Chocolate. Peanut butter. Each great things on their own, but when Albert Einstein discovered the two could be combined into something even greater, he was rightly hailed as a genius. Hope and change are each great things on their own, but I say it’s time we combine them into a tasty peanut butter cup of progress.
The American people seem to be desperate for hope and change. At each of my campaign stops, people come to me and say, “Osama…” — not my actual name, but I’m used to it — “…I like hope. I like change. I like kittens and bunny rabbits. But which should I choose?” I say to these future hopers and changers that there is no need to choose. We can have both hope and change, and then the kittens and the bunny rabbits will come when they sense the great hope and change that America has. With hope and change, anything is possible.
People talk about all the problems in the Middle East and how it seems America can do nothing but make it worse. To them I ask: Have you tried hope? Have you tried change? Have you tried hoping for change? I call that “hange” which should not be confused with “chope” which is the changing of hope. If we are worried about Iran getting nuclear weapons, then we should sit down with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and offer him hope. Who needs nuclear weapons when you are protected by hope? As for Pakistan we should offer them change in the form of bombing them or something. If that doesn’t work, then we can try offering them hope as well. And, as you know, I vow that we will get our troops out of Iraq. Better yet, I hope we will get our troops out of Iraq. Why? Because it’s a change. A change backed by hope.
Some say I’m arguing we should change in small jumps, but a small jump is a hop, not a hope. What I offer you that no other candidate does it change together with hope. Try and keep that straight even if you keep confusing my name with America’s number one enemy. And these are not empty words; hope and change are solutions. They are things I believe in. In the eight times I showed up for a vote in the Senate, when they called my name I said loudly and proudly, “I vote for hope!” When they told me I couldn’t do that, I changed my vote to “present.” But know that each of those are really a vote for either hope or change. Hope and change are what solve our problems. If you have a problem, I say you try applying hope to it. If that doesn’t work, try change. If the problem persists, try hope once more. Then make sure it’s plugged in. This should solve most any problem, or at least it helped when I had trouble with my new computer.
So why do we need both hope and change? Isn’t hope enough? Let me tell you a story. One night when the baby was crying and smelled horrible, my wife and I tried to solve the situations through hope. It didn’t work. Change was needed. Similarly, once a homeless man came to me and asked for change. I offered him hope, but he was not satisfied. You see, hope must be backed by change.
Am I saying all hope and change is good? No. One change I don’t like is when people change my name to “Osama.” Please stop that. I know it’s only a one letter difference and easy to confuse, but come on. As for hope, I am against hope that America will be destroyed. That’s just something my wife and I will have to agree to disagree about. Am I saying that hope and change can solve everything? No. I have yet to come up with a hope and change solution to an asteroid heading towards earth, but I am working on it. So as your president, I will do my best to sort good hope from bad hope and good change from bad change and occasionally use something other than hope or change if needed. Still, I will strive to use both hope and change for most everything, and I will task our best philosophers on using hope and change to protect us from all things, including asteroids. And zombies.
So, for the cause of a greater America, can we combine hope and change? Yes we can, America. Yes we can.
Or so I hope.
Barack Obama is a U.S. Senator from Illinois whose greatest accomplishment is having written this editorial for IMAO… though most of it was borrowed from a previous work by Deval Patrick.
Free koolaid for everyone!
The only hope that will help help America is the hope that Fred Thompson get’s the VP from McCain.
Finally! I’ve been waiting for something of substance to come from obama so I could jump on the band wagon. Now I have it!
Wow… that was very substantive…
CHENEY PROMISED IRQ WAR WOULD BE EASY PEASY BUT NONE OF YOU CARE OF HIS LIES. AND YOU CALL THE LEFT UNPATRIOTIC? YOU NEOCON POFLECK IMBECILES WANT TO SEE A LACK OF PATRIOTISM THEN LOOK IN THE FRIGGIN MIRROR!!! YOU LET TROOPS DIE AND BE HURTING FOR LIES AND NOTHING!
DICK CHENEY QQ-QUOTEQ: “THE QUESTION IN MY MIND IS HOW MANY ADDITIONAL AMERICAN CASUALTIES IS SADDAM WORTH? AND THE ANSWER IS NOT VERY DAMNED MANY.”
YOU WON’T VOTE OBAMA BUT MOST AMERICANS WILL AND IT WILL BE SO AWESOME. AMERICA WILL BE SO GREAT ONCE AGAIN ALL BECAUSE OF BHO AND HOPE! YOU CAN’T MAKE FUN OF HOPE BECAUSE HOPE IS ALL WE HAVE!
I’m hoping to change hope into change and change into hope. Einstain said they’re interchangable. Hope = Me Change ^ 2
Hange Haiku
Hange is coming soon
Utopia to follow
Tax payers get screwed
“Hange baby! Hange!
#4 PeaceNinja
GAZE
#4
GAZE
ROTFLMAO! FrankJ, you sir are a genius!
Really good stuff, Frank. Gets even better on the second read. Next thing you know, you’ll be writing poetry.
Awesome post, I am in the presence of greatness!
I like kittens and bunny rabbits, too, but there’s a lot more meat on a Poland China pig.
Whoo! I’m all for chope! …Or is it hange?
This was a welcome read, since everyone’s been a little depressed since the race became between 3 socialists. I’d been hoping for a change of mood.
Hazel, I think obama is the only actual socialist running. He is well left of Clinton and McCain.
I am hoping that I can change the fact that my monitor is covered with flecks of apple. I will change my habit of eating while reading IMAO, cause I hope to see stuff this funny when I do.
Good Job Fran……….I mean Obama.
Again with the naivety Nate. When some one’s left of a socialist that just means they’re a more rabid socialist. That doesn’t mean those to the right of the rabid socialist are ……… conservative. Please get a little perspective here.
I am all for change:
A change of the party in power
A change from the same money sucking social programs that haven’t worked since the 1930’s
A change from “ask not what you can do for your country but what your country can do for you”.
A change from money grubbing, power hungry megalomanics, with delusions of relevance.
A change from temper tantrum throwing bigots who encourage the worst in our society.
A change from special interest beholden coward who wouldn’t know the word integrity if it was tatooed to their hairy buttocks.
A change from people with no standards and a change from people who hawk standards and then don’t live up to them. Oh and then lie when they are caught.
The really depressing thing is I could go on and this applies to politicians and non politicians alike. Change would be great if one could count on it being positive, but we can’t. Bad change is just as bad as no change at all, no matter how much you hope.
Oh and if you’re putting your hope in the arm of flesh, well, good luck with that. It hasn’t ever worked yet but hey there’s always a first time. Soon pigs will fly too and we can strap bombs on them and send them over Iran. It’ll be raining bombs and pigs instead of cats and dogs.
God help anyone who isn’t ready for the hange.
That’s alotta change, seanmahair. I hope it’s not too much change. If it is, you’ll have to change some change to hope.
Buck up lads. There may be a lot of low cards in this hand but there are some good ones too.
If Hillary wins, the conservative movement will be electrified like a tazer to the nads. She will drive the final nails into the coffin of American Socialism and then jump in after it. Bill will humiliate himself such that comedians will genuflect at his likeness for 500 years.
If B.O. wins, my mother-in-law, and every other granola smoking, turtle-necked, pie-in-the sky leftard will have a severe problem: It’s hard to justify reflexive blubbering over the plight of “those poor people” at “our” hands with an individual of color in dee-house. Al Sharpton and the other Poverty Pimps will be out of business. B.O. spends 4 years wandering the corridors of power ineffectually; endlessly torn between trying to prove his “authenticity” to one faction and avoiding the appearance of pandering and perpetuating stereotypes. (Cynthia McKinney will demand a cabinet position.)
If McCain wins, we will get the pleasure of watching the Democratic Party and the Mainstream Media staring at each other in abject disbelief. Both will have to concede that they have outlived their usefulness and start boarding up the shop. McCain goes on to destroy all that is good and decent in the known universe but he IS kind of old and he might pick a good veep.
Then there is the wild card of a bloodless coup seizing Malibu, CA and Central Park West before lunch on Nov 5th. The terms of peace will be that government shall henceforth be limited to not more than 100 offices to be filled by random selection of registered gun owners.
Not that I believe in gun registration.
badmartin, the goal is to win the game regardless of the cards. Here’s the game: shellac Hillary into a losing, 12-year crying fit, rise up and beat Obama and half of the country crying for socialism, and then… then the clincher: position the country to survive what follows. The “what follows” (besides already unfolding) is probably beyond this blog.
Barack Obama is a Hope Nazi.
I don’t know what that means but I don’t care. I just wanted to write it.
Very funny post Frank. I almost never agree with anyone here and while that is still true of this post, you gotta admit it’s funny. I almost laughed out loud while the national guard recruiter was presenting to my government students. I’m still pulling for Hilary, but will vote for hange & chope if necessary.
Hillary, Hilary is my daughter and of course I root for her too.
“the goal is to win the game regardless…”
Meh. Sometimes half your defensive line is on the DL, your QB is in rehab and you show up on Sunday ready to collect your “L.”
In the words of U.S. Grant “We’ll whip’m tomorrow.”
“Hange”…hahaha.. Damn funny stuff there, Frank! Thanks for the good laugh today.
patrick – have a lovely day.
Q. How many Obama supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. When Obama is president, light bulbs will change themselves.
OMG, i hope that you don’t change this funny kind of stuff.
THIS is the Frank J. Obama we know and like a lot. love is over-used. like hope. and cha-
never mind.
Classic work Frank… Just like the old days.
I hadn’t checked things out here for the better part of a year. Nice to see you’re still coming up with fresh funnies.
This combines both awesome and hilarity, or awesomelarity. If the Obama campaign put out an ad that included this he would have my vote in about five seconds.
//That’s alotta change, seanmahair. I hope it’s not too much change. If it is, you’ll have to change some change to hope.
#18 – Posted by: Jimmy on February 21, 2008 03:56 PM//
I know Jimmy. I’m old enough to know that change comes slowly. I am however sick of Osamabama’s mantra. Change for the sake of change is like taking medicine for the sake of taking medicine. It does no good and will most probably do harm if taken with out good reason.
But hey it’s HIS TURN, and if you question that then you’re a bigot and a racist. What balderdash.
@J.W., I’m sure he will incorporate this into his next speech.
seanmahair, I tried watching the Texas debate and I vomited so I turned it off. It was too much change. I had to change to merely hoping. I’m hoping now only for our survival. The financial $hit is about to hit the fan all across the country.
I don’t exist :-I don’t exist :-< 🙁 :D( :*(
Does anyone really exist?
#36 Nate –
No, we’re all part of a dream being had by a rock.
Didn’t Hillary’s hubby come from Hope?
Didn’t they change their address to Chappaqua N.Y.?
That is a whole lot of a hope and change.
If we don’t exist than we’re not having this conversation.
It was nice to read something funny from Frank for a hange..
Just kidding Frank. You rock. I chope you’re not offended.
Ha ha ha ha hanges. Turn and face the change…
Hmmm… Flying pig bombs for muslim Iran… this is an interesting concept. tell me more of your “flying pig bombs”.
Raving,
I’m just the idea person, someone else will have to come up with the application. Besides I really stank up the room in science class and physics is Phoenician to me ( so is spelling most of the time).
I could imagine however something akin to the transporter in Galaxy Quest. The thought of exploding pig bombs going off all over Al Queda camps throughout the world brings a smile to MY face.
Jimmy,
Sorry to hear you’re under the weather. Take some Pepto and don’t turn on the TV for several days and you should be fine.
Dr. Mom says so. Now get better!
“Osama”… “Obama”… it’s just the differance between a “b” and an “s”. Of course Obama is all about the “bs”, so the confusion is understandable.
I sure HOPE peacenija someday gets a clue and CHANGES his mind about what part of Saddam Hussein being 6 feet under does he not get. The sooner that lunatic running Iran joins him the better it will be. Barack Obama reminds me of that other fine orator, Jim Jones and his cult in Guyana. So should Obama lose the nomination or the general election, peacenija, do yourself a favor and don’t drink the koolaid his campaign is sure to offer.
For the first time in my life I’m proud to be an IMAO reader. Good work, Harvey.
As far as I can tell, no one’s answered the most important question: How would you stop an asteroid from hitting the Earth using only hope and change?
Me, I’m thinking I’d first try hoping it would change, but then, if that wouldn’t work, which it probably wouldn’t, I’d change my address to where it wouldn’t hit, and tell everyone to follow me. Because, you know, if we have enough hope that could just work!
I “HOPE” he drops out of the race…..so it will “CHANGE” the future of america and the outcome of the election!
I “HOPE” he drops out of the race…..so it will “CHANGE” the future of america and the outcome of the election!