Archive of entries posted on 14th July 2008

Barack Obama: Embarrassment on Parade

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Recently Barack Obama said that American kids should learn a foreign language, and – typical liberal hypocrite that he is – followed up by saying that he’s “embarrassed” that he doesn’t know one himself.
Ain’t that just like a Democrat, insisting that the “little people” live up to expectations that don’t apply to them?
Which makes me wonder what else Mr. O is embarrassed about. I speculate thusly:

Sometimes at night, he dreams of tapping that booty, and wakes up with sticky sheets.
  • Although pro-choice, he chose not to abort his daughters.
  • His Secret Service cadre carries guns, but not strictly for hunting.
  • Had he starred in Blazing Saddles, Madeleine Kahn’s line would’ve been “Oh… it’s NOT twue.”
  • Grateful for the work of Civil Rights pioneers, but has never ridden on any bus, front or back.
  • Knows what arugula is.
  • Still harbors doubts that Neo is actually “The One”.
  • Black, yeah, but sadly, no slave blood.
  • Never managed to stay awake through an entire Reverend Wright sermon. That guy is pure pulpit Sominex!
  • Wants to pull out of Iraq, but can’t pull out of a parking lot without taking someone’s bumper with him.
  • Once failed to stop a thief who later killed his Uncle Ben.
  • Despite his penchant for wearing black, has never once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

So what do YOU know about Obama’s darkest secrets?
Wait… was that racist?

Thoughts on Where Politics Is Today

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So, are any of you secretly rooting for Obama? The way I see it, if McCain wins, conservative are going to be spending at least the next four years having to defend him when we don’t even really care for him (and he hates us), and we’ll be no closer to getting more conservatives in office than we are now. With Obama, at least we’ll have a fight on our hands, and I miss a good fight.
Also, it’s real hard to do an argument for Republicans these days other than the tiresome “sucks less” one. Also, with all the years of Democrat whining, you kinda just want to go, “Fine! Here’s the presidency, you annoying little bitches! Let’s see you try and do something!” You can’t really completely screw up this country in four years, anyway.
Now, just because we have some nitwit Democrats in office doesn’t mean some good conservative candidates will emerge, but it does guarantee we get to go on the offensive again. I don’t even think blogs existed last time a Democrat with a president; it will be a whole new blogosphere! We can be like Daily Kos — i.e., a bunch of rats stuffed in a cage who savagely bite each other each time the cage gets disturbed. Well, maybe not Kos crazy — even with Nuke the Moon and irrational monkey fear we’re about a hundred times more acceptable to the general voting public — but we could stand to be a little crazier. Remember when we used to think Bill Clinton had a bunch of people killed?
Just some thoughts to put out there. Sitting on the sidelines this election with nothing to cheer about is getting a bit tiresome. Maybe we could start a new party: Republicans Classic. And no more of this open tent crap; I want a nice closed tent. Not just anyone should be able to register as a Republican Classic; you have to prove your worth. In fact, I want this closed tent to also be hidden, so you have to know the right people, and if they trust you, then they’ll tell you where the tent is. And when you get the tent, there are like guards in front of it who will knock you to the ground and kick you shouting, “What are you doing at this tent? Explain yourself!”
Now that’s a party tough enough for America.