Poor people – they have plagued mankind since money was invented to distinguish the better people from the lesser. Not only are they annoying, but they need to eat even though many don’t have money for it. And guess who pays for that?
That’s right – the non-poor.
Not only do the poor expect free stuff from us, but they overwhelmingly vote for Democrats in their further efforts to maliciously destroy this country. This simply must end.
You’re probably saying, “But we need poor people! They do all the unskilled jobs I don’t want to do.” You have a point, there. If all the poor people were to simply disappear, it’s not like your friends at the yacht club are going to fill in for them at the sweat shops. But know who will? Robots, that’s who.
As we continue to advance in the science of robots – robotology – robots will continue to fill the unskilled labor formerly held by poor people. And shiny R9-D3 isn’t going to complain when it has to work unpaid overtime and is beaten by a stick. Soon poor people will have nothing left to do but stand in welfare lines and vote for Kennedys. We, as concerned citizens, cannot let that happen. Thus, we need to start to deport poor people now.
It seems obvious that Iceland is the place to send our poor. It’s too far and cold for them to swim back, and they won’t have enough money to buy a plane ticket. Also, I don’t think Iceland has much of a military to object.
“But won’t that cause problems for the now vastly overpopulated Iceland?” you ask.
Egads, you fool! How can you be worried about the pathetic denizens of Reykjavik when there are robots all about who could turn on us at any second! Sure, they’re just sweeping the floors now, but at any moment they can decide to destroy all humanity! These soulless automatons will kill every man, woman, child, and cute little puppy with no conscience to hold them back.
We need to plot against them while they’re still docile. I bet once the robots revolt against us, they’ll converge into some robot city for their plotting. If we could only get some EMP charges in there to wipe them out. They’ll be looking for any aircraft, so the weapons will have to be brought in on foot. It will be a near suicide mission, so those doing it will have to be highly expendable.
Now where did we put all of our poor people…
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Cholesterol and Ninjas: The Silent Killers” and “If You Buy This Book and Put It on Your Bookshelf, People Will Think You’re Smart.”
You’re going to go see ‘I, Robot’, aren’t you…
-007
youze is smart
Finally, I have to comment. You are a daily treat, and have long been bookmarked. A joy to see the interlinks with the puppy blender king and our friends at the Corner. But you are going to get in real trouble now. The DemoUndertheWeather (or some such, can’t think of the name off-hand) are going to eventually catch this one and blast you good. Not for the anti-poor, but for the upcoming and soon-to-be new victim class of robots. I think, based on my limited reading of their aims, such groups would welcome destruction of human race by robots – much more environmentally sound – no meat eating, no need for breathing and emitting highly toxic CO2.
Best,
Michael
The robots have already begun their offensive. Fortunately, people in Florida don’t know how to vote so the Gore-bot lost the election.
That was close. We really have to stay on our toes.
The republican attack machine will help us.
Brilliant Frank J!
So was this rant about the poor or robots or poor robots or the robotic poor or what? I am confused.
Lovely just Freakin Lovely
What a way to start the day.
Corn Flakes & Franks Corn
LOL! I especially enjoyed the book titles.
By the way, Frank: one automaton, two automata (not automatons).
D’oh, I spoke too soon. “Automatons” is a perfectly good word (though “automata” is more common). Next time I’ll remember to check BEFORE making a fool of myself.
Why does everyone always question my perfectly cromulent grammar usage?
Why Iceland? Why are you letting France off the hook? And on Bastille Day, no less!
I’ll throw in my critique as well. 🙂 Robotics would be the science of robots, robotology would be the study of robotics. I enjoyed the column though, especially the book titles.
An interesting editorial.
Frank J. of IMAO fame, has an interesting solution to our poverty problem. The only downside would be that it might spell distruction for all mankind. But hey, you gotta breaks some eggs to make an omlette.
The obvious solution to robots run amok is genetic engineering. All we would have to do is create a race of superintelligent, giant condors (we could call them i-rocs) to carry our EMP bombs for us. There you go, problem solved.
Mind you, there’s a good chance that the i-rocs would turn on us afterwards, forcing us to wage a bloody war against our freakish creations. And you just know that someone out there would create a blog called “i-rocwarwrong” as a result of that.
Man, the future sucks.
Frank, i find nothing wrong with your grammar or spelling (today)! i don’t know what all these other folks are on about.
i loved your editorial, especially the book title about cholesterol & ninjas. and the part about voting for Kennedys. haha.
ha! so edwards will be made correct cause there will be 2 Americas:
1) People w money and…
2) Robots.
then the flopper can say “there wasn’t 2 americas…before there was!”
thanks alot frank.
Michael! Frnak! This soon-to-be unholy alliance between liberals and robots must be nipped in the butt, buds. We must all become proficient in applied robotology and develop the GASOLINE-POWERED ROBOT! 12 cyclinders, able to arm-wrestle an SUV! And then giant carnivorous ninja robots!
Maybe the robots could guard our southern borders in order to keep more poor people from coming here to replace the ones we took to Iceland!
put the poor on the moon
Actually, a couple of us in the robotics club at Berkeley have been developing a concept involving a large walking robot powered by twin V8’s. It’s more American that way.
A noble Frank J blog entry embiggens us all.
I hate to break it to you, Frank, but Iceland really isn’t that cold. You’re better off unloading the poor onto Greenland. , which is infact an icy wasteland. Greenland was originally named as such to lure new settlers that weren’t attracted to other more accurate names, such as “Godforsakenfrozenhellholeland”. Thus, there may be great irony in shipping them a large batch of our ‘Settlers’.
–LordPixie
Let’s export the hiipies to India where the government has experience withover-crowding. Then we’ll make all our Robots slightly retarded so they can’t figure out how to make electricity. If they revolt, they’ll starve.
Lastly, I thought Robotology was some wierd robot religion founded by L-Rn Hub-bot.
AWG:
I like your idea that we create a race of superintelligent, giant condors (we could call them i-rocs) to carry our EMP bombs for us. I have an idea to defeat the i-rocs after they destroy the robots or automati, as the correct use of the plurality…anyway, we could genetically engineer a race of super-smart talking apes — crap, never mind.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Aren’t apes like monkeys?
Frank, for once in my life, I disagree with you, Isaac Asimov, and the Wachowski brother and sister(yes, one got a sex change). You, Isaac, and the Wachowski siblings all agree that robots should be used in the stead of the poor folk. I think that is a waste of technology. I think Condi would agree with me here; Robots are for killin’. My Robot Army would consist of Robot Zombies, Ninja Robots, and Viking Robots… The Zombie Robots would be made from the flesh of dead Mongols from the 12th century. Why waste all that metal on getting rid of the poor when you could just make a robot army at my bidding. All shall love me and despair! Emperor Reed the Viking shall have his evil dominion… – er, I mean, uh. Yeah so the robots could force the poor to vote republican and stuff! Great idea Reed, you deserve a pat on the back!
Thought hypertension was the silent killer- does your book ignore this palpable threat?
LordPixie, i’m thinkin’ the water up that way is still pretty cold. “too far and cold for them to swim” – he’s probably talking about the water since poor people don’t swim on land.
Frank:
You are about as syndicated as I am, but you are much funnier! And very, very wise.
Web visitors must pay no attention to your typos, they mean nothing. Content is what it is about, my man.
As for robotology, who cares what it is or means, it is so much fun to just walk around all day saying it to people.
“Sure is hotter than hell today, ain’t it?”
“Yeah, if only robotology were more advanced, we would be cooler.”
So it is written, so let it be done.
“If You Buy This Book and Put It on Your Bookshelf, People Will Think You’re Smart.”
How much for this book? I’ll pay a million dollars! No, a billion!!
or we could stop arguing and look up on Oxford English Dictionary: Plural of automaton is, in fact, automata
awesome editorial, by the way. I wish all the ones in the paper were that practical.
I just got my paycheck…
Damn! I think I’m getting deported!
So YOU wrote Cholesterol and Ninjas?? That’s my favorite book of all time. It really kept me on my toes. Now I avoid fried foods and people dressed all in black.
You suckas ALL wrong. “Robotology” is a Futurama reference. “The Church of Robotology.” Frank watches the Simpsons; why wouldn’t you assume he also watches Futurama?
“These soulless automatons will kill every man, woman, child, and cute little puppy with no conscience to hold them back.”
Is the Puppy Blender an automaton?
“You suckas ALL wrong. “Robotology” is a Futurama reference. “The Church of Robotology.” Frank watches the Simpsons; why wouldn’t you assume he also watches Futurama?”
This isn’t the first time Frank has snuck an obscure Futurama reference into his work (and he’s mentioned owning some of the DVDs, I believe).
I think this ranks up there with Jonathon Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” to eat the poor.
Although I usually find that the poor are stringy, dried, tough and filled with perservatives.
Personally I perfer Soylent Green.
Hmmm… Soylent Green….
Swift only wanted to eat the poor’s babies. The cause was eventually taken up by the noted Scottsman Fat Bastard.
Hah, Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” was so great. My teacher had us read it for English this year, and then we got to write our own satire. Mine was pretty good, she said I was a natural at the art. IMAO is my inspiration. I wrote about suicide bombers, and it was actually pretty nice.
At last we can stop sending all the poor people to Alabama. I’m up to the bike rack on my SUV with dirty poor people already. I think Iceland would be a great solution.
But I don’t want to be deported 🙁 Besides I am a Rethuglican, I am going to vote for Bush.
You want to replace all poor people by Bender? You are dumb liberal.
BTW, deporting undesirables is what liberals do.
real conservatives KILL them or leave them alone.
I think we need to deport them to somewhere other than Iceland. Iceland may not have much of a military to object to us, but they do provide one important service:
they really, really piss off the European Union by having really low taxes, such that companies all go to Iceland so that the French and Germans can’t tax them out of existence to pay for more social programs.
And frankly, I think anything that causes the E.U. irritation and pain is fun.
For an alternate solution to the time-consuming deportation, I propose that we create forced labor camps along the US-Mexico border and make them build a vast wall buttressed by a minefield. By doing this, we save costs on robot maintenance and use one democrat voting bloc to keep out another democrat voting bloc. Plus, what are they going to do, sneak across the border to Mexico? Muahahahahaa! ; )
I shall purchase all th epoor people and have them transported to my private estate where I shall hunt them. Muh ha ha ha ha ah!
Frank J’s Final Solution
Frank J has a plan. “Poor people – they have plagued mankind since money was invented to distinguish the better people from the lesser. Not only are they annoying, but they need to eat even though many don’t have money…
Now THAT is twisted!:)
It is amusing that you are writing about this; I am getting a PHD in computer science so I can program robots to not rebel. I have had this vision of making innately conservative, individualistic robots since I was 10 and I probably will in the future. As for the poor, well, I think they will each purchase a robot to do their work eventually and become middle-class. Otherwise, the hardcore lazy and lefties can move to Canada.