Archive of entries posted on 25th July 2008

Frank’s Comment on Guns in National Parks

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I hear the government is still seeking comments from the public on whether to allow conceal carry in national parks.

I shall comment!

I think it is a great idea. I would very much like to go into national parks and shoot wildlife.

You may ask, “Well why not just take a gun in now and shoot wildlife? It’s not like they check anyone for guns when they enter.”

That’s a bad idea. Bringing a gun into a national park is illegal. I don’t do illegal things.

To which you may say, “But shooting wildlife in a national park is also illegal.”

You have a point, but if I already have a gun with me legally, I might as well just start shooting stuff whether it’s legal or not. That’s gun logic. If you are allowed to have a gun on you, you are compelled to shoot things, animals, and people. Me, I’m really looking forward to going into Yellowstone and shooting the first buffalo that lumbers in front of my care right in the face. I will totally waste a buffalo. You don’t disrespect me like that! I have a gun, bitch! You fear me!

Also, if Old Faithful takes too long to go off, I will shoot it. I will totally waste Old Faithful. I paid money to get into this park, so you don’t waste my time you @#$% geyser! I have a gun! I will kill you!

Then I will go to the Grand Canyon and unload on that bitch. You think you’re so big, Mr. Canyon? Well, guess who has a gun! I’m the big one now! I will kill you! The police will have to buy like a million boxes of chalk to outline the canyon after I kill it.

So that is my comment on guns in national parks.

Operation Needs More PC – Part 3

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Some Operation Needs More PC suggestions for your reading pleasure. Actual authors may claim credit in the comments if they choose.
You may safely assume that all typos were intentional.

Dear WE, You guys rock.
At first I didn’t get your logo, what a weird W I thought. But now I totally get it, it is me upside down with my feet in the air for the W. We=Me upside down. I think it is saying even I could become chimpy McBush if I got upside down on myself.
I do however have a small issue with WE. I have never thought of myself as a very large person, but I cant get a Teeshirt in my size on the website WE Store. It sez “They run a bit small, so you may want to order one size larger than you normally would.” That means the largest size available is really just a large.
I don’t think of myself as very big but I would normally order a 2x, so the site would suggest getting a 3x. DO YOU EVEN WANT NORMAL SIZED PEOPLE TO WEAR THE SHIRTS OR NOT??? MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET A SMALL AND WEAR IT AS A HAT??? Sorry I get worked up when I think that ample Americans are unwelcome in the We store. After all it is not WE if it is not all of US.
William “snuggles” Perry

Dear WE,
First let me thank you for all you do. It’s great that Mr. Gore is still able to use his leadership abilities for the benefit of us all. I think WE really is doing a great job.
Second, as a Dyslexic-American, I feel I must draw you attention to a problem with your logo. Backward letters are a device commonly used by bigoted Dyslexiphobes to mock and humiliate us and deny our rights. WE can make a pro-dyslexia statement and support our dyslexic families by changing the logo to something less demeaning. For resources on Dyslexia awareness and a Dyslexia style guide please consult the International Dyslexia Association’s website at www.interdys.org.
God bless the whole world, no exceptions,
Daneil

Dear Friends of Earth,
Thank god someone finally is steppping up to take on the evil hippocrites destryoing our beuatuful EARTH.
I realize WE’s goal is to become more greener, however I believe WE’s logo may be unaccepatble to some people. In primitive amazonian cultures a green circle is a sign of agression, and therefore some poeple of the Aamazonian persuasion my take offense. Even though they don’t have an internet, WE still should not sacrifce the dignity of those earth-loving people.
Keep up the good work, but try to be more inclusive of EVERY people.
Very respectfully green,
Phillipe Nightglow

Like those? Say so.
Think you can do better? Then do so.
Submit your Operation Needs More PC suggestion for improving WE’s offensive web site to the WEtard contact page, then send a copy to me at WEsistance@gmail.com for possible future publication at IMAO (if it doesn’t suck too terribly bad).