Just conducted a meeting with my coworkers over cigars and adult beverages – this is the way things should be done.
Anyway, I had gambled twice, putting a quarter in two machines, and was up $0.50 as previously reported. After the alcohol, I decided to try my luck again. Soon, five singles were squirrled away and I was down $4.50. Frustrated, I put a Lincoln into a nickel Monopoly game. I had no idea what meant what as the digital dials spinned, but I soon landed on free parking and got a ton of bonuses.
Gambling results so far: Up $39.25
In other words, I have not yet learned the evils of gambling.
Well, have to get up for at 8am breakfast tomorrow, which is like 11am since I’m still jet-lagged. Now I head to bed for more than eight hours sleep. See y’all later.
BTW, I was bad and didn’t get my entry in on time, but here is Right Wing News’s list of history’s biggest impact players.
Wow, it pays to stay up late at night…
…
…
First!!!!
Anyways, try some card games. Black jack is pretty easy. You might be able to win a couple hands at that.
FIRST!
good luck with your gambling.
I love Vegas… can’t wait to go back.
Enjoy your stay. Remember the girls are probably crawling with VD, so watch out.
you beat me too it Aonymous….
I hate you!
Go for Texas Holdem. that game rocks
uh, Frank, stay away from ALL the ladies because they’re not ME.
please. 🙂
Good Lord,
Got some night owls here, or I am not the only one with insomnia. But I am at work from 10pm to 7am so I have to be up now.
i’m votin for night owl! this is a bit late for me, but I can go into work late tomorrow. Anyhoo, I think I just figured out who’s been holding up progress on S.M.I.T.E. John Kerry! they just reported that he had a bowl of gummi bears in his hotel room. coincidence? I think not.
Sound like you are having more luck than I had. I cashed in my $10 win on the quarter slots and called it quits. Maybe if the waitress had offered me a drink I would have learned to like it.
Frank if you get the time, try dropping by The Gun Store,Inc. Had a lot more fun here than gambling.
Frank,
If you’re playing slots on the Strip, then you’re rapidly approaching a Democratic IQ level…slots off Strip, table games on Strip. You want slots, go to the Fiesta; much looser machines (and, yes, machines are set at varying rates of payout and the tightest machines are on the Strip).
Much more fun, anyways, to stick with blackjack…’cept when you’ve got a 12 against the dealer’s 4…grrr…
Frank, my man, when can we expect to see you on the “World Series of Poker”?
Damn, son! If I knew you were a cigar smoker I’d have sent you a few of my ‘choice’ ones I brought back from Spain.
Offer is still open…just let me know!
Don’t listen to the rest of these cats Frank…..remember, whatever happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas.
“whatever happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas.”
Except diseases. Those pretty much go everywhere with you.
EMPWP@M,
That’s a paraphrase of the old military stand-by:
What goes on TDY, stays TDY.
Frank,
Don’t pull a Jon Favreau and nail Dorothy!
Gambling? Dude, you are in Vegas. On the Strip. Two words: Olympic Gardens. Either that or the mega-arcade down the way. Shrug Either way, its a win-win.
When my Ma went to Vegas, she won about $1300 within the first ten minutes of playing slots, and she automatically fed in some more quarters… and then came to her senses and stopped, as her trip was paid more than paid for with that money.
Lesson: don’t get greedy. Spend that $39.50 on a good dinner — don’t throw it away trying to get more.
“Adult beverages?” Like Ensure and Metamucil?
FRANK:
MUST – EAT – AT – IN-N-OUT – BURGER
God bless the people at In-n-out who decided to migrate east a little bit.
Do it, Frank! Reagan would!
Frank:
What you didn’t see the picture of Hanoi John at NASA? Talk about a picture that is just begging for a caption contest! Today, the Kerry Kool-Aid campain staff is saying that the picture was leaked! That’s how funny it is; a think John F@#$@#$ Kerry just had his Dukakius (sp) moment. Caption contest, caption contest!!
In and Out for sure, best burgers on the planet…
..well we got Burgerville here and they are the best you can get in the NW.
They use 100% vegetarian fed Oregon cattle….mmmmmmmmoooooooooooooo!
beo, toooo funny!!
Yes Frank, you must go to In-N-Out Burger. Be sure to order a double-double animal style. And get lots of napkins! And the fries are made from (get this!) actual potatoes!! Must have!
Frank,
If you can afford it, I highly recommend Emeril’s New Orleans Fish House. It’s in the MGM Grand. If you can get in. Try the tasting menu with paired wines.
Yep, Gotta add Third recommendation on the In-N-Out Burgers…. Good Stuff!
And if they actually have any of those Alberto’s Mexican drive thru’s in Nevada get you some of their “Tres Taquitos with Guacamole & hot sauce!” (Mas muchos drooling, yum, yum!… I have been SERIOUSLY Jonesing for those things since I left The Peoples Republic of Commiefornia 11 years ago.)
http://www.blogsofwar.com/archives/2004/07/27/kerry-campaign-accuses-nasa-od-dirty-tricks/
Can’t… Breathe… Laughing…Hysterically…..
Ah hahahahahhehehheahahhah!
Now I’m friggin hungry and nothing to eat.
My thoughts on the DNC: When did Jimmy Carter become a stand-up comedian? He had me rolling with his talk of how “we” ended the cold war.
I think everyone should send an email to O’Reilly about the Moore interview just to make sure the “What a scary-big-fat-ostrich-with-his-head-up-his-megalasourus-ass” take is in the lead. I wish Mr. O had pointed out that the Iraqi’s did rise up against Saddam and are now being discovered in mass graves.
And I don’t care if I spelled the dinasour name wrong. I just hope I didn’t hurt it’s feelings.
I vote for Hold’em! That’s the best game there is! Blackjack is also good.
Remember, when you have 11 in blackjack, double down. When you have 2 aces, split.
Wolf’s Dawn,
I’m sure the dinosaurs won’t be offended, but for future reference (just in case you meet up with the one grouchy T-Rex), it’s spelt dinosaur.
http://reedtheviking.blogspot.com/2004/05/some-grave-injustice-has-been.html
The only living dinosaurs today are purple pedofiles…
Frank, I recommend buying a large adult beverage, finding a shady spot near a hotel pool and watching the human parade.
The people-watching in Vegas cannot be beat. In that crowd, there’s a buncha stories just waiting to be written.
Reed:
Sorry, but where I live (not where I am from, I repeat, not where I am from), it really is dinasour. But thanks for bringing me into civilization again. It’s been so long, I’m starting to forget.
Did you hear Michael Moore is having a special showing of Farenhate 9/11 in Crawford, Texas?
Turns out one of the locals sent him a special gift: 20 bags of cow manure with a card that read: “One pile of #$%& deserves another”! You gotta love this guy! They should give him a speaking part at the Republican convention!
Bless his heart! I’m sure Moore ate it. After that long flight, he had to be hungry!
haha jonag, that’s hilarious.
i heard them talking about it on Fox News this morning, but all i caught was someone saying something about manure and Crawford. glad to know the full story.
Frank, I agree, you should play Texas Hold’em. And I ain’t talking cards…if you get my drift. And for all you perverts, I’m not talking about those either!
Hey, Wolf’s Dawn – I know where you are now and I have to correct you – it’s not even “dinasour”, it’s “dinasaw”…
Sorry folks, a little inside humor there, but Wolfie and I get it and that’s all that matters, eh? ;P
I haven’t been able to prove it yet, but I am sure that the techs in Vegas have perfected the Newbie Detector Circuit(TM). With the NDC, slot machines can determine if it is playing with a human who has never gambled before, and make him win, or with one who is already addicted, and make him lose.
I’ve seen this kind of result far too often with my own two eyes to doubt it. A friend who I was travelling with played got a dollar’s worth of nickels and played a nickel slot. Within about 3 pulls, he won $35.
I personally don’t gamble, but I learned to like craps playing for monopoly money, and tried it out once for real when I was in Vegas. I bought a single $5 chip (that was the cheapest table I could find) while all around me were pulling out multiple $100 bills. Anyway, I wound up with $80, gave back half of it to the blackjack people in under 5min, and bought a nice lunch the next day.
I will never do it again. I promise.
I recommend getting drunk and playing the Change machine. No excitement – but at least you feel like you are always staying even.
Frank, I have a post at rightwingduck.blog-city.com. I hope you find it link-worthy.
The top things Frank J can do while in Las Vegas.
Krautstink,
If we’re going to go there, then technically it is from where I am from. Correct?
Booya! Good point! Now, I must be off to watch my fave cartoon, Matthews the Dinasaw. Today’s episode, “Marra Marra on My Rat Feefees”
Oops! I just tracked back thru comments on “Link of the Day” and saw this….
whoever called frank a dumb*** — ahem, i’ll see you at three o’clock in the parking lot.
and i like platinum. -SarahK
Sorry… Miss K! I keed, I keed! I forgot about your special status as Hottie Defender! Honestly I adore Frank..
Really, If I wasn’t married to Mark J. (Glorious, Yummy, Wonderful Mr. Mark {purr..}) You Wouldn’t Even Be Competition! MWA HAHAHAHA!
Mmmrowrrr!
No, really, kidding! Take some days off and hit Vegas already, I think Frank needs an agressive woman! BE AGGRESSIVE, BE-E AGGRESSIVE!
So, okay I have hit rock bottom. I’m crude, I’m crass. What? your still here reading this? Hello, Vegas is calling! Go, go, go!
If you guys want a John “Spaceman” Kerry caption contest, http://reedtheviking.blogspot.com is now having a caption contest!
The picture is that of John Kerry in a blue condom-like spacesuit. Very funny. Come post your captions and if you win, you’ll have fame across the Viking Empire (which as of now, only consists of me).
Things that Frank J. can do in Las Vegas
As you know. Frank J. over at IMAO is in Vegas right now. That means a shortage of funny posts on the blogosphere. Not so fast…Here are the crazy things that Frank J. could do while visiting Las Vegas…Catch the Linda Ronstadt Concert. Take 3 fri
If everyone’s bringing up old military/secret adagaes:
“Flies cause disease.
So keep yours closed!”
Now put those gambling winnings aside for a shocker of an Engagement ring for Sarahk!