BERKELEY (AP) – Last Friday, 40 Berkeley police officers arrested three protesters from the anti-war group “World Can’t Wait” who chained themselves to a Marine recruiting station and tried to prevent people from entering. Protesters scuffled with at least five men who tried to enter the recruiting station. The filthy seditious turncoats were pummeled senseless and dragged to the Berkeley jail where they received lemon juice for their lacerations before being tossed into a lightless pit in a particularly dank sub-basement of the facility.
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Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates spoke approvingly of the arrests. “Free speech is completely protected in this city, but giving aid and comfort to the enemy in a time of war is beyond the pale. You can take that [expletive deleted] to France, because we won’t put up with it here.”
“In MY Berkeley,” continued the Mayor, “we support our troops in word AND deed. Anyone who would even THINK about messing with another person’s right to voluntarily apply for enlistment in America’s Armed Forces is harboring intentions just as antithetical to this country’s well-being as any splodey-dope raghead. These disloyal traitors clearly OUGHT to be shot, but we’ll start by seeing if a few days of bread & water clears their heads. Nothing straightens out spoiled rotten children of privilege with too much time on their hands like a little deprivation.”
Concerned that outside observers might accuse him of selling out his principles, Bates insisted that his liberal street cred was still completely intact.
“Don’t get me wrong,” said Bates, “I still think Bush is an inept, monkey-eared clown with delusions of adequacy who sells poor people into slavery working for Halliburton to kill polar bears while stealing oil and melting the globe, but I also want to win this war, and I’m going to do my part by whatever means necessary.”
Yea, right! In this cesspool of a community it is the Marines and the Police Officers who would end up in jail not the slime-ball protestors!
If only Harvey’s stories were true. Gorram Traitors oughta be given flying lessons over the pacific.
Can I come live on your planet Harvey?
…And then I awoke from a most pleasent dream, and prepared to confront a world where logic and common sense had been systematically stomped out by the agenda driven main stream media preying on the gullible and naive. A world where the rule of law is considered something that can be selectively applied.
I consider the recruiting office to be a Federal facility and I want to see the US Marshalls guarding the property.
They like chaining themselves to thing so much, I wonder how appreciative they would be if someone assisted them by applying some added locks to thier chains? Think they brought bolt cutters with them?
If only…
Think they brought bolt cutters with them?
Think any of those folks knows what bolt cutters are? Or how to use them? Or has the upper-body strength to use them?
If protesters like chaining themselves together and harassing people at military recruitment centers and abortion clinics so much, how about taking protesters, chains and all, and running them across the Mexican border?
Harvey could write real newsish fakery stories for CNN…they’d probably run them, failing to see the satire…correction: that would be Rather Dan and CBS…no research not left undone…
Thank you Mayor Bates.
My contacts in the field put Bates on the short list to be SECDEF (Secretary of Defense) or National “Security” Advisor. I am not sure which one yet, the wiretaps into the Machine were garbled. I am going to burn my DD214 the day the day I see a JCS chairman kissing another man. I know by then it will be worthless because government handouts will be better than the tortured health care the VA provides and my days will be numbered before I either am sent unwillingly to a gulag or salt mine. I think I am already on some sort of DNC watch list that will be revived when they [the Clintons] move their household goods back to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and start taking our guns away and reversing the last part of our motto (unmedicated). That picture gives me PTSD and makes me want to punch a hippy. Regards, Jon.
ROTFLMFAO! Poor cosnervativs! I LMAO at you! LOL! Wat r u gonna do now????? No Mitt; No Fraud! LOL! Wat r u gonna do nowwww…..?????! HA!
#12 – Posted by: Wrrr
Glad to see that the school system is working so well. Can we expect socialized medicine to work as well?
Patient1: How long is this line to see the doctor?
Patient2: See the doctor? This is just the line for the preliminary interview to see if the Ministry of Eugenics deems you fit for treatment.
Patient1: Oh. What qualifies one as worthy?
Patient2: Did you vote for Comrade Hillary/Obama?
Patient1: No. I didn’t vote.
Patient2: Oh, then they’ll at least let you live, but don’t expect treatment.
Patient1: Should I just go home then?
Patient2: You might as well, and by the way, i’m sorry that i was a retarded hippy that voted for Hillary/Obama and in turn sealed your fate of a slow natural death. I wish someone would’ve been there to punch me in the face.
Patient1: It’s ok, we’ll probably be invaded by [Insert Islamofascist organization of your choosing] and beheaded before either of us could’ve been treated anyway.
[both laugh uneasily; close scene]
Molon Labe
How dare you insult these Heroes of the Revolution, you capitalist pigs!?!??! You will be the first against the wall when Huckabee reigns supreme!
BBWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Liberal scum deserve to die.
…oranger jumpsuits.
Too funny Harvey.
#2 Are you Mal or Jayne Cobb?
These “World Can’t Wait” people should find something that they and the Marines have in Common, like they both have recruiting drives at the local High Schools. Check this out.
http://www.worldcantwait.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4505&Itemid=223
Maybe the Marines could join up with these guys and do a booth together. The Marines could let the new recruits waterboard these guys or show off their hand to hand combat training on them. We’ll put the video on you tube. I guarantee a jump in recruitment across the country.
Nice satire… but hizzoner won’t like it when the bill comes in for delousing and disinfecting the cops who had to handle the smelly hippies.
I envision hundreds of Harvey stories during the next Democrat administration posing as news / alternate reality. You could replace that old guy on 60 minutes, what’s his name? Oh, yeah, Andy Rooney.
You could never replace Andy Looney. He’d just go off and write for an organization more his style.. like the Onion.
I think the Marines SHOULD get some protesters chained to their recruitment facility. If somebody can’t or won’t beat their way through three hippies to get to the recruiter, then they don’t deserve to be Marines.
Isn’t exposing our troops to snipers, IEDs and suicide bomers in a useless war far more unpatriotic than a few idiots protesting in Berkeley?
Go Leah Kauffman!
Sean – Yes, it is.
Fortunately, the war they’re currently fighting is quite useful.