Ahoy! Tis be Dread Pirate J. once again. I never care much for the likes of judges, but the Parliament has practically been keelhauling John Roberts, him keeping his calm through the whole ordeal. Those scallywag Democrat Senators want a judge who could look at a treasure map and discover a right for free prescription drugs, but they’ll not get their wish.
So who will be the next judge to be nominated? I’ll share some information I had found in a parchment from a ship we plundered. The next nominee for the Supreme Court will be…
The Uber Conservative!
Arrr!
Some say he be but legend – a tale told by those overtaken by sea-madness – but I say otherwise! An un-Godly creation he be, made from mixing the DNA of Reagan, Goldwater, William F. Buckley, and Bork and then infused with essence of dragon and woodchuck. He be so conservative, that he must be held in a sealed chamber by a strong magnetic field to keep his conservative power from breaking free and destroying everything.
Double arrr!
I hear, though, that the wily Bush will unleash him before the judicial committee. The extreme conservatism emanating from him will destroy all the Democrats in attendance. Even the blubberous Ted Kennedy will be melted to a giant pile of goo reeking of rum. Har har! A lovely site it will be.
Now where’s me grog?
First!!!!!!
I’m for Roberts, let’s see if you still are after a few ‘activist judge’ rulings.
Frank,… Actually, the Uber-conservative you referenced , Oobie as I like to affectionately call him, isn’t to be the next judge nominated. But he’ll be here soon enough.
Watch for his sign in the sky as the snow is melting from the northern states (he just loves that Batman schtick).
*sweet, FIRST!!!
Well swash my buckles, none of those bilge rats be commenting in pirate-speak. Give ’em the black dot!
You guys will wish you hadn’t usurped my firstness…
The party of Lincoln and Liberty was transmogrified into the party of hairy-backed swamp developers and corporate shills, faith-based economists, fundamentalist bullies with Bibles, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, misanthropic frat boys, shrieking midgets of AM radio, tax cheats, nihilists in golf pants, brownshirts in pinstripes, sweatshop tycoons, hacks, fakirs, aggressive dorks, Lamborghini libertarians, people who believe Neil Armstrong’s moonwalk was filmed in Roswell, New Mexico, little honkers out to diminish the rest of us, Newt’s evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man suspicious of the free flow of information and of secular institutions, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk.
What foul language this be from Hah. “Transmogrified”, sounds like the words of the devil himself. Tied to the missen-mast, lashed and then thrown to Davey Jones locker for blaspheme should be the punishment for this treacherous mutiny.
Arrrrrrrrr! Tooo many seadogs be disrespectin’ o’ th’ cap’n, methinks! Three cheers for the dread judge Roberts, says I!
hah: Wow, that was really impessive. I think I speak for eveyone here when I say, “You’ve undeniably brought us all over to your way of thinking by the sheer cut and pastiness of your fingers.”
I mean how can anyone disagree with someone capable of copying a 111(one hundred and eleven) word sentence without attributing its author, the brain-be-gone, dazed Garrison Keiller?
Really, if you can’t come up with an original slam of the president and funny names for his supporters, at least show the decency to give props to those who can.
Garrrr, it be Garrrrrrrison Keillor.
aye, that be well said, spacemonkey
Well, now that it appears that the Dread Judge Roberts will take his rightful place as Chief Justice (Justices assemble!!!), we need to replay the fair Lady O’Connor.
The Pundents, Press, and Dems say her sucessor “should” be; a bright young independent woman from a progressive location (i.e. Blue State), with D.C. legal experience, and a strong will…
I got it!
I nominate … Ann Coulter!!!
(I wish GW would do JUST to see the Senate Hearings! Imagine Ted Kennedy and Ann going at it! Any Leahey? Man that would be killer entertainment!)
Wait, you mean the next nomination is going to be Anne Colture?
Opps. em.. I mean, Aarr!
Eye, Scotty, I mean the fetching blonde harlet from the Manhatten shores. The fair Lady Anne Colture!
She’d shove a burr and her boot right up the Arse of the blovating Senator from Chappaquik…
Yarr, the dread Judge Roberts! But the Uber-con judge needs a 20mm mini-rocket launcher in his arm to deal with infidels.
Arr, since when is Ann a harlot, matey?
Gaaaaaaar, maties! We be too acceptin’ of these liberal bilgerats. To the plank with ’em! Take no prisoners, ye seadogs!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! (FOR GREAT JUSTICE!)