Ah! These Alito hearings are boring and pointless, but they’re all that’s going on politically right now. It’s all a floor show, but it could be worse.
TOP TEN WAYS THE ALITO HEARING COULD BE MORE POINTLESS
10. Make it one long monologue by Senator Biden.
9. Conduct it in Esperanto.
8. Spend an hour trying to teach Ted Kennedy how to pronounce UH-LEE-TOE.
7. Everyone is supposed to scream really loud if anyone says “stare decisis.”
6. All questions and statements must be in the form of a baseball analogy.
5. Have Ted Kennedy do a dramatic reading of his children’s book about his dog named Splash.
4. Give Coco the Gorilla a chance to question Alito (if this in place of Biden or Kennedy, this would actually improve the hearings, though).
3. Constant recesses to find the beach ball that was being hit around the room.
2. Have Alito publically analyze the plot to A League of Their Own and explain what it teaches about gender diversity.
And the number one way the Alito hearings could be more pointless…
Archive of entries posted on 10th January 2006
Fun Trivia
What’s the history of the word pajamas, anyway?
Just in case you’re curious, Podictionary’s episode today covers the history of the word pajamas.
And here I was, thinking that Charles Johnson and Roger L. Simon invented the word, but it’s actually a real word. With a definition and everything!
Because I’ve run out of Crappy Bedtime Stories, Podictionary is one of the many podcasts that I’ve been wanting to parody within the IMAO Podcast. However, this would involve picking up a book, opening it, and reading it instead of laughing when a kittycat jumps in my lap and sniffs the pages.
Maybe if I didn’t use kitty treats as bookmarks, I might not have kittycats leaping into my lap to sniff the pages. Or dozens of smushed kitty treats in every book on the shelf.
Monsters Under the Bed
As I was trying to go to sleep, I heard scratching under the bed. Naturally, I thought it was my dumb cat Sydney, so I shouted, “Stop that, Sydney, or I’ll hit you with a rock!”
The scratching continued, so I looked under the bed to grab and shake the dumb cat… but no cat was there. Then I noticed a hole in the thin sheet that made the bottom of the box spring and two lumps moving around on it. I slowly gabbed my shotgun and lay back in bed. As I quietly as possible chambered a round, I told SarahK, failing not to panic, “They’re… inside… the bed!”
Okay, the last part wasn’t true, but the cats did get in the box spring and made scratching noises all night. File that under yet another annoying thing the cats do that a dog wouldn’t.
BTW, aren’t we the cutest couple? Awww…