Millions of people evacuated, only needing to be moved back in.
Thousands of abandoned and stranded cars.
Millions of gallons of gas wasted.
Billions of dollars in lost production.
A few dozen people dead from the evacuation.
A fire or two in Galveston.
Some trees knocked down here and there.
But it was all worth it to guarantee that the Motley Crue concert at Toyota Center was cancelled.
Okay, folks… how will this all be blamed on Bus?
My guess is that Haliburton will get the contracts to widen the freeways. Oh, and Donald Rumsfeld secretly owns a stake in many major bottled-water companies.
first!
Karl Rove. You forgot to mention how Karl Rove is behind the hurricane in the first place.
Gunlord
FIRST(meaningful post other than just typing “first”)!
Well, everyone knows that Texas is Bushs’ favorite state so that is why FEMA was there early and with extra help.
Also NASA used its magic and steered Rita east back to LA…on Bush’s orders.
More to come
Papa Ray
Simple DUH
by destroying the oil center it allows big oil weaks of free price gouging and gives them a crutch to dupe the masses into putting an oil well in bambi’s home
Just glad you’re not dead and Motley Crue isn’t playing.
Actually earth science people are now surmising that those many California windmills caused a westerly flow of air that pushed Rita in a Easterly direction. It’s Arnold’s fault!
BusHitler is behind it all! They didn’t sign Kyoto! And I’m sure that tax cuts had something to do with this too!
lol. 😀
I blame Bus.
Why is it that everybody ends up blaming the Bus? Didn’t you folks ever consider that the airlines might be implicit in this?
Pomoze Boz.
My sources inside of the defense industry have finally given me the skinny on what’s REALLY happening on the Gulf Coast, and why Bush went to Colorado:
The Northern Command is, of course, where the main Command and Control center of the USAF Weather Control Battalion is located, the same unit that proved so effective in conducting selective weather strikes against African-Americans in New Orleans.
The main weapon of the WCB is the RNC 2000, an advanced computer-controlled weather alteration system developed in a joint project by Morton Thiokol and Halliburton. The system has proved singularly successful in destroying the Liberal powerbase in the one American region it has been tested on, and the second upcoming test is forecast to be just as effective. The President, himself, has flown to the Northern Command center to observe the latest deployment, and as CIC he will give the last-minute targeting orders to ensure that the greatest damage is done by Rita to minority-inhabited areas while minimizing the impact on petroleum production.
In a brief press conference, the President stated, “I was especially pleased with the performance of the Race Targeting Module during the last deployment [Katrina]; it proved beyond doubt that the RNC 2000 is capable of surgical weatherstrikes at the heart of the liberal powerbase in this country.”
Jane’s Defense Weekly is reporting that even more precision targeting capability is being developed. “Raytheon has joined the development team for a new targeting system, the DNC Target Aquisition Module (DTAM) which will further localize weather strikes, allowing the RNC 2000 to create bad weather wherever the Democratic National Committee meets for their next convention.” An anonymous source within Raytheon told the New York Times, “There is also talk of developing a ‘Hillary module,’ which would give the RNC 2000 the capability to form cloudbursts and downpours over ‘Hillary for President’ rallies, but that may be only a rumor.”
So, the truth is out. 😉
Tsar Lazar
Of course, the real proof that Tsar’s claim is true is apparent by all of the Category 3 or stronger hurricanes that have been pounding the northeast and the west coast.
It’s Bush’s fault because…well…everything is Bush’s fault…
What SkyeChild said.
Tsar A masterpiece of a job!
I would however, be very concerned that a cowboy president has his fingers that close to a button that could actually rain on Hillary’s parade!
If such were to happen, I’m more concerned that Sharpton, Jesse, Charlie, and the Banana Boat kid, would all be protesting that only white folk get rained on and therefore, they can’t demand $$$$$ for their people as retribution -reparations or whatever.
You Might Be A Republican If…
…you believe Bush’s tax cuts, a larger government, spending billions of dollars in wars and nation building have nothing to do with the deficit
…you believe that lying about sex is impeachable, but it is a fine thing to lie about the reasons American boys and girls are dying and being dismembered in an illegal war
…you believe spending money to build schools in America is a waste, but you support spending money to build schools in Iraq and Afghanistan
…you believe spending $40 billion a year for the Department of Education is too much, but spending $87 billion to rebuild the country we just spent billions of dollars bombing is good foreign policy
…you believe it’s patriotic and supportive of the military that Bush loves sending our troops into wars, and simultaneously cuts veteran’s benefits, military hazard pay and military family services.
…you believe raising the minimum wage to give more money to the working poor will cause inflation, but giving billions of dollars to the richest 5% of Americans will boost the economy
…you support the rights of a fetus, but if a baby is born to a poor person, you don’t believe the mother or the baby has the right to food, shelter or financial support
…you call anyone with opinions to the left of George W. Bush a “communist”
…you call yourself a “patriotic American,” but yet you display confederate flags to honor the people who rebelled against the USA
…you believe it’s perfectly fine to send American jobs overseas for cheaper labor costs where children work for pennies a day in hellish conditions
…you believe everyone who isn’t a Protestant Christian is going to Hell
…you believe homosexuals should be tortured to death just for being homosexuals
…you believe we deserved to be attacked on 9/11 because we have homosexuals, feminists and liberals in this country
…you believe that liberals are a threat to humanity, but breathing dirty air, drinking dirty water, the polar ice caps melting and other ecological problems are good for you and good for business
…you believe that AIDS is divine punishment for sinfulness, even when babies are born with it
…you believe that people without scientific training are qualified to determine the content of biology texts
…you believe that federal welfare weakens people, but corporate welfare strengthens business
…you believe that global temperatures are affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth’s climate that occur in cycles exceeding 10,000 years, even though you don’t believe that the earth is that old
…you believe that while you could never be homosexual yourself, other heterosexuals could easily be converted to homosexuality just by being in the presence of a homosexual
…you believe that state courts can’t be trusted to punish businesses or examine ballots fairly, but you believe they can be trusted to administer the death penalty fairly
…you believe that power wielded by business is good but power wielded by government or the people is dangerous
…you believe that environmentalists don’t care about nature, but mining interests, power companies and major polluters do
…you believe that youths won’t have sex if they’re never taught about birth control
…you believe that the ACLU is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the NRA is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution
…you believe that inheritance doesn’t breed the same type of slothfulness that other forms of entitlement do
…you believe that communism was not a viable system while simultaneously believing that only the “genius” of Ronald Reagan was able to defeat it
…you believe that all Americans compete on a level playing field
…you believe that Ken Starr is really a gentleman
…you believe that there is some magical quality about unregulated markets that cause businesses to operate in the public’s best interests
…you believe that Republicans that sell missiles to our enemies deserve to be on Mt. Rushmore
…you believe that not examining ballots and appealing to judges is the best way to determine the outcome of an election
…you believe in state-sponsored public prayer in schools, as long as the children aren’t praying to any gods other than your god
…you believe that you love Jesus Christ, and that Jesus Christ loves you, and that Jesus Christ shares your hatred of liberals, the ACLU, feminists, environmentalists, AIDS victims, homosexuals, President Clinton, Hillary Clinton and the poor on welfare
…you believe that socialism hasn’t worked anywhere, and that Europe doesn’t exist or is irrelevant
…you believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of sixth-graders when they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Holy Bible, which is filled with sex and violence, is good reading for all children
If you think Rob Reiner had to stretch to play the liberal in “All in the Family”
If you think the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.
If you’ve spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don’t see how today could be too much different from the ’60s.
If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal, unless the crime is sexual harassment, or racism.
If you use the term ‘open-minded’ and don’t care that it can’t be defined in absolute terms.
If you think only white people can be racist.
If Clarence Thomas made you sick, Bob Packwood made you protest, but Bill Clinton is a victim of partisan politics.
If you think that teenager’s sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a “correctional institution”.
If you think Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee are articulate geniuses but Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes and Dr. Walter Williams are dolts.
If you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren’t and don’t.
If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are “written in stone”.
If you think burning the United States flag should be Constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.
If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate
If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people’s lives.
If you believe that posting the “Ten Commandments” in schools will hurt the children, but putting “Heather Has Two Mommies” or “Ask Alice” (on the internet) won’t.
If you think that the American Dream could have only been accomplished in the ’60s.
if you think that conservatives have no sense of humor then shudder at the idea of a Clinton joke.
If you actually do believe that Clinton doesn’t know the definition of the words “alone”, “is”, or “correct”.
If you believe that Columbus is a mean-spirit bringer of genocide, and never should have explored to the new world, which meant that no one would have religious or taxation freedom whatsoever.
If you think that the only way the tragedy in Littleton, CO could have been avoided was to restrict the access of the guns, two of which were bought on the black market.
If you actually think the multicultural movement of the ’90s works better than organized religion.
If you don’t want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won’t do the right thing.
You’re a liberal if you can’t see the irony in your own beliefs.
If you believe Peter Jennings is a very educated and intelligent man.
If you can actually believe everyone around Bill Clinton is lying, but Bill Clinton himself is telling the truth.
If you point to God’s forgiveness of King David in reference to Bill Clinton but “forget” to read the rest of the scripture about the ruin that he inflicted on his family, his kingdom and himself.
If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is Christian bashing.
If you want to make the rich “pay their fair share” but leave Ted (more people have been killed in my car than in an American nuclear power plant) Kennedy and Dick Gebhardt out of the definition of the rich.
If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while “forgetting” about her getting in her limo and driving away) but Mother Teresa makes you uncomfortable.
If you think that “dumbing down” America’s school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is “mean spirited”, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.
If you think that Teddy Kennedy, Jesse Jackson and the KKK don’t have anything in common (at least the KKK is honest about their goals).
If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.
You’re a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the “Christian Right” is dangerous and needs to be done away with.
If you don’t see the parallel between yourself, Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao.
If you believe that the “700 Club” are a group of fakes or actors but the people on “The Jerry Springer” show are real people.
If you actually refer to the Reagan and Bush Presidencies as one Presidency.
If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.
If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.
If you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they’re extremists!
If Sean Hannity makes no sense and Alan Colmes makes perfect sense.
If you voted for Mondale in 1984 thinking that raising your taxes was a good idea.
If you refer to listening to Jesse Jackson or Sam Donaldson as “equal time”.
If you make snide remarks to guys for looking at women but champion Clinton’s right to do whatever he wants with his interns.
If you think the impeachment vote was ‘just about sex’.
If you think all the attacks against Republicans are justified, but got outraged about the Willie Horton incident.
If you actually think Clinton ‘only inhaled’.
If the last ‘good old president’ you remember was Carter.
If you condemn Dan Quayle for misspelling potato and then ignore the witticisms of Al Gore (who are these people?)
If you think Alec Baldwin was justified in his protest on the Jay Leno show.
If you actually think there IS a way that the Republicans can poison the water supply to certain people, and destroy the ozone layer.
If you believe any of the conspiracies such as that the AIDS virus was started by the government or that certain products cause sterility in black males, but think “The X-files” is too far fetched.
If you think that Watergate and Iran-Contra was a travesty of justice, but anything against Clinton is partisan!
If you believe VH-1 when they tell you that warning labels were put on by “Conservatives led by Tipper Gore”.
If you believe Clinton’s ‘change of heart’ after the sudden switch in the 1994 election.
If you use the words “right wing extremist” at least four times in any given day.
If you think that bombing on Iraq couldn’t have possibly had anything to do with the impeachment vote… then why did they stop as soon as the vote was done?
If you think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should have fair justice.
You complain that your community has too many white people and the Catholic church you go to doesn’t have enough ethnicity, but you’re the first one with a for sale sign in your yard when blacks start moving in.
You called Vietnam Veterans “baby killers” but think that allowing a woman to suck her baby into a sink is a constitutionally protected right.
You think that Joe Camel and big tobacco are out to kill your babies, but allowing a babies brain to be sucked out of its skull when it’s 1/3 of the way out of the birth canal is paramount to a free society.
You scream if a CEO sleeps with an employee but think that Clinton receiveing oral sex from an Intern is just fine.
You believe that Clinton was forced to lie under oath by the “Vast Right Wing Conspiracy”
You think that Ken Starr is the devil’s helper for calling Monica’s mother to testify but believe that Ollie North’s wife and minister being called before the grand Jury was fair.
You believe Clinton’s numbers about the number of jobs created and don’t credit it to the businesses given opportunities in the 1980s.
You know no recorded economic history (e.g. the massive stagflation and recession) before the Reagan Era.
You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying.
You get mad when rape victims’ sexual history is plastered all over the news media, but think Paula Jones’ sexual history “must be made public.”
You hate Hillary jokes.
You hate Monica jokes.
You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice.
You fully support women who have “exercised their right to choose” when they abort in the 3rd trimester, but think Amy Grossberg should get the death penalty before the trial even goes to court.
You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.
You wear a red ribbon to show your support for a cure for AIDS but oppose all animal experimentation needed to find that cure
If you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act BUT, if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive.
You are convinced that Frank Capra films and Norman Rockwell paintings are lies and distortions but “Platoon,” “Dances with Wolves” and “Thelma and Louise” are realistic.
You thought Walt Disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie – until it made Pocahontas.
You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.
You agonize over threats to the natural environment (acid rain, toxic waste) but are oblivious to threats to the social environment (pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution).
You are appalled at all the money being spent investigating the alleged illegal activities of Bill Clinton, but insist that investigating 75 charges (74 which were dismissed as unfounded) charges against Newt Ginrich was “the only just thing to do.”
You want to outlaw cigarrettes and legalize marijuana
You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns. You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment.
You believe the National Rifle Association helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent.
You think Rush Limbaugh is responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing but are outraged by suggestions that Ted Kaczynski (the suspected Unabomber) and Al Gore have anything in common.
You just know that everything Rush Limbaugh says is a lie but you have never listened to him.
Jesse Jackson makes sense to you. Barbra Streisand makes even more sense.
You think Herblock cartoons are funny and Janet Reno is totally hot.
You believe corporate profits are obscene but government spending is too low and the American people are undertaxed.
You see cartoons condemning religions and making fun of Christianity as funny and an expression of free speech, but think the cartoon B.C. should be banned.
You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.
You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.
You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.
You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but AIDS activists who bash the Pope and People for the American Way types who go psycho over Protestant “fundamentalists” are guardians of democracy.
You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.
You think the black middle class is a myth created by Newt Gingrich.
You view race riots as justifiable expressions of rage over injustice and fail to see the similarities between a black mob burning a Korean store and a white mob in the Jim Crow era lynching a black man.
You don’t understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else’s employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.
You marched against American involvement in Vietnam, thought the Gulf war was unnecessary but believe 25,000 U.S. troops in Bosnia are vital to our national interests.
You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and an entertainment industry that glorifies drug abuse. But you believe Richard Nixon is responsible for everything horrible that’s happened in the past quarter-century.
You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at Waco had it coming but the illegal immigrants roughed up by California deputies – after leading them on a high-speed chase – are the victims of the decade.
You continually say that conservatives have no sense of humor, but after reading this, think that I am cold and mean-spirited.
^_^
Pomoze Bog.
SHEESH!! Nanashi, you need to warn us when you are about to do that. I needed a few moments to open a fresh beer before tackling THAT list! (:p)
“…and Janet Reno is totally hot.”
That was just the wrong thing to read early on a Monday morning. But it did wake me up.
Great response, Nanashi