bombe terrorists” CD. I promise I’ll buy that one!!!
Intermix some commentary too!
Let the Bodies Hit the Floor by Drowning Pool
Sympathy for the Devil – the Stones
How about Rocketman by Elton John?
Benny and the Jets
Paint it Black – Stones
The Bitch is Back – Elton John
Pink Floyd’s “One of These Days”
— I’m going to cut you into little pieces!
If anyone plays the game “Battlefield: Vietnam,” (by EA Games) there are great songs on the soundtrack. Many are anti-war, but if its funny to kill someone in a virtual environment while listening to “I broke the law and the law won,” it’s probably more fun to do so in real life.
AC/DC: Hell’s Bells
“I’ll take you to hell!”
“(Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” ~ The Rolling Stones
“0 To 60 In 5” ~ Pablo Cruize
Dawn of Victory by Rhapsody
Communication Breakdown, Led Zeppelin
Or maybe Wearing And Tearing, also by Zeppelin
Drowning Pool’s “Bodies,” and AWK’s “Ready to Die” are both good suggestions.
I, for one, would find a montage of bomb detonations set to “Amazing Grace” entertaining.
We were watching the cruise video from the class that was on cruise during Operation Iraqi Freedom in ROTC today, and one of the songs they used was “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” by some country singer I can’t remember. Worked well.
Toby Keith, Ovrlord.
If you want to be satirical, how about the Spike Jones version of “You always hurt the one you love.” The version with whoopie cushions and duck calls being played in the background…
Blue Oyster Cult – “Don’t Fear the Reaper”
I’ve gotta jump in on this after lurking for a day and checking out this site (EXCELLENT blog, Frank, btw!)
my choice of selections for music to bomb by:
Fear-“Let’s Have A War”
Ministry-“Thieves”, “Burning Inside”, or “NWO”, even though the last was a slam at Bush 41
CCR- “Run Through The Jungle” (I always thought the feedback at the end was supposed to be the sound of F-4s doing a napalm bomb run in Vietnam, and it sounds so cool anyway).
God it’s so nice to read postings from like minded folks, me being a native of SF Bay Area, recently moved to the Central Valley. Dittoes for IMAO.
Alice Cooper “No More Mr. Nice Guy” and “I Love the Dead” AC/DC “Problem Child”
Music to Kill Commies and Terrorists by:
‘Thunderstruck’, by AC/DC
‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ and ‘Commando’, by the Ramones
‘In Union We Stand’, by Overkill
‘Bad Attitude’, by Deep Purple
‘Die with Your Boots On’, by Iron Maiden
‘Born to Raise Hell’, by Motorhead
‘Die by the Sword’, by Slayer
But of course, it’s hard to beat the classics, by which I mean the good old ‘Star-Spangled Banner’, the full-length version. The third stanza is particularly apt:
‘No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave’
Finally someone mentioned Fear – Let’s Have a War;
Some other great ones:
Attack (by F)
Rat Patrol ( by Nayked Raygun)
Tanks Keep Rolling (Unwanted)
I can’t believe no one suggested Iron Man by Black Sabbath. It’s all about killing the little ungratefull pricks that you saved at one time.
also : Boom Boom Boom by John Lee Hooker
Electric Funeral by Black Sabbath
War Pigs by Black Sabbath
Hand of Doom by Black Sabbath
Play that Funky Music by Wild Cherry (Just because any activity is more fun with that song)
I’m a particularly big fan of Foggy Mountain Breakdown, by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs for all my terrorist blasting needs.
“Hi! … It’s me. Don’t you remember? The tomato from upstairs.”
Marilyn Monroe in The Seven-Year Itch
This is beginning to sound like a multi CD set, but well worth the effort. Maybe group the tunes by phase: CD-1-planning stages
CD-2-bombs away
CD-3-now who’s laughing
For #1: “Lunatic Fringe” by Red Ryder
For #2: Who made You AC/DC
This may be the beer talking, but…
OK, Foggy Mountain Breakdown would be cool. How about Man of Constant Sorrow from that movie with that liberal sh!t whats his face?
Bill, I thought about Lunatic Fringe also after I heard it on the radio this afternoon.
Funny, ever since Frank J. put this question up I can’t listen to a song without thinking, “Would this be good music to bomb commies and arabs to?”
Man, it’s gonna be tough sitting through church Sunday. Gives “Faith of Our Fathers” a whole new meaning!
Wow… I was out driving with my Girlfriend today listening to music when this song came on, and I told her that’s what I would play if I ever flew an apache to gun down some rag-heads.
Then you say something similar on your site, what a coincidence … anyway the song is “American Nightmare” by Rob Zombie
Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something appealing about Rob Zombie screaming “Yea, Mother F***er, Yea Who Do You Love!” While I’m gunning down some terrorists with a .50 caliber
I’m kinda partial to “Bad to the Bone”.
And maybe it could be that I’m a maladjusted individual, but I think it would be kinda cool to have the Looney Tunes cartoon music, with the Porky Pig stutter and “That’s All, Folks!” voice over at the end.
‘FIRE’ from the ‘Crazy Workld of Aurther Brown’
It starts with ‘I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE AND I BRING YOU FIRE’
fits the activity.
gunner
Anything by U.S. Bombs.
Too obvious?
“All we are saying…….. is give peace a chance.”
That’ll confuse them.
I don’t know if anyone suggested this, too many comments to read, but how about “Ain’t No Rag” from Charlie Daniels?
Someone may have already said it, but “Don’t Tread on Me” by Metallica is fitting (for obvious reasons).
Bob from Michigan — Next time, punch low. Even Frenchmen think they’ve got chonies, so they’ll scream and fold right up without getting blood on the icons…
AC/DC —
Thunderstruck
Fire Your Guns
Cheap Trick —
Ain’t That A Shame
Hello There (both off the Live at Budokan album)
For Standoff Action —
Radar Love
Hehehehe.. excellent commentary… If you really want satire, how about, “Let there be peace on earth” and I whole heartedly agree with O Fortuna from Carmina Burana. By the way, there actually was a guy who rode into combat, loudspeakers blaring, just like in Apocalypse Now, “Ride of the Valkyries” goes without saying. Oh, I don’t think anyone has suggested “Let the Bodies hit the floor.” by Drowning Pool.
Godzilla-Blue Oyster Cult
Satisfaction-The Stones
Theme from Rocky
Gotta ad two more tunes that popped into my head after my first post;
OK, really cheezy and oh-so-80’s, but, howzabout
Timezone (aka John Lydon and Afrikka Bambataa)-“World Destruction”
and Fishbone-“Party at Groundzero”
One other topic: That “announcements, announcements” thing gave me the back-to-high-school flashback heebee jeebees, Frank. A la’ Roberto Duran, “No Mas!”
Keep rolling otherwise
I think “Down in a Hole” by Alice in Chains would work nicely.
Led Zeppelin suggestions:
Before Bombing, ie regime: What is and What should never be
During Bombing:Immigrant Song
Good Times Bad Times
After Bombing: Celebration Day
Firstly…”AssGhanistan by M.O.D., especially the lyric “..Better kick your doney into high gear, ’cause you’ve got it coming…hell to pay”…….
“The Imperial March” from the Star Wars soundtrack…I so want to hire a band to just walk behind me and play that everywhere I go.
“Wake Up The Sleeping Giant” by Twisted Sister.
Man, the list could actually be endless
er, uh, um….that’s “donkey”
“All we are saying…….. is give peace a chance.”
That’ll confuse them.
Sorta like the scene in Mars Attacks where the martians go on a killing spree while repeating “do not run, we are your friends!”