Senator John McCain recently criticized Donald Rumsfeld’s handling of the Iraq War, saying “I think that Donald Rumsfeld will go down in history as one of the worst secretaries of defense in history.”
Jimmy Carter’s SECDEF Harold Brown was reportedly thrilled at the prospect of having his picture moved up a notch on the Wall of Shame.
So why exactly IS Captain Combover so pissed at Rummy?
I have several theories…:
- Frank J. never wrote an In My World featuring McCain’s dog – “Yips: The World’s Annoyingest Poodle”.
- Unlike McCain, Rumsfeld favors abortions – as late as the 300th trimester for terrorists.
- Amongst his other blunders in Iraq, Rumsfeld gave Iraqis MORE freedom of speech during the 60 days preceeding an election.
- Jealous of Rumsfeld’s ability to remove a human spine with one lightning-fast, yet seemingly casual, hand gesture.
- While McCain was filibustering in the Senate, Rumsfeld was filibustering Mrs. McCain.
- Next to Rumsfeld’s pile of strangled terrorists, reporters, and Democrats, McCain’s pile of strangled Tickle-Me-Elmos just looks kinda sad.
- Thanks to Rumsfeld, McCain’s “Gang of 14” has become known as the “Gang of beaten-up lunch-money hander-overers”
- Although “Gang of the wedgied” is becoming the increasingly common term.
- Rumsfeld kept popping out of random closets and yelling “Torture!”, just to watch McCain flinch.
- A little miffed about Rumsfeld’s plan to invade Arizona and steal its illegal immigrants.
- Two words: Hairline Envy
Any other possibilities?
Penis envy?
(I know that’s not all that funny but I enjoy using the word “penis” in a public venue)
He thinks the name “Rumsfeld” sounds vaguely Jooooo-ish.
I don’t have a new one but I think this one …
//* Jealous of Rumsfeld’s ability to remove a human spine with one lightning-fast, yet seemingly casual, hand gesture.//
…gives Rumsfeld an awesome Predator status that anyone would envy.
Rumsfeld’s widely-reported comment about McCain’s role in the Gang of 14: “He’s too pathetic for me to even bother strangling.”
Jealous of Rumsfeld’s ability to stay grounded despite the direction of the political winds.
Rumsfeld should kill the one McCain loves the most: His own voice. Just a quick Larynx chop should do it.
Harvey, normally I’d agree with you/ laugh with you but I think all but calling McCain a wimp is a bit much. Being a former P.O.W. kind of kills that whole train of thought. you can make fun of other things about him. Just being tough, not so much. Bid you and yours peace love and understanding
all the best,
ceann rua
I’m not sure why everyone’s so worked up about McCain. He’s easy to handle. Just plop down a deck of cards in front of him and say “Why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire.” Works every time.
Either that or sit him down with the complete seasons of Matlock. VHS though. DVDs might confuse him. Just make sure he gets his nap and applesauce after though. Or he’ll get cranky and take another swing at the Internet and valid political debate.
“Amongst his other blunders in Iraq, Rumsfeld gave Iraqis MORE freedom of speech during the 60 days preceding an election.” sounds like the best reason, actually.
Although…from what I’ve read elsewhere, McCain is now attempting to distance himself from McCain-Feingold now that he’s the one who stands to lose by not dipping his own hand in the funding cookie jar. So it looks like McCain is pulling the “Do as I say, not as I do” manoeuvre.
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