Everyone’s trying to tell Frank & Sarah how they should get married. Which is a complete waste of time, because – as the groom – Frank’s job is to stand where he’s told, and SarahK is all strong-headed, so she’s just gonna do whatever she wants, anyway. Sure, she’ll make little noises about “Frank, do you like this china pattern?”, but if Frank’s smart, he’ll just nod & say “Yes, Dear” (handy phrase, that – it’ll save your marriage) instead of giving into temptation and quipping, “Too much blue. It won’t stand out against the sky when I’m really drunk one day and using it for skeet.”
So I’m going to give wedding advice (in the extended entry) to everyone else contemplating marriage, instead. And you damn well better follow it, because I’m a married man & I’ve got street cred, yo.

Continue reading ‘Helpful Wedding Advice’ »

Hello Readers,
RightWingDuck here. I’d like to congratulate the lovely young couple on their new marriage – congratulations Britney and Kevin.
Oh, and Frank and Sarah are getting married too.
Sure some people compare marriage to prison time- except that good behavior just keeps you in even longer. Remember, Frank, if it becomes unbearable, just start drinking heavily while quoting Al Franken.
However, the young couple, if you think about it – was brought together by the good graces of all that is good- yep – IMAO readers.
It seems like just yesterday I was struggling to choose – Bikermommy or SarahK. Had Bikermommy won, I guess that would… never mind.
Okay. So, if we – the empowered and often illogical IMAO readers chose the woman who would one day become Sarah J, then isn’t it only fair that we be allowed to help plan the wedding?

Continue reading ‘IMAO Readers Plan The Wedding’ »

Now that FrankJ has made his intention to marry SarahK incredibly public, his Ol’ Buddy Scott has some Frank Advice on the wedding:

• Set Your Wedding Date On A Holiday By resisting SarahK’s insistence on a springtime wedding ceremony performed during a non-descript date in June, you’ll strengthen your marriage by getting married on a recognized holiday such as May 30th, June 6th, or July 4th. Guys will never remember “I got married on April 29th” but can easily remember: “Hey, it’s July 3rd–I gotta go buy firecrackers and flowers for our wedding anniversary tomorrow.”
• Insist On A “Kid-Free” Wedding Ceremony All women think that their sister’s little boy and their best friend’s little girl would make the perfect ringbearer and flower girl for your wedding; and they’d all be wrong. Kids are supposed to be the outcome of a wedding and having small children running around the church, pulling expensive things off of tabletops, and crying for no apparent reason is not helpful on that very stressful day.
• Use The Generic Wedding Vows You Hear In Movies Nothing screws up a wedding more than having a bride and groom recite personalized wedding vows. She will add something you never agreed to do which starts uncomfortable legal arguments at the altar. You’re no better off because you will forget all of your customized vows when it comes your turn and ad-libbing ain’t your thing, Frank. Tell the preacher to give you the generic wedding vows heard in every movie since 1929 and you’ll be fine.
• Prepare Yourself For Protestant Wedding Guests Some of your wedding guests might not be Catholic; you can tell because the dirty Protestants won’t be the ones kneeling, crossing themselves, standing, ad infinitum during the overly-long ceremony. For this reason, I suggest you not bring firearms to the ceremony but (as the last tip shows) it doesn’t mean you have to have a gun-free wedding!
• Get Creative With The Catering When Sarah chooses the most overblown, seventeen-tiered wedding cake she can find at the baker, you should agree without hesitation. This tactic gives you overall strategic control over the catering (and most importantly) the groom’s cake. By giving SarahK her pretty-princess fantasy wedding cake, you can then get her to agree to a Smith & Wesson-shaped chocolate and peanut butter fudge groom’s cake to compliment your BBQ brisket and/or Pancho’s Mexican buffet spread at the reception.

I’m sure IMAO readers have other Frank Advice for the wedding… drop your suggestion in the Comments for the groom.

“Hung up, strung up, married, or drowned – it’s all the same.”
-Frank J. Sr. (I’m the third)
Having found a girl crazy enough to put up with me, I decided I couldn’t wait any longer. Thus I proposed on Saturday evening (and she said yes!). Probably didn’t notice, but I had butterflies in my stomach all last week leading up to this.
My fiancee details the proposal and my sneaky deceptions pretty well here. Pictures of the ring here.
I feel like I should thank everyone in the blogosphere who helped me along. I started this blog to get my say out there, and never really thought I’d find a wife. I guess first thanks goes to Glenn Reynolds, the Blogfather, who I first started reading and inspired me to blog. He also was a judge in the t-shirt babe competition which was nice of him since I got everybody to call him the puppy blender.
Next thanks goes to Oceanguy of Somewhere on A1A for being the first to permalink me when I was about to give up blogging.
Then I have to thank Geeks with Guns and John Hawkins of RightWingNews for sending me my first real traffic. John Hawkins later asked for permission to put up my posts in full on his site which helped promote me and also was a judge in the t-shirt babe competition.
After that, thanks goes to Emperor Misha I (who has a t-shirt coming out and was another judge for the t-shirt babe competition) and Rachel Lucas – both of whom sent me lots of traffic that led to more regular readers. Rachel Lucas helped me move to my own URL and designed my original banner (part of which is still used). Since she is so hard to e-mail and thank personally, so everyone click on her link in this post (the others are outdated) so maybe she’ll notice the traffic and come here and e-mail me.
Big thanks to Doug of ThoseShirts.com for agreeing to do t-shirts with me and then encouraging my t-shirt babe competition (including adding in a prize). Thanks to all the participants in that competition including the other judges not mentioned thus far: Blackfive, Harvey, Bill Whittle, and No One of Consequence.
I guess I should thank RightWingDuck, a great blog friend, and well as Cadet Happy. Hell, I’ll thank the rest of the IMAO blog family as well, so thank you Scott and Aquaman.
Let’s see… am I forgetting anyone. Well, I guess I’ll thank Eugene Volokh of the Volokh Conspiracy who I consider a partial blog father as his blog was one of the few I read before blogging myself. Little Green Footballs get thanks, because I got some of my first notice in the comments section. Doubly so for Bill Quick of Daily Pundit with his open comment style.
And I especially want to thank all you readers who have kept coming back and encouraging me to write. I never would have kept writing without all your kind words.
Sorry, wasn’t able to come up with an IMW today (something new please happen in the news!). I’ve thought I burnt myself out permanently a number of times and was always wrong, and I’ll be doing this ’till I croak halfway through a post, my head collapsing on the “Publish” button, if I have any say. Anyway, I’m jovial; more funny is to come.
God bless.
UPDATE: Oh yeah, and I should thank Life, Liberty, Etc., long time advertiser who gave me the idea for getting a t-shirt babe when they first advertised.

Hundreds of thousands of peaceful freedom-loving protestors marched through the streets of Taipei, Taiwan to protest the so-called “anti secession law” in Mainland China. Taiwan, a representative republic with an imperfect but working democracy that protects personal liberties for their citizens, has irked communist China because it considers Taiwan a “breakaway province” that should be under the control of a homogenous group of hypocritical, parasitic, money-grubbing, power-mad elitists who seek to micromanage every aspect of people’s lives.
(It should be noted that the aforementioned attributes of the Chinese Communist Party makes them virtually indistinguishable from Democrat members of the U.S. Senate.)
Take a look at the hundreds of thousands of liberty-loving Taiwanese in this photo:

Wow! After looking at this picture of the Taipei freedom march all I can say is: “Hey, where’s the chicks?”
You must remember that when the thousands of Lebanese democracy protestors took to the streets of Beirut a couple of weeks ago, they brought their hot democracy chicks out front and center… So where’s the hot Taiwanese freedom babes?
Mainland China has given us that girl from Crouching Tiger, but the commies have the advantage of having 1.2 billion people to choose from and the law of averages says you’re bound to have some hotties in a pool that big.
I can’t believe that out of those few hundred thousand protestors in Taipei there aren’t any Taiwanese babes that can show up at these rallies. Maybe all of the capitalist Taiwanese babes all have jobs and couldn’t get off work to march in the protest?
Yeah I know it’s a holiday but that shouldn’t stop the sharp-eyed readers of IMAO from scouring the Web for Taiwan’s Freedom Babes.

Apparently the Geman magazine Stern recently published a pictorial essay trying to make America look bad. Davids Medienkritik has the pictures with translated captions.
Those Germans aren’t very nice.
Personally, I refuse to stoop to such childish, slanted tactics. I will only publish the truth, and so I present (in the extended entry) these:

Continue reading ‘Totally True Tidbits About Germany’ »

If I can be serious for a moment, I’d like to talk about Terri Schiavo and the controversy around the whole incident. There’s a lot of anger as the issue seems stark to many, and I think Michael Schiavo has the potential to be the next O.J. Simpson in the way he’s shunned by much of society.
As for the starvation issue, Bill Quick recently lost his father and writes about how he died here. That incident certainly is different in how his father chose not to eat himself, but it is some more firsthand information on whether starvation really is a horrible death.
As for myself, I think my feelings on the issue are affected by my grandfather who suffered from Alzheimer’s. He first was diagnosed when I was quite young – maybe five – and didn’t pass away until I was 21. For at least the last decade, he couldn’t communicate at all and was confined to constant care in a nursing home. This didn’t stop my grandmother and my mother from visiting a number of times each week often with us grandchildren coming along. During college, I made it a point each time I came home to visit my grandfather.
He died during finals week, and I wasn’t able to make it to the funeral. I didn’t see the need, anyway, as it shouldn’t have been sad; his mind died many years ago. It should have been a relief. Yet, his actual death ended up hitting me hard, making me face what I really lost. I can only imagine what it was like for those who knew him longer such as his children and his wife.
I’m probably meandering; there’s a lot of emotion here and it’s hard to come to some exact point. I just know I have sympathy for the parents because as long as their daughter still lives, at least she’s still… there. I frame the issue this way: if she is in a PVS, then it matters not to her if she’s still living and thus giving comfort to her parents. If she isn’t, then it’s murder to kill her. Michael Schiavo may have the legal standing to kill Terri, but he doesn’t have a moral leg to stand on from what I see. If the parents are willing to take the burden of caring for her, why deny that to them? If he so believes she’s in a PVS, then why would it matter to her if she still lives? I don’t know his true motives, but it does seem quite callous. Perhaps I’m missing something.
And I’m tired of talk about the politics involved here. Maybe I’m not being cynical enough, but I think people like Jeb Bush see Terri’s starvation as a life being unjustly taken, and, when life is at stake, isn’t it always laws be damned? Should anyone ever die to preserve the principle of checks and balances? This is no end of federalism or the judiciary, it’s just human nature reacting to one extreme situation.
Well, I think that’s all I wanted to say. Certainly have your own say in the comments.

Ma Deuce Gunner, one of our brave soldiers currently in Iraq, has a moving story about an Iraqi patriot.
Apparently, some people require very basic enumeration of things to not stick into their mouths, so Brian J. has some help for the idiots out there.
Mean Mr. Mustard has good news from Iraq. All I can say is heh. (PG-13)
That’s all for tonight. Be honorable, ronin.

I often hear about songs to listen to while studying or driving. So I came up with some song lists related to starving.
Songs to listen to while starving your wife.

• I used to love her, but I had to kill her. (she got so inconvenient and after all I want to be the husband to the mother of my kids) – by Gun N Roses
• Hungry like the wolf. – by Duran Duran
• Stop (feeding her) in the name of love. – by the Supremes, the three women not the Stupid Court
• Live and let (slowly) die. – by Wings

Songs to listen to while your adulterous husband is starving you.

• Eat it. – by Weird Al Yankovich
• She’s got you. (and hey, she’s got your kids too) – by some country singer
• You don’t own me. (but you can still kill me) – by…I forget, but they sang it on ‘the First Wives’s Club’

Of course I’m sure there are more. So why not tell me in the comments?