In the comments to this post, loyal IMAO reader jimmyb got confused while reading one of my posts and mistakenly attributed it to Frank J. Since confused readers are like cockroaches, I have to assume that if I see one, there are thousands more hiding in the walls, just waiting to sneak into my kitchen in the middle of the night to lay their eggs in my Honey Nut Cheerios.
In order to educate these befuddled folks as a delaying tactic while I try to find that can of Raid (or hairspray and a lighter – whichever), I offer (in the extended entry) this:
Harvey – married for 6 years, beats his wife regularly.
Frank – not married, not sleeping with his fiancé, beats something else regularly.
Harvey – has a full beard
Frank – has two chin whiskers and arranges them in a bad comb-over – fools no one.
Harvey – spent six years in the Navy, travelling around the world and developing a love of short, brown-skinned hookers.
Frank – spent six years caged in a circus sideshow, travelling around Florida and developing an obsessive hatred of monkeys.
Harvey – works as a bank teller. Sleeps in money pajamas.
Frank – works as an engineer. Sleeps with a stuffed Dilbert doll.
Harvey – owns four cats and can’t keep them from peeing on the bathmat.
Frank – owns two cats and can’t keep from peeing on their heads.
Harvey – Atheist, believes God is dead.
Frank – Catholic, believes Pope is dead.
Harvey – Once voted for the Libertarian Party
Frank – Once met a librarian at a party. Or possibly a Liberian. He was really drunk at the time, so he’s not sure what she said.
Harvey – Lives in Wisconsin, but left his heart in San Francisco.
Frank – Lives in Florida, but left a hippy for dead in San Francisco.
Harvey – Once tried to become a lawyer.
Frank – Once tried to bludgeon a lawyer. Or possibly a lemur. Again – really drunk at the time.
Harvey – Has a 130-pound dog that thinks he’s a horse.
Frank – Has a 130-pound fiancé that thinks she’s a cow.
Harvey – Can’t get a concealed carry permit for his Glock, because he lives in a state run by stupid liberals.
Frank – Has a concealed carry permit and lives in a state where it’s legal to shoot stupid liberals (in season, limit three per person).
Harvey – Wishes he were as funny as Frank.
Frank – Wishes he were as funny as Scrappleface.
Harvey – Drove pizza delivery in the ghetto to earn money for college. Frequently mugged by crack addicts.
Frank – Delivered crack in the ghetto to earn money for college. Frequently mugged pizza delivery drivers.
Harvey – Once told his wife “that dress makes you look fat.” He apologized, but still spent a week sleeping on the couch.
Frank – Once told his fiancé “that dress makes you look fat.” Spent a week apologizing to the couch
Really, REALLY drunk.
Hope that clears things up.
it’s all so clear now
oh hey and first. amazing.
Dang, Frank J., that’s the funniest thing you’ve written in a while!
I once accidentally credited you with a post Ducky made.I’m a cockroach. 🙁
This is pretty dadgummed good stuff,Harvey.And btw,your money pajamas kick pinkytoe!
Nicely done Frank! For a minute there I thought you were losing your funny…
Great explanation. But don’t atheists believe God never even existed?
I fan of Nietzsche I see. Keep up the good work, Mr. Atheist.
I didn’t know Frank was an Athiest . . . I thought he was Catholic . . . I also didn’t know he was married, what’s Sarahk have to say about that?
While we are leaning about Frank and Harvey it is time for:
A Filthy Lie!
FrankJ is so evil that even a Canadian likes him and became his chief Canadian blug … wait – this is true!
In fact, its the second true filthy lie about Frank since he claimed overlordship. Does this have implications for Filthy Lies at large or is it proof that FrankJ is unfit to be Overlord? Or is it proof that he is perfect for the job?
Maybe Harvey knows.
p.s. funny post Harvey
p.p.s. (its not p.s.s!) more Canucklugs are welcome to join – you can even make up your own title but I get to be Chief!
Woo-Hoo!!
I always figured my inattention to details, and sloppy reading tactics would pay off.
Look MA! I’m on IMAO!
VIVA LA COCKAROCHA!!!!
Sorry Harv, but there is a little similarity in your styles; either that, or I was really drunk!
Out-loud funny dude. Keep up the good work!
Oops! Forgot to put my name on the last post. Stupid cockroaches!
I’m pretty sure I know which lawyer it was Frank J. tried to bludgeon…
Frank – Has a 130-pound fiancé that thinks she’s a cow.
I fear that you’ll be paying for that line for a long time, Harvey.
Very funny Harvey. One of the best.
Frank: Posts mostly crap with the occasional funny on his own blog
Harvey: Posts mostly crap with the occassional funny on everyone’s blog but his own
(HA!)
Lucifer still sucks. Maybe that’s why the democraps like him so much.
Funny Harv. Thanks for the explanation. Now I should have less difficulty telling you two apart!
“Harvey – married for 6 years, beats his wife regularly.
Frank – not married, not sleeping with his fiancé, beats something else regularly.” That’s some of the funniest funny I’ve seen here in a long time!
On that disappearing thing… it seems to happen because I use Mozilla when I post at IMAO.
I may have to fire up the dreaded Virusnet Explorer and see if that helps.
I refuse to believe Frank actually beats sydney.
I want to see you guys wrestle…..
ONCE AGAIN, NOTHING POSTED ALL SUNDAY LONG aargh
ONCE AGAIN, NOTHING POSTED ALL SUNDAY LONG aargh
That made it worth coming in to work today!
Francesco, I hate you now. I downloaded DROD…
i’m no longer speaking to Harvey.
if i actually did weigh 130 pounds, i would stop weighing myself the minute i got to 128 for fear that i would actually see it. i’ve gotten there before, and on a 5-ft girl…
and thanks, now i’m even more depressed about my body. love ya, Harv! just took you off the guest list. 😉
I was just about to come to your defense, dear SarahK. Harvey, there ain’t NO WAY IN HADES that SarahK comes even remotely close to weighing 130 pounds. Holy crap, she probably doesn’t make it over 100 if she’s soaking wet, the little thing. Shame on you. At that, don’t ever compare your massive, monstrous, slobbering dog to delicate lil’ SarahK, either. I’ll wield my Bo staff against you, man, and I’ve got a shovel to hide the evidence when I’m done.
hee.
flees in terror