Hello, Aquafans.
Giuliana Sgrena, Commie Italian reporter, was fired on by Marines on March 4th. She says she was targeted, and we know the Marines and their penchant for targeting journalists. Still, nothing has been concluded in this case and no evil-doers have been brought to justice.
So, are Marines really targeting law-abiding Commie journalists?
This sounds like a job for…
Archive of entries posted on March 2005
Hot Arab Chicks March For Freedom in Lebanon
Some say that democracy and freedom in the Middle East is impossible, but thanks to the Internet we see just how eye-catching and titilating democracy in the Arab world can be:
In 1776, the men of the thirteen American colonies raised their voices, declared their independence from a foreign tyrant, and took up arms in the cause of freedom. In 2005, the young hotties of Lebanon are casting off their burkas and marching for freedom in the so-called Arab Street.
My prediction is that Lebanon will be free of Syrian rule by the end of the year and the above-pictured women will appear on Howard Stern soon after.
Post your own predictions in “Comments”
RWD’s News Round-Up, Monday
Hello Everyone,
I’m RightWingDuck and I’m here to share the news.
Michael Schiavo rejected it.
Of course, I don’t blame the guys. He has a much better offer. He has 1.6 million dollars plus a wife to be named later.
Sorry, that was harsh. She’s been named. She’s just waiting for a slot in the rotation.
That businessman didn’t do anybody any favors. That offer only makes Mr. Schiavo look good. “Look at me, I’m not about the money.”
Of course it’s a bad deal all around. If he accepted the million bucks Michael would have to turn around and buy Terry’s silence.
BTW, a better proposition: Offer him the money for allowing 90 days of rehab for Terry. Think it through.
Jose Canseco is going up before Congress to give testimony on the use of Steroids in baseball. He’s also going there to plug his new book, “Getting rich and famous with steroids (foreword by Arnold Schwarzenegger).
He’s asking for immunity and some clean needles.
He doesn’t want a lot of immunity – just 65 cc’s.
Ball players are getting nervous over this whole issue. I say just embrace steroids. It’s the perfect solution.
The pharma companies can sponsor new stadium construction.
The tax payers don’ have to pay for it.
And if the stadium is built on the wrong spot – the ball players can get together and PUSH!
Annan Calls Terrorism “Naughty, Naughty, Naughty”
Today, U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, in his most condemning tone to date, has denounced terrorism as ‘naughty, naughty, naughty.’
“Terrorists are very bad boys and girls and anyone who engages in acts of terrorism are naughty, naughty, naughty. They should be put in time out and their toys should all be taken away. They should be sent to their rooms without any supper until they learn how to play nice. If this harsh scolding doesn’t put and end to global terrorism, then we’ll ask them how they’d like having their phone and car priviledges revoked!”
Secretary-General Annan also assured the terrorists he was only laying down some ground rules. Also that there wouldn’t be any sort of real punishment without a few more warnings, some written, some verbal, some performed by classically trained mimes. He further stated any punishment, when approved by Aunt Frenchie, Uncle Jerry and their third cousin Russ, would “hurt me, more than it does you, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.”
This Fake News brought to you by spacemonkey and inspired by this editoon in Cox and Forkum, who in their wisdom have now linked to IMAO. (Ain’t they smart?)
Gratuitous T-Shirt Babe Pic o’ the Day
this is from the latest photo shoot. finger off trigger, gun pointed at Frank’s tv, not Frank J.
Open Thread (Just Like on Kos!)
Talk about what you want here in the comments.
I will mention a topic, though. The Simpsons had been annoying me with getting too political lately, but the episode last night making fun of Commie China was one of their funniest in a long while.
Also, did you catch the Kelsey Grammer Presents: The Sketch Show? I had a feeling that was going to be a disaster, but pretty much every one of their little sketches got a laugh from me. Plus, it had Chloe from 24!
Oh, and the new Star Wars trailer… doesn’t that kick ass! It was certianly worth fast-forwarding through the O.C. on my Tivo to see it. Do think Lucas is just getting our hopes up for the final, ultimate dissapointment?
BTW, for those who think IMAO hasn’t been biblical enough lately, I’ve read some good Bible worth studying. Plus, I have an extra special Bible treat!
Now get discussing!
UPDATE: For American Idol fans, big big news!
In My World: Democrat Politics Never Pays
“So let me see if I understand this, Jeb: you simply arrested a Democrat?”
“Well, the mayor of Orlando was committing election fraud and…”
“Wow, all I had to do was arrest them!” Bush declared, “Thanks, Jeb. As my older brother, you’ve always been looking out for me.”
“I’m your younger brother, and it’s not so simple. See…”
Bush hung up the phone. “So, Speedy, what’s your legal opinion on rounding up and arresting the Democrats?”
“Sounds fun,” Attorney General Alberto Gonzales answered, “I’ll get my sombrero.”
“Get mine too!”
Senator Harry Reid saw his door kicked in. “We’ve heard you’re a Democrat!” Alberto declared.
“That’s crazy!” Reid answered.
“Then what do you think about Bush’s tax cuts?”
“They’re too targeted at the rich.”
“Democrat!” Alberto yelled, “Arrest him!”
“You can’t just arrest me for that!” Reid protested.
“You see this sombrero?” Alberto challenged, pointing to his hat, “It means authority! I do what I want!”
“What about the poncho?”
“It goes with the sombrero, stupid! Now surrender for arrest!”
“Okay,” Reid said, “Just let me get my glasses.”
“He’s resisting arrest!” Alberto shouted, “Deploy nightsticks.”
“I admit it’s not going to be easy to prove you’re a Democrat,” Alberto told Senator Joe Lieberman, “So why don’t we make a deal. It’ll be probation plus time served if you just give me the names of more Democrats.”
White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan burst into Alberto’s office. “I’m hearing that you’ve been arresting and beating Democrats and now I have to answer to the press!”
“I thought I arrested all of them,” Alberto said, confused.
“Apparently not.”
“Well, I’ll go help you answer questions.”
They both walked out to the press room. “So how do you answer to charges of abducting Democrats and beating them with nightsticks?”
Scott started to answer, but Alberto tapped him on the shoulder. “Let me handle this.” He then faced the press and said, “Actually, I used a piñata bat. The piñata bat has a long history in Mexican culture, dating back to when Mexicans first discovered they like to beat things with bats. You have to appreciate other cultures.”
The press nodded knowingly and walked off. “See, that’s how you handle the press, you stupid gringo,” Alberto told Scott.
“You know, you never had an accent until you were appointed to this position.”
Alberto pulled out his piñata bat. “You shut up!”
“With the amount of travel, I think we were sent to another country for trial,” said one frightened Democrat.
A man stepped in amongst the prisoners. “You are all charged with witchcraft. The punishment for that crime is to have your left hand cut off.”
“That’s silly,” Sen. Harry Reid answered, “All we are are Democrats and…”
“The punishment for being a Democrat is death!”
Reid thought for a moment. “Well, I guess I was eight-years-old when I first started casting hexes…”
Fun Trivia
The Official United Nations Guide to Fighting Terrorism
Ever since the first bomb was invented 5000 years ago in Egypt by Alfred Nobel, bad people have used them to blow up innocent civilians.
Mainly in Israel.
However, for the first time since then, the UN has vowed to take concrete action to put a stop to these heinous acts. Secretary General Kofi Annan has promised to think about talking about maybe writing down – ON ACTUAL PAPER, mind you – a treaty which, if adopted, would make murdering people even MORE illegal than it already is.
But until that happy day when all nations stand united in saying “NO! NO!” (instead of merely “NO!”, which hasn’t yet worked, although it certainly MIGHT, if given enough time), the UN has promulgated some stopgap measures that can be implemented immediately.
So, in the interest of public safety, I offer you (in the extended entry) this:
Continue reading ‘The Official United Nations Guide to Fighting Terrorism’ »
Don’t You Hate It?
Links of the Day
Carnival of the Recipes #30 is up over at pamibe, and wow, it’s fabulous! pam is so talented!
both Tammi of Road Warrior Survival and Venomous Kate celebrated blogiversaries this week. congratulations to them!
also, Mike the Marine says goodbye to Dan Rather.
Evil Glenn’s New World Record
(A Filthy Lie)
NOTE: DUE TO MATURE THEMES, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
If you weren’t watching Fox News tonight, I feel sorry for you, because you missed one HELL of a show.
Inspired by Steve Fossett’s recent solo, non-stop, global circumnavigation, the vile and despicable evil dark overlord of the blogosphere and part-time law professor, Glenn Reynolds, was on live TV attempting to set a new world record. I can’t find a link to a video clip, but the transcript is in the extended entry.
(note: I forgot to put the evilness in the extended entry last night. I apologize for the oversight. Remember kids, drugs are BAD, m’kay?)
RWD’s News Round-up, Friday
Hello Everyone, I’m RightWingDuck here to share some news.
There are so many interesting characters in the news lately.
Embattled professor Ward Churchill is now being accused of plagiarism.
Amazing. And the man seemed so genuine.
Let’s see.
He faked his Indian credentials–
Inquiry Board: Are you sure you’re Indian?
Churchill: Of course I am, look at my long hair.
He faked his writing–
Interviewer: Are you sure you’re an author?
Ward: Of course, here’s my book — Das Kapital.
And he faked his humanity–
Co-worker: 3,000 dead at the World Trade Center
Ward: They had it coming.
So, students, remember – it’s okay to write vile, hateful statements about the death of innocents – but the writing must be original.
On the Use of Power
Just like Peter Parker’s, ironically dead, uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility,” or something to that effect. We, like Peter/Spidey, have a responsibility to be responsible with the powerful power we’ve been empowered with so our own uncle Ben isn’t killed in a similarly ironic fashion due to our irresponsible use or lack of use of power.
There’s another saying though. I’m not sure who said it first. Probably some Greek philosopher talking as they were making him drink a poisonous beverage. And it goes, “Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely”.
Taken together, it’s easy to see the powerful have a responsibilty to be corrupt. On top of that, the already corrupt probably need to check to see if there’s some sort of power that they may already have that they may not be aware of somehow that helped them become corrupt in the first place. That would be the responsible thing to do.
So Frank J., being the humor power baron he is, has an obligation nay, dare I say a responsibilty, to use every means within his control to hawk his shirts. and sell his blogads.
That said, its obvious to me now, I’m corrupt too. Powerful? Ironically, no, just corrupt. I checked.
Update: Frank J. since you said you were thinking about a new idea for a tshirt. I had an idea for a new T-shirt and it involves well, see for yourself.
The Real Fire Rages Inside
Hello, Aquafans.
Today, a citizen ran up to me yelling, “Aquaman! We need your help!”
“I’m on my way!” I answered as I jogged to the scene.
An apartment building was ablaze. “So, did you call the fire department?”
“We thought maybe you could do something,” the panicked citizens answered.
“Well, though I am named Aquaman, I don’t actually have water powers,” I explained.
“What can you do?”