Some Operation Needs More PC suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.
Dear WE, You guys rock.
At first I didn’t get your logo, what a weird W I thought. But now I totally get it, it is me upside down with my feet in the air for the W. We=Me upside down. I think it is saying even I could become chimpy McBush if I got upside down on myself.
I do however have a small issue with WE. I have never thought of myself as a very large person, but I cant get a Teeshirt in my size on the website WE Store. It sez “They run a bit small, so you may want to order one size larger than you normally would.” That means the largest size available is really just a large.
I don’t think of myself as very big but I would normally order a 2x, so the site would suggest getting a 3x. DO YOU EVEN WANT NORMAL SIZED PEOPLE TO WEAR THE SHIRTS OR NOT??? MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET A SMALL AND WEAR IT AS A HAT??? Sorry I get worked up when I think that ample Americans are unwelcome in the We store. After all it is not WE if it is not all of US.
William “snuggles” Perry
Dear WE,
First let me thank you for all you do. It’s great that Mr. Gore is still able to use his leadership abilities for the benefit of us all. I think WE really is doing a great job.
Second, as a Dyslexic-American, I feel I must draw you attention to a problem with your logo. Backward letters are a device commonly used by bigoted Dyslexiphobes to mock and humiliate us and deny our rights. WE can make a pro-dyslexia statement and support our dyslexic families by changing the logo to something less demeaning. For resources on Dyslexia awareness and a Dyslexia style guide please consult the International Dyslexia Association’s website at www.interdys.org.
God bless the whole world, no exceptions,
Daneil
Dear Friends of Earth,
Thank god someone finally is steppping up to take on the evil hippocrites destryoing our beuatuful EARTH.
I realize WE’s goal is to become more greener, however I believe WE’s logo may be unaccepatble to some people. In primitive amazonian cultures a green circle is a sign of agression, and therefore some poeple of the Aamazonian persuasion my take offense. Even though they don’t have an internet, WE still should not sacrifce the dignity of those earth-loving people.
Keep up the good work, but try to be more inclusive of EVERY people.
Very respectfully green,
Phillipe Nightglow
Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Operation Needs More PC suggestion for improving WE’s offensive web site to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).
THIS! Best one so far.
That first one is mine.
ample americans! lol!
Wow, those are all really good, but I can actually see some moron out there writing a letter like the second one. Normal people would say, who cares, but those WEtards might actually feel bad about themselves for that one.
Props to the author.
I busted a gut laughing at the shirt as a hat, and at the green circle = agression. Good job.
Also, the dyslexia one was brilliant.
Those very great, all three!
“William “snuggles” Perry”
I never would have guessed the Fridge would use that as an alternate nickname.
This one might be over the top, but I’m really bored today. So I decided to send it. Enjoy:
Subject: HIGH PRIORTY!!! I wish to make a large donation, but am unable to do so online. PLEASE READ ASAP!
My dearest wecansolveit.org,
My name is Harold Routeger. I am, er… how can I put this without sounding stuck up… I am incredibly rich. I desire to make a sizeable donation to your organization. How does 20 million dollars sound?
However, there is one small catch. My wife strongly disapproves of your organization. She is a Republican who believes for some strange reason that U.S. energy independence is more important than the state of our planet’s climate, and therefore wants to drill for oil rather than focus on more important alternatives.
Thus, I am of course not able to make a donation online as your donation page allows for. If I were to make such a donation online my wife would no doubt discover the donation because she has access to my bank statements and I would be unable to keep her from viewing the statements without starting a fight with her. This would put a lot of strain on our marriage.
However, I have a solution. I generally keep around 50 million in cash in a safe on my property. I wish to make the donation in cash. She would not be able to find out about this so easily. You cannot come to my house to receive it. She would find out. We also cannot correspond by phone or by email, because that would also be too risky. If she were to find out I would not make the donation. In fact if she were to find out, I would probably be forced to donate the money to an oil company in order to appease her.
We need to meet somewhere that she is unlikely to find out what we are doing, so it cannot be anywhere near L.A. We both know too many people there to meet in secret. Here is my proposition. Take the 10 freeway towards Palm Springs. I have a winter house there that we don’t use during the summer because of the excessive desert heat. I can tell my wife that I am going there to take care of some minor business. There is a small town across the freeway from Palm Springs called Desert Hot Springs. No one knows me there. Take Palm Drive from the I-10 toward Desert Hot Springs. Go past Dillon Road. There is a new Starbucks on the corner of 2 Bunch Palms and Palm Drive next to the Blockbuster. I will meet you there at 1:30 pm, Thursday August 7th. I will bring my lawyer and cpa. You should do the same, along with anyone else necessary to carry out the transaction on your end. My lawyer assures me that this should go off without a hitch and that there will be no legal problems by the time we finish our deal.
If am running late I apologize ahead of time. My ability to be there on time depends on when I can get away from my wife. I should not be too late however. If I don’t arrive within 2 hours it’s because she is onto us. If I am 2 hours late leave the Starbucks immediately. Get back onto Palm Drive and take a left into the city until you arrive at the Spa Hotel. There is a fountain out front. Wait for me there. Nothing will stop me from coming, and even if she finds out about Starbucks there is no way she could find out about the fountain. I should arrive within the hour even if I am late to starbucks, judging by my wife’s schedule. You need to be at the Starbucks promptly at 1:30. If I get there that early it means I only have a short time before I need to return to L.A. If you are not there at that time, I will leave immediately and I will not contact you again. I will be wearing a blue button up shirt, a teal tie, black pants, and a black blazer. I have short brown hair parted to the left. I will be sitting at a table with two other men, my lawyer and my cpa.
I apologize that we have to do this in such a secretive manner. I understand how odd this must seem, and if you need to bring a private body guard with you to ensure that nothing fishy happens to you that is perfectly fine with me. I will even cover the cost for him/her. In fact I will cover all of your travel costs including hotel and gas and any labor incurred. There are several hotels nearby in Desert Hot Springs which I am sure would make for a relaxing business trip.
I also apologize for any inconvenience. If you end up having to wait at the starbucks I will throw in an extra 10 milliion dollars on top of the deal as an additional donation. Whatever you do, do not try to contact me. Do not reply to this email. In fact after I send the message I will probably deactivate the account. Do not try to look me up in the phone book or any other resource. I will not discuss this with anyone who manages to find any information on me and will deny all knowledge of any anticipated transaction.
Once again I apologize for the inconvenience, and I look forward to making my donation on the 7th. Thank you again for all that you do for our planet and my future children. I am forever in your debt.
Harold Routeger.
Daneil, that was genuis!!!!!
Dyslexiphobes! Hahaha.