Hello Readers,
I took a break from the Round-Up today, (okay, I’ll post it later)
Why?
Because if you’re like most Americans on April 14th, you are getting ready for a very important day tomorrow.
That’s right – the Britney Spears Press Conference – and tax seminar.
People are unclear on many tax issues. I mean, as far as the IRS is concerned, it’s okay to sell your daughter for a car – as long as you claim in the income – and don’t claim her as a dependent.
See? It makes no sense.
So what is a person to do? Get help.
Now the lovely SarahK is a CPA which means that in reality – she’s too busy to help you guys right now.
But the Duck is in.
So go ahead and ask me about any tax questions you might have..
1041? 1042? Whatever it takes.
Post your questions in comments and I’ll answer them in a separate post.
Results Guaranteed*
*DISCLAIMER: Results not guaranteed. Neither RWD nor any of the IMAO crew can vouch for the credibility or authenticity of any answers provided by this site. Taxes are semi-serious business and should be handled by a train professional or the guy next to you in line to get more tax forms. All answers provided are believed to be in compliance with the current tax code system of Burkastan and some other piddly countries. (Authors note: Did you know that Micronesia is really a country? I was shocked too) These questions are also answered in other languages except for West Virginia where the official language is English – much to the surprise of most of their state senators – who probably didn’t read the law before signing it – probably because it was in English. This offer void where prohibited, limited quantities available, objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Sorry no rain checks. Should you or any of your IM family (Instant Messaging) be arrested, IMAO will disavow any knowledge of your actions, but will gladly print transcripts of your one phone call allowed by law.
Dude, I was totally going to get a sweet refund, but now I owe taxes because extra big taxes on my blogging income for it being my own business. How do I write “@#$% you!” on an e-check?
Frank, just do what I did. Get Quickbooks and TurboTax, and let them talk to each other. Between the two of them they work it out. Also, have three kids. Then you get loads of money back!
do these slave children i have in my basement count as dependents? or just employees?
Can I deduct my dog? Actually, he’s not even mine. We’re not even related. But the little sucker cost me $700 yesterday for surgery.
And I didn’t even get a.. no we won’t go there… from his owner.
If I strangle her, can I deduct that?
And how about the cost of the rope?
Can I dedcut the cost of the DSL service I used to post this?
Enquiring minds want to know.
Please post the answers soon. I can be reached at one of the local jails. Just inquire.
Ummm
“dedcut”
Hmmm.
It’s too late. Even my typos have a mind of their own.
Maybe I should go into blogging.
a ” train professional” looks like a likely target too, if I can’t off the dog or the woman before I have coffee.
But in jail, you can’t hear me laugh. Besides, they don’t serve real coffee. Only decaf. That doesn’t even count, can I deduct that too?
I got a sweet refund and bought a gun.
What a country.
You stated that taxes are serious business and should be handled by a train professional. Are these limited to the conducters and tickettakers? Or can hobo’s also qualify? Does this mean that I should stop my practice of snapping hobo’s in two when I see them? I’m so confused, taxes are hard.
Grim, a gun since the 226?
Why are people happy about getting refunds? I mean the goverment has been stealing all that money to begin with… so if i were to get a refund i would be pissed. how about you ducky?
Here in Florida we now get a federal income tax deduction for paying state sales tax when you itemize your return. This can come in handy if you purchase “big ticket” items like a boat, car or an M1 Abrams tank. Would saving all my receipts from filling up my “SUV” be helpful?
well the whole idea is that it is money that you had written off as lost forever, and then you get some back.
it’s like if you lost your wallet with $1000 in it. 8 months later you find it, but it only has $125. you’re still pissed about losing the whole thing, but at the same time thrilled to get a little piece of it back.
I deducted all the guns and ammo I bought last year. Seems to me that this is a legitimate expense ’cause Uncle Sam doesn’t buy the stuff to equip the Citizen Militia. Besides, how else am I going to go Cat Hunting?
Umm. Ok, I run a small import business that brings in agricultural commodities from Columbia and Peru. The profits from that business are funneled through several fine, upscale gentlemens establishments. All of these are under a single umbrella company. My company is incorporated in Nevada, from which I get a small salary. I run a second company in St. Kitts that provides that consulting services to the first company in Nevada. The Nevada company pays a consulting fee to the St. Kitts company, which in turn pays a large consultants fee to me. That fee is deposited into a Panama bank, those funds are reached by a credit/debit card here in the States, so the money never enters a US bank. Is there anything else I can do to hide my income from the IRS?
doublek,
It’s sweet until you realize that next year, you will have to pay federal taxes on the refund. It’s the law. Since you took it as a deduction, the refund counts as income.
RWD,
My question is:
I carry all these losers at work on my back. Can I claim them as dependents?
I don’t have a question, but I did find out today that if you pay $1000s of bucks for your kid to go to a university it will save you a few 100s on your taxes.
It’s not exactly equitable but today I’ll take it.
Steve L.
But…but…that doesn’t seem quite legal? Of course it MUST be…it is the IRS, they wouldn’t lie to me. Right?
JamesT. – hire illegal immigrants and don’t declare their withholding, but deduct it from their pay anyway… that’ll give you a few extra bucks for each employee.
Well, JamesT, I for one can’t advise you about your tortuous income trail.
Could you email with the addresses of the ‘upscale gentlemens establishments” though? I’m sure you’ll eventually get some of the dough I leave behind unless the ladies have an even better program at hiding it than you do.
Oh, and are they willing to be seen with old guys? If not, the disguises might be deductible. If they’re friendly enough, I might be expired before I have to worry about it anyway.
Can I deduct the cost of the Jaws of Life that the fire department broke when prying me out of my car because I’m too fat, stinky and ate too many cheesy fries and ham? You can hear the drama unfold here
Actually Dave in Texas, you can take a tax CREDIT for two years for out-of-pocket expenses for higher education for each of your kiddos. Now, you can take a lifetime deduction for the expenses, but that isn’t as lucrative. Of course, our moronic son rushed out and did his own taxes the second year and claimed the credit for himself. Since his income was so low, he couldn’t get the full credit back, he could only get part of it.
Doublek, that’s why I don’t take my state taxes off my federal taxes any more. When you do, the feds are giving you credit for money you eventually get back, so that money has to be turned into income. The bastards.
Steve L. – sounds like you wasted all that money on sonny-boy’s education if you refer to him as “moronic.”
Clearly he is unworthy to be Overlord of the Blogosphere.
Do what I do every year:
1. Go cruising through the bad part of town for some crazy homeless people.
2. Name them. Make them realistic names, like “Lonny grabtrickle,” and “Jimmy hunsnuffle.”
3. Bring them home with you, lock them in the garage, and feed them dogfood.
4. Claim them as dependants.
5. Rake in the dough for more puppy shakes.
Um, ok, first of all, I have a TX driver’s license, but I haven’t had a permanent residence for 2 years. So will AZ, WA, or LA be mad if I don’t pay them taxes?
Second, can I deduct my glasses as a business expense, since I have to see to work? What if I don’t actually work? Is globe-trotting playboy a home business, even though there is no actual home?
Oh, JamesT, in TX it is legal to sell certain products. That’s a little known fact. However, there is a special tax stamp required of 10000$US per pound. I’m sure you can deduct that from federal taxes.
Finally, do multiple personalities count as dependents?