** IMAO Breaking News *** Must Credit IMAO Now ***
In a move that plays to its classic strengths in working with mainland China, Microsoft today announced it will help with the censoring of all ads for Chinese car manufacturer, Geely, which plans to sell cars to the US.
When asked about this new deal, Bil Gates offered, “We feel that consumers will appreciate the consistency. We have strong experience in censoring blogs and that should let us close all the back doors.” Mr. Gates was pressed for time because his team is working hard to close a loophole that allows any hacker to completely destroy every single Window’s system every made. In fact, recent reports suggest that the most secure window systems are those currently made out of glass made by Microsoft.
The Chinese are excited to offer cars to consumers who are not living in China. Said a Geely spokesman, “Despite China’s massive economic success, our company (which is privately owned) thought we could make more money if we sold cars to people who had money sold cars overseas.” Chinese cars have not fared well in the outside marketplace. Recently, one Chinese SUV received a very poor Excellent rating in European crash tests. Although it did poorly in tests where it had to crash into a brick wall, it performed much better when being crashed into a wall of whipped cream an even stronger brick wall.
IMAO will make every effort to make fun of keep you up to date on this development.

The first day of Senate hearings on Samuel Alito have started today, and I have some tips for him to help him sail through them unscathed:
FRANK ADVICE FOR SAMUEL ALITO
* Always smile; that makes you look amiable. Since we Republicans seem to have a problem with this, just make sure you know that a smile is different from baring your teeth.
* Don’t quote the Constitution; that will just confuse most of the Senators.
* If asked about Roe v. Wade, say, “I have no formal opinion on that judicial decision Blackmun crapped out.”
* You’re Italian, so you must have Mafia connections. Have them rough up any Senators who are bad mouthing you. You could have a few Senators wake up with a horse head in their beds, but Ted Kennedy might just consider it breakfast in bed.
* Make sure to bring a big meatball sub to the hearings so you’ll have something to eat if they take a long time.
* It’ll take more whacks to the head with a tire iron to put some sense into Schumer than you think, so it’s probably not worth it.
* I find that if I get nervous during public speaking, holding onto a large, fixed-blade knife helps calm me down.
* If questions get heated, don’t lose your temper. Remember: it’s a lifetime appointment, so there will be plenty of time to beat to death your dissenters in a dark alley after you’re a Supreme Court Justice.
* The Democratic Senators are not as fearsome as they seem; one Molotov cocktail hurled their direction is all it takes to intimidate them.
* If you become afraid the Senator Hillary Clinton will eat your soul during the hearings, simply wear a cross and some garlic.
* In the end, it’s just a popularity contest. So make sure to wear a leather jacket and sunglasses so people will think you’re cool.

There actually is a Bob Loblaw, and he does have a Bob Loblaw Law Blog.

Hey look! The Sixth Annual Weblog Awards are taking nominations! They have a podcast category this time! So… you know… whatever…

Also, I am wearing pants! It’s a gesture that most of the people at work really seem to appreciate.
I will update this post as situations warrant.

First terrorists were suicide bombing, and now, quite alarmingly, things higher up in the evolutionary chain have adopted suicide attacks as well.

Hooray! Sharon is coming out of his coma. I had specifically prayed to God, “Please don’t let Sharon die… even though he’s a joooo.”
Waking out of long coma used to be a trying and disorientating ordeal, but that was before Tivo.